His success depends on whether or not Texas is sure to lose myriad scholarships over a five year period and undergoes coaching changes every other season.
It's just another great Aubarn (AL) tradition and it ranks up there with the all-time greatest Aubarn (AL) Halloween traditions!
But ex-quarterback Brandon Cocks was the party pooper...
...said he didn't feel like dressing up for Halloween this year, but he still showed up to the party in a Barnies' everyday attire!
And secondly....
PAULBRYANTFAGGOT OF YOUTUBE and MRRUBBERBANDMAN12!
Watch as Barnie class at it's finest is demonstrated!
This video alone is enough to earn these Barnies the coveted "Barnie of the Year"
Award (coming NEXT MONTH!)
And their amazingly brilliant posts:
"HEY BAMANATIONTERD SWALLOW A FAT LOAD OF CUM TILL YOU CHOKE BITCH!!! GET THE FUCK OFF THIS MAN CHANNEL PUSSY."
"REDWOLF YOU QUEER YOUR LET ME CATCH YOUR FATASS OUT YOU PUNK BITCH I'LL WHIP YOUR ASS BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FAT ASS TERD FUCK THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TAMPON RAGS THEY'RE ALL DOUCHEBAG'S AND CHILMOLESTER'S .
S AND CHILD MOLESTER'S"
"AND why you're mother didn't plug your pussy hole up is beyond me whore."
"Fuck you dick sucker you lying piece of pantie's waste you got your ass handed to you in Miami you canot coach in the pro's your a loser of a duchebag it takes a real skilled coach to coach the pro's and you sir or no it your pathetic."
"Sir if you would kindly give me an address i will come to your house and kick your brains in and then you can become a retard like the rest of the alabama nation pussy then i will tie you up and you can watch me shove my dick in your mother's mouth which the worthless slut bag cum guzzling whore that she is will absolutely love till her two front teeth fall out and i fill her mouth up with my cum and make the nasty slutbag blow cum bubble's for me then i'll cut your fucking throat fuck the alawhammy douchebag's crimson tampon rags."
And they even graced me with their awesomeness by posting a comment on my youtube account:
"Hey fag your whole family is a piece of shit and your proably a chid molester like the rest of the alabama trash you fat fucking retard let me know your address pussy you aint crazy i'll beat your brains in then tie you up and make you watch me fuck your wife untill then fuck your fat ass team the alabam crimson tampon rags later crack head."
IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN (AL) TIGGER! WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!
For those of you La Tech fans who've never had the luxury of taking part in the Aubarn (AL) experience, here's a brief list breaking down some of the top tourist attractions in the lovely Lee County, AL.
Tractor Pulls
This here is our version of Six Flags where the rides are thrilling beyond belief!
Hosted by none other than our very own Bammer Desecrators you can shoot skeet all day long with the Lee County Legends!
Fraternity Parties
If it's Friday night, you can head over to a KKK Fraternity Party! Just make sure you're not of any other origin than redneck and or white trash!
Aubarn (AL) Rodeo
This here is more of a pregame festivity. Only problem is, once you enter the Rodeo grounds you ain't gonna want to leave! So make sure you sell your ticket off if you plan on checking
this event out!
The Historic Opelika District Tour
Yet another mind-boggling pregame festivity! Aubarn (AL) offers tours through our historic neighborly superior city, Opelika (which Aubarn (AL) is currently underfunded by). If you already have your football tickets purchased, show the tour guide at the gate and they give you a 20% discount on all tours!
I honestly can't stand this, Barnie, but I'm going to use him as an example for the rest of the dysfunctional Aubarn Family...
This is what happens whenever you pay too much attention to Nick Satan. As you can see, this country bumpkin Barnie (a Wire Road specialty at that) used the classic Nick Saban term "Coon-Ass".
