What is little man's syndrome?

It is Ben Tate's remarkable quote...

"I know I'm the best back in the state," Tate said. "I bet if you went and broke down film and asked teams in the SEC who is the best back in the state, I mean I feel like it's me."

GEORGIAR REVIEW: Richt continues the tradition!

The Dawgs put Aubarn (AL) in the dawg house!

...But in other news, Coach Gene Cheez-it has done it again! He said his real goal of the season was to win the co-co-co-SEC Western Division Championship AND HE DONE IT!!!! Like last week (and the week before that), he said he was just kidding about the homecoming national championship...

HAHAHAHAHA ALABAMMER!! WE ARE THE CO-CO-CO-SEC WESTERN DIVISION CHAMPIONS AND YALL'L AREN'T!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Up next it's Aubarn (AL) vs. Bye University... I can assure yal'l we won't lose next Saturday as Coach Cheez-it promises to have our team ready for a HUGE victory!!

Got Cheez-it? WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!

Heisman Candidates Don't Cry!!!

Especially if you're the best back in the state....... of Maryland!

Hell... it seems crying is starting to become a new tradition around these parts!

Cheez-it and company take the heart of Lee County to Athens!

Some are saying this is a mental regrouping method (thought of by Coach Cheez-it of course) to keep his players focused on their performances in the game...


...and it's like shit I tell ya!

...however, they left the bad parts behind (the tent), and took the good parts with 'em (the human waste) back to Lee County!

FURMAN REVIEW: GENE CHEEZ-IT WINS HOMECOMING NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

I'd like to apologize for the late post. If you're that upset about it so sue me -- it ain't like you'll get much out of this $6.50 an hour job (at the Wire Road Truck Stop) of mine anyway.

Upon his arrival in Lee County, coach Gene Cheez-it and Jay Jacobs discuss the ultimate goal of the upcoming season: win the Homecoming National Championship game.

Coach Gene Cheez-it, again known for his right-field pranks, pulls another one on Opelika! He said he was just kidding about winning the SEC Championship, and our real goal of the 2009 season was to win the 2009 Homecoming National Championship game! And guess what? WE DID!!!!! WE ARE THE 2009 HOMECOMING CHAMPIONS!!! Powerhouse Furman was absolutely NO MATCH for the War Eagles of Aubarn (AL)!!!

Next week we've got the Dawgs... they'd better be glad they ain't playing us in the jungle, cause we've got a whole lot of pent up water frustration we're ready to unleash on them like water pressure building in a water hose (pun intended).

And...

HAHAHAHA ALABAMMER, WE'RE ON ESPN 2 AND Y'ALL ARE ON ESPN!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

UT fans compliment Aubarn (AL) despite the fact they hate us so much....

From VolNation (the compliments are in bold)

Dear Auburn,
With your football contest against my alma mater now less than a week away, I feel this is an appropriate time for me to remind you of my feelings for you. I hate you. I hate your backward little cow college. I hate your players, coaches, students, administrators, fans, alumni, janitors, and cafeteria workers. I hate your multiple mascots. I hate you to the point I root for both Alabama and Al Qaeda VAnDERbuilte and Georgier against you. I hate the fact your supporters, with their cow feces caked work boots, will be allowed inside Neyland Stadium next week. I hate you to the point that I have rooted for Texas to defeat you. I hate you so viciously that I don't even root for you against Vanderbilt, I simply hope the ground opens up and swallows both teams and their supporters. I hate you enough to hope you go winless and scoreless every season.

I hope this clears up any ambiguity about my thoughts regarding your institution and its supporters. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Hatvol96

Backwards little cow college? Multiple mascot? Barnies sporting their cow feces caked work boots? Man, UT may hate us, but they show all the hospitality in the world by complimenting us!

_______________________________________________________________

OTHER NOTABLE QUOTES:
"Why wouldn't I hate a bunch of semiliterate farm trash?"

"Calling them what they are does give me a modicum of joy."

"Alabama fans are Harvard material compared to the mouthbreathers from The Plains."

"A lot of my friends are Auburn fans and they act like AU is the best school on the face of the planet, even though they have never been as good as Tennessee, Alabama, or even Georgia Tech."

"The trolls will be here soon enough. I have already seen them on TD proclaiming they should be ranked, Ut is next to be "chizzed", and throwing out stats to proclaim their "greatness". Other SEC fans are pointing out their schedule thus far, but it seems to fall on deaf ears."

"I don't know is the ears are deaf, but if they're attached to Auburn fans they are most definitely dumb."

"I remember when we played them in B'ham.I remember 1969 when we put the artificial turf in Neyland and Slug Jordan whined like a baby. He also whined until he got Miss State's cowbells banned.I remember the 21-0 shutout in the rain in 1974 an Jordan complaining because we punted on third down."

"Imagine that, Auburn whining about something."

