1)
Probation-Probation-Probation: Aubarn (AL) leads the state in breaking the rules.
Alabammer comes in second (as
alwayz). From the early days of Shrug (our Bear Bryant but only better) to the modern days of handing out free-class credits so that our players remain eligible and chop blocking, we're still number 1 in the state of
Alabammer when it comes to breaking the rules. We are professional cheaters;
Alabammer is just a bunch of wannabes. Therefore, probation ain't an unfamiliar word down here in cow-ville.
2)
Success: The Iron Bowl National Championship game began in 2002. Since it's inception,
Aubarn (AL) joined the legendary ranks of
LSU,
Tennersee, Georgia, Ole Miss, Mississippi State,
UCF, Louisiana-Monroe, Northern Illinois, and Hawaii by defeating
Alabammer six straight years, during Alabama's strongest period in modern history and for the most part under the guidance of the greatest coach in the history of their program: Mike Shula (who was even greater than Coach
Cheez-it admittedly)! Prior to 2002,
Aubarn (AL) never played
Alabammer in football. So the overall record is 6-1, in Aubarn (AL)'s favor. I should also note that
Alabammer had the refs on their side in 2008.
3)
Coaching: While
Alabammer had to pay big money to lure away a coach who posted 15-17 record in the NFL,
Aubarn (AL) had an assembly line of coaches lined up, on their knees, performing all types of far-fetched pleads to get the job. In the end, we managed to hire the
winningest coach in modern day college football history: Gene
Cheez-it. Sad thing is, we got him for 1/4 of the price that
Alabammer got Satan for. Other leading candidates were: Steve
Spurrier (too old and he DID NOT turn us down), Turner Gill (not interested in minority candidates), Rudy (not interested in them damn
yankees), Will Mushroom (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down), and
Jimbo Fischer (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down).
4)
The Bear: At
Alabammer, they evolve around their ancient history, legacy, tradition, and a previous coach. At
Aubarn (AL) we strictly evolve around one thing:
Alabammer so that we'll have a proper
gameplan going into that season's Iron Bowl National Championship. What's worse, evolving around history, legacy and tradition, or evolving around another team? It definitely ain't the latter I can tell you that much!
5)
Relevance: People talk about
Aubarn (AL) so much, they often mistake our school as
being from another state!
Click on image to enlarge.
In the final analysis,
Aubarn (AL) is the all around
bestest football program in the nation. We have the best
fans, the best cows, the best on-campus cow pastures and barns, the best trailer parks, the best ghettos, the best stadium, the best county and city, the best neighboring city (
Opelika), the best rodeos, the best mud-riding pits, and lastly the best
traditions and
elite fraternity in the state! PS: We ain't even as
racist as the outsiders make us out to be!
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!