Folks, if you are a true Barnie, you do not use that word at Aubarn (AL), simply because Nick Satan says it. If Nick Satan were to tell his brother to go milk a cow, would you do it... Okay... Maybe that's not a good analogy. Let's try that again... If Nick Satan were to tell his brother to go jump off a cliff, would you tell your brother/sister/mother/cousin-wife to go jump off a bridge too?
If you want to be a TRUE Aubarn Man™, you don't run off and repeat after Nick Satan OR ANY Bammer at that. K?
This video disgusts me more so than giving a cow a vasectomy does.
“This is an honor for the University of Alabama and everyone associated with the University of Alabama that we have this trophy in our possession for this year and many years to come.”
The above quote, made by Satan himself, finally answered our undying question, "Is Nick Satan classless?" Coach Tommy Tuberneck would've never stooped to making such childish comments like that. But I guess when you finally win one out of six, anything you say is acceptable to the guys who don't know a thing about winning... Just wait until Satan gets a load of The Cheez-it-nator!
To begin, I know some of you, including myself, treasure the Barnie of the week posts simply because they contain images and videos of some of the best Aubarn Men™ alive today; however, the previous award winners all pales in comparison to this week's Barnie of the week award winners...
The Bammer Desecratorz....
This group of fine Aubarn Men™ truly are my favorite Aubarn Men™ of all-time! I especially want to note my favorite part of the video is the "Watch This" moment. It is the greatest!! Folks, there are men and then there are Aubarn Men™. This group of fine gentlemen truly are Aubarn Men at their finest. SUCK IT BAMMERZ!!! HAHAHAHA!
The following is a live birth recording of an Aubarn fan. I surely hope you all enjoy and appreciate what and where we come from. Our origins are truly a blessing in disguise AND perfectly symbolize what we, as Barnies, represent:
IT'S GREAT TO BE AN ALABAMAOPELIKA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE COWGIRL, SAY IT'S GREAT...
Famously known for his rarely unique skills in the art of "country boy ass whippings", because of that he was awarded with this week's Barnie of the week simply for having the testicular fortitude to threaten to give both Sir "Governator Wannabe" Charles Barkley and Patrick Fain Dye a royal "Country Boy Ass Whipping" (can someone patent that for him ASAP, please?) on the Finebaum Radio Network a few days ago.
Keep doing what you do best Charles from Reeltown! You make your fellow Barnies proud.
One of the greatest things about THE AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute is the traditions that makes us who we are. To honor those great traditions, I'm going to fill those who aren't familiar with our great traditions in by way of this blog. These are some of our most notable traditions we're famously known for, which again, makes AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute who we are. I hope y'all enjoy!
The Tiger Walk
This here is the Tiger Walk Tradition. It's one of our greatest and most famous traditions of all time.
Leading the pack is my good friend Boomer, disguised as one of the many Aubarn Elvis' who patrol our campus on gameday. What I always wonder the most is, "Could Boomer actually be the real Elvis?" But that's another story for another time. Boomer is always the Grand Marshall for this great pregame tradition!
The Tiger Walk became famous, many, many moons ago when the fraternity houses used to walk their cows through here during the pregame calling it, "The Cow Walk". The AOPI BOT figured if it was good enough for the cows, then it was good enough for the players, who back then, dressed out in the nearby woods.
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM BOSTON COLLEGE!
The Samford Hall Public John This is yet another great tradition, which our opposing fans enjoy participating in, but it's mainly the men, and occasionally a classy female or two. They always enjoy stopping by, before and after the games, to participate in such a rare tradition, cherishing the moment while letting it all squirt out.
This tradition was an instant success, which originally started after the 1999 Iron Bowl, and since then, seeing how it's grown rapidly amongst the opposing fans, we decided to rename our sign "The Samford Hall Public John".
Leaving Jordan-Haire-Cow- Pasture-Stadium Early On Yet again, this is another great tradition of ours! Early on, usually in the third quarter, we like to bail out on the team by leaving early when we're losing -- and that's most of the time! Heck, when UGA came to town in 2006, they were beating our butts so bad, the band even left at halftime!