"I understand you are okay with the Auburn Eagles, but how do you feel bout the Auburn Tigers... or Plainsmen, whatever that is supposed to mean."

"The Barn of Stupidity= AU Plains Men,War Eagles and Tigers; I also forgot to add Bobby Lowder U,Thumb Suckers and Beastility Lovers.........oh any more mascots I forgot?"

"I was at the UT-Auburn game at Auburn a few years ago when we almost pulled off that late game comeback. On our way out to the car, an old lady told us that she hoped we crashed and died on the way home. Go to hell, Auburn fans!"

"You seem to be harboring a lot of hatred for the Barn..............I like it!"

"I just lost all faith in you as a judge of character. They are pure and simple human filth. They should erect a giant cage around that cesspool to prevent them from infecting the rest of America with their idiocy."

"its without a doubt that barn fans are much more tolerable than bammers. simply because they havent won anything. even when they go undefeated.if they ever do though itll change very quickly"

"I went to the lovely town of Auburn, Alabama sometime in the late 70s for a game. All I remember thinking was that I had truly come upon the armpit of the South."

"Aren't they the Tigers. I think War Eagle is a battle cry. It is quite confusing."

"Been to every SEC campus multiple times. Auburn is a sewer."

"True, but it's not crawling with Barners. Thus, it's infinitely better than Auburn."

"Very true. Auburn fans are second for me behind Florida and in front of Bama. Their idiotic praise and arrogant defense of a generally worthless program is pretty infuriating. Especially when the last few games against them have been losses."

"Gainsville and Auburn are neck and neck for the worst college football town. I would rather hang out in Starkville. Suprised there hasn't been any mention of their annoying students that wear slacks and ties to every game or their obsession with fecal removing material."

"It is very appropiate that they throw toilet paper as a means of celebration."

"Auburn's whole campus is like UT's AG campus with a lower mean IQ and eight Kuwahee Wastewater Treatment Plants surrounding it."

"Lots of Auburn fans around here (central GA, about 2 hours from there), and I have never seen fans who will turn on their own team as quickly as they do. They are constantly complaining and whining, and tend to pick against their own team in pick-em's at the first sign of weakness."

"Two of the defenses they played are total crap. The other 2 are in the 30's in total defense."

Coach Tommy "Nostradamus" Tuberneck Schedules Another Trip To The Middle East... After Duck Hunting Season Ends!

Wonder how many losses he'll predict for us to have this season?

Tommy "Nostradamus" Tuberneck (give me credit for that name) is scheduling another trip to see our guys in the middle eastern part of the world (would that be somewhere around Athens, Georgia?) to predict how many losses the Aubarn (AL) football team has in store for us in 2009 -- of course after Duck Hunting season ends.



THE TUBERNECK COACHING AGENDA:

-Have Nick Saban administer the proverbial "foot in the ass" on the playing field... CHECK

-Have a successful duck hunting trip... CHECK

-Have Nick Saban administer the proverbial "foot in the ass" on the recruiting front... CHECK

-Travel to the middle east to accurately predict the future... CHECK



Nostradamus is standing right beside you... why don't you ask him?



IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN (AL) TIGGER... WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY AND WAR DAMN NOSTRADAMUS TUBERNECK HEY!!

The GREAT Traditions of Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute

One of the greatest things about THE AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute is the traditions that makes us who we are. To honor those great traditions, I'm going to fill those who aren't familiar with our great traditions in by way of this blog. These are some of our most notable traditions we're famously known for, which again, makes AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute who we are. I hope y'all enjoy!

The Tiger Walk

This here is the Tiger Walk Tradition. It's one of our greatest and most famous traditions of all time.

Leading the pack is my good friend Boomer, disguised as one of the many Aubarn Elvis' who patrol our campus on gameday. What I always wonder the most is, "Could Boomer actually be the real Elvis?" But that's another story for another time. Boomer is always the Grand Marshall for this great pregame tradition!

The Tiger Walk became famous, many, many moons ago when the fraternity houses used to walk their cows through here during the pregame calling it, "The Cow Walk". The AOPI BOT figured if it was good enough for the cows, then it was good enough for the players, who back then, dressed out in the nearby woods.

PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM BOSTON COLLEGE!




The Samford Hall Public John
This is yet another great tradition, which our opposing fans enjoy participating in, but it's mainly the men, and occasionally a classy female or two. They always enjoy stopping by, before and after the games, to participate in such a rare tradition, cherishing the moment while letting it all squirt out.

This tradition was an instant success, which originally started after the 1999 Iron Bowl, and since then, seeing how it's grown rapidly amongst the opposing fans, we decided to rename our sign "The Samford Hall Public John".



