Iowa State Strikes Back

"If they want a war, we'll give 'em a damn war!"
-I(ncomprehensible)-Man on Iowa State's retaliation

What could Rhoades possibly be thinking? "Spend nearly a year in this shit-hole and you'll look like this too."

Well, well, well, it appears we now have a war on our hands, folks; I'm not talking about the 'War on Terror', I'm talking about the 'War on Opelika.'

About two or three weeks ago, the good ole' Jays swung for the fences and perhaps landed the greatest hire in the history of collegiate football coaching hires: Gene Cheezit. The school of which we lured him away from (practically begging him to step down and take the AOPI job) was Iowa State, where his unblemished, touch blue make it true, record was remarkably phenomenal. Keep that in mind, it's highly understandable knowing anyone would have a hard time giving him up.

However...

Just when we thought the dust had settled, and bygones were bygones, Iowa State sends a nuclear missile right into the heart of downtown Aubarn, taking away our beloved, first (going into his second) year defensive coordinator... this means war!

"They took our coordinator, get ready for a war!"
-Josh MOOOOOOOOOn on Iowa State's retaliation

It's one thing to run down to the local bar and see your AD on the tube, running his mouth about Cheezit and Opelika; it's another to have your beat writers trash Opelika for hiring him; but stealing away our defensive coordinator is like crossing the 38th parallel in the Korean War!

What shall you do when Opelika's Rebel Flag Army descends upon you?

In doing so, an Opelika army is building. We don't call ourselves "The Rebel Army" we call ourselves, "The Rebel Flag Army" which I summoned upon my former POW grandpa, Colonel Grandpa Dovard to lead.

Is Colonel Grandpa Dovard a potential "Barnie of the week" candidate?

Colonel Grandpa Dovard owns the SouthSide Junkyard here in Opelika, which is the largest junkyard, not only in Opelika, but in the entire south-eastern parts of the United States.

"They may take our coordinator, but they'll never take our freedom!"
-Colonel Grandpa Dovard on Iowa State's retaliation

Colonel Grandpa Dovard has grown senile over the years, but one thing the old fart still can master is brilliant military strategies, which he's learned from watching "Gone With The Wins" over the years.

"Why not let the Damn War Eagle do all the fighting for us?"
-Phillip Marshall on Iowa State's retaliation

Just as I feel confident about Gene Cheezit leading our football team to victory, I feel that same confidence with Colonel Grandpa Dovard leading the Rebel Flag Army to victory in this new found war we Barnies backed into, simply because Iowa State can't get over the fact we took the greatest coach known to man away from them.

Stay tuned, for I vow to keep you posted on the "War on Opelika" if anything else is to break through.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!