Leaving Jordan-Haire-Cow-
Pasture-Stadium Early On
Yet again, this is another great tradition of ours! Early on, usually in the third quarter, we like to bail out on the team by leaving early when we're losing -- and that's most of the time! Heck, when UGA came to town in 2006, they were beating our butts so bad, the band even left at halftime!

By the end of the fourth quarter, in most games, only the opposing fans are left in the stadium; however, we don't let them stick around for too long because most of the time we like to break out the water hoses and hose those son of a guns down.

Just ask the Georgia fans about that one.

When I was just a young buck, my momma used to always tell me about this glorious tradition by saying, "Son, outside of the stadium in the third quarter, it looks like a gigantically silent pumpkin patch!"



Unarguably The Best Fans In Lee County!
Hands down, Aubarn has the best fans in Lee County, Georgia. Even though spelling may not be a top priority for my fellow Barnies, we're still the best in all the land -- that's why we can consider this another great tradition as well!



Helmet Stickers
This here is a new tradition of ours. Coach Gene Cheezit made it official, just the other day, that in the up and coming season, each Barnie player will receive a new helmet sticker for every touchdown or sack he/she records.

But a skeptical Barnie said to me last night, "They'd better not order to many because there won't be many touchdowns scored this year!"



Body Painting In Lake Barfield
This here is another great tradition, mainly participated in by the great students of AOPI.

Before each home game, in the wee hours of the morning, our students always run down to Lake Barfield, line up in an orderly fashion, strip down to their birthday suit, and cannonball into Lake Barfield. By the time our entire body makes contact with the water, it's fully absorbed into our skin, turning us all orange, like our great color!

There are times where some of us want to show our school-spirit off all week, therefore, we don't wash the orange off at all! One loyal Barnie jumped in during his freshman year, refusing to wash his body afterwards, and ten years later he's an orange-colored sophmore!

Ranking High Academically/Handing Out FREE Class-Credits For Little Or No Work At All!
Everyone in Opelika enjoys participating in this great tradition, even the local gas stations!

We do realize that we don't school the brightest students in America, but our football team ALWAYS manages to excel in terms of academics, notably our illiterate players with learning disabilities such as: Junior Rosegreen, "St-St-Stuttering" Kenny Irons, and the Illiterate Cadillac.

Professor Pette aka the greatest professor in AOPI History, always strives to give his 100% all to helping student-athletes improve and excel in the classrooms.

Perhaps one of our most intelligent players, ever to wear the historic orange and blue jerseys is our cadillac, and current pinto:
As stated, Mr. Cadillac: all-around super-genius!

In fact, this tradition is so great, each and every student and student-athlete, who received free class credits, also is rewarded with a free bumper sticker, to stay in touch with each other!

You can even find our advertisements on billboards, just above every mile-marker on the fabulous Highway 280!

Here's a piece of work one of our proud AOPI Sociology majors created, which can now be purchased at any Tigger Ragz store in Opelika:




James Gundlach
Pictured above is James Gundlach, one of the not so greatest professors at AOPI in the history of Aubarn/Opelika.

Professor Gundlach, prime nominee for Barnie of the Week, seems to have somewhat of a problem with other professors handing out free class credits for little or no work at all. Maybe it's because his end of the cow, isn't very meaty?!?!?!

Momma told me if it weren't for our fine Sociology department, 3/4th of our team wouldn't last long enough to see their redshirt freshman year! WOW!




Our Co-MVPs
Another great tradition of Aufarm football is... our Co-MVP's, pictured above.

We have a strong history of having opponents, playing in Jordan-Haire-Cow-Pasture Stadium, going against our football players, fans, coaches, cows, and referees. The refs always seem to do a better job than everyone else, and even LSU will admit that!

Source

LSU vs. Auburn – September 16, 2006
It was one of those typical SEC smash mouth, defensive struggles. LSU was up 3-0 at halftime, and Auburn had scored a touchdown in the third quarter to make it 7-3.
There were two calls that robbed LSU of a chance to win the game. The first was a catch resulting in a first down by Jacob Hester. Hester made the catch, but then dropped the ball and it went out of bounds. It was ruled a reception on the field. The play was reviewed and could only be overturned if “indisputable” evidence existed. The replay clearly showed that Hester had possession and took two full steps before dropping the ball, but the replay official overturned the call on the field.
Then with 2:46 left on the clock, LSU was going for it on 4th and 6. Jamarcus Russell dropped back and threw a dart to an open Early Doucet. Before Doucet could make the catch, an Auburn defender tackled him and drew a flag. The refs conferred and announced that it was pass interference on the defense and that LSU would advance 15 yards and get a 1st down.
Inexplicably, the referee then waved off the flag saying that there was no interference because the ball had been tipped by a defender. Back to the replay booth. The replay clearly showed that the ball was tipped, but only after Doucet was tackled. This meant that the interference happened before the tip; therefore the interference call should stand.
The replay official overturned the interference and gave the ball back to Auburn. It was later discovered that the replay official was not only an Auburn alumnus, but was also a big booster to the program. I guess that’s how he got the job. Nevertheless, this blatant home cooking cost LSU a chance to play for the SEC Championship and possibly a national title.
Source

Tiger, Our Late Mascot...

...won't be flying this coming football season.

The War Eagle's caretakers claim ole' Tiger died of the West Niles virus a few days after Alabammer cheated to beat us in 2008. But the funny thing is, Grandpa Colonel Dovard, an expertise in the field of bird hunting, has an eagle that looks JUST LIKE the late, great Tiger setting atop of his fridge. Grandpa Colonel Dovard claims, "Tiger's beak is a perfect beer can/bottle opener!"

Oh well, we still have over 10,000 other mascots to choose from in terms of replacing the eagle!



Rolling Booger's Corner

At Aubarn, we have the best damn traditions in Lee County. After we win a football game, or when Alabammer loses one, we hit up all the local gas stations and mini-marts in Opelika and Aubarn, stealing all the toilet paper they have. Then we follow that up by running back down to downtown Albarn and throwing it all in a tree!

It is, by far, the greatest tradition in Lee County, and it's an even bigger tradition than a lot of the high schools have around here! Heck, we'd rather throw toilet paper in trees than win a National Championship!

PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM WAKE FORREST!

Brothers Phil and Bill, two avid Barnies.

Brothers Phil and Bill, the sneaky and clever little son of a guns that they are, head down to Booger's Corner every Sunday morning and wrap all the toilet paper back up, then they head back down to Wire Road and sell it all. GENIUS! They also said, this coming year, they highly doubt they'll have enough toilet paper to wipe a goat's anus with. GENIUS!

THE ALBARN HOMECOMING PARADE

The Albarn homecoming parade is another great tradition of Opelika -- even greater than the homecoming rodeo (which you'll read about later on down the page).

Featured in the above photo is Clanton on his vintage 1967 Opelika Farmer's Market tractor. He's had that tractor ever since the Shug Jordan era, and he's driven it in every Opelika homecoming parade ever since then!

THE ALBARN HOMECOMING RODEO

Rodeos in Opelika is like a second religion. We firmly worship them, even more than we do Alabammer.

Each weekend, AOPI hosts some darn good rodeos, but the rodeo of the year is always the homecoming rodeo. Here is a few pics I snapped for the AUbarnie Blogsite at last year's Tennerssee-Martin homecoming game:




Homecoming Queens at Wire Road Get N Go

The Wire Road Get N Go gas station is where all the Barnie homecoming queens earns their stripes!

My mom, bless her heart, is the official homecoming queen trainer, which she's a large contributer to the "Help Aubarn's Marching Band Guys Get Laid" charity. She told me the other night that not all of the homecoming queens are females, because even Aubarn guys will take anything and that's another great Aubarn tradition in itself!



Boozing It Up At Booger's Corner

This here is Thorn participating in his favorite Aubarn tradition.

When we lose football games, we enjoy picking up ludes from Toomer's Drugs and buying a six-pack on top of that, then soak it all in/down at Booger's Corner.

An Alabammer fan said the other day, "You guys will end up having to join an AA club at the end of next season." GENIUS!



Official Polytechnic Institute Suppliers
To honor the many, many, legendary cows of Aubarn, Under Armor changed their name, simply because of us to "Udder Armor" and even offered us a new ten year deal, which we gladly accepted! Goodbye, Walmart brand known as Russel Athletics and HELLO UDDER ARMOUR!



AND OUR BIGGEST...
AND GREATEST...
AND BESTEST TRADITION IN THE STATE OF ALABAMMER...
We're number 2! ENOUGH SAID!

Barnie of the week!

In honor of the greatest collegiate football fanbase nation family, I, the AUbarnie moderator, feel led to randomly select a member of our Aubarn family to put on display for a new weekly column here at the AUbarnie blogspot entitled "Barnie of the week". If you have a Barnie that you feel should be nominated for such a prestigious weekly award, please send me an email (at awbarnuniversity@hotmail.com) containing a picture and brief description on why that particular Barnie should be put on display on the most awesome website in the whole wide world!

The first ever "Barnie of the week" award goes to the Aubarn version of Kid Rock:
This classy Barnie was spotted walking down the ramps at the historical Jordan-Haire Cow Pasture Stadium during the UGA/Polytechnic Institute game this past season, which UGA cheated to win in the waning seconds of the fourth, which prompted thousands millions (do we even have a million AOPI supporters?) of Barnie fans to ask the question, "I wonder how much that cheatin' sun of a gun Mark Richt paid those refs?" But that's another story for another time.

Anywho, you can bet our version of Kid Rock won't be jamming out to the tune of "Singing Sweet Home Alabammer all summer long" no time soon. He's better than that!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!