By the end of the fourth quarter, in most games, only the opposing fans are left in the stadium; however, we don't let them stick around for too long because most of the time we like to break out the water hoses and hose those son of a guns down.
Just ask the Georgia fans about that one.
When I was just a young buck, my momma used to always tell me about this glorious tradition by saying, "Son, outside of the stadium in the third quarter, it looks like a gigantically silent pumpkin patch!"
Unarguably The Best Fans In Lee County! Hands down, Aubarn has the best fans in Lee County, Georgia. Even though spelling may not be a top priority for my fellow Barnies, we're still the best in all the land -- that's why we can consider this another great tradition as well!
Helmet Stickers This here is a new tradition of ours. Coach Gene Cheezit made it official, just the other day, that in the up and coming season, each Barnie player will receive a new helmet sticker for every touchdown or sack he/she records.
But a skeptical Barnie said to me last night, "They'd better not order to many because there won't be many touchdowns scored this year!"
Body Painting In Lake Barfield This here is another great tradition, mainly participated in by the great students of AOPI.
Before each home game, in the wee hours of the morning, our students always run down to Lake Barfield, line up in an orderly fashion, strip down to their birthday suit, and cannonball into Lake Barfield. By the time our entire body makes contact with the water, it's fully absorbed into our skin, turning us all orange, like our great color!
There are times where some of us want to show our school-spirit off all week, therefore, we don't wash the orange off at all! One loyal Barnie jumped in during his freshman year, refusing to wash his body afterwards, and ten years later he's an orange-colored sophmore!
Ranking High Academically/Handing Out FREE Class-Credits For Little Or No Work At All! Everyone in Opelika enjoys participating in this great tradition, even the local gas stations!
We do realize that we don't school the brightest students in America, but our football team ALWAYS manages to excel in terms of academics, notably our illiterate players with learning disabilities such as: Junior Rosegreen, "St-St-Stuttering" Kenny Irons, and the Illiterate Cadillac.
Professor Pette aka the greatest professor in AOPI History, always strives to give his 100% all to helping student-athletes improve and excel in the classrooms.
Perhaps one of our most intelligent players, ever to wear the historic orange and blue jerseys is our cadillac, and current pinto: As stated, Mr. Cadillac: all-around super-genius!
In fact, this tradition is so great, each and every student and student-athlete, who received free class credits, also is rewarded with a free bumper sticker, to stay in touch with each other! You can even find our advertisements on billboards, just above every mile-marker on the fabulous Highway 280! Here's a piece of work one of our proud AOPI Sociology majors created, which can now be purchased at any Tigger Ragz store in Opelika:
James Gundlach Pictured above is James Gundlach, one of the not so greatest professors at AOPI in the history of Aubarn/Opelika.
Professor Gundlach, prime nominee for Barnie of the Week, seems to have somewhat of a problem with other professors handing out free class credits for little or no work at all. Maybe it's because his end of the cow, isn't very meaty?!?!?!
Momma told me if it weren't for our fine Sociology department, 3/4th of our team wouldn't last long enough to see their redshirt freshman year! WOW!
Our Co-MVPs Another great tradition of Aufarm football is... our Co-MVP's, pictured above.
We have a strong history of having opponents, playing in Jordan-Haire-Cow-Pasture Stadium, going against our football players, fans, coaches, cows, and referees. The refs always seem to do a better job than everyone else, and even LSU will admit that!
LSU vs. Auburn – September 16, 2006 It was one of those typical SEC smash mouth, defensive struggles. LSU was up 3-0 at halftime, and Auburn had scored a touchdown in the third quarter to make it 7-3. There were two calls that robbed LSU of a chance to win the game. The first was a catch resulting in a first down by Jacob Hester. Hester made the catch, but then dropped the ball and it went out of bounds. It was ruled a reception on the field. The play was reviewed and could only be overturned if “indisputable” evidence existed. The replay clearly showed that Hester had possession and took two full steps before dropping the ball, but the replay official overturned the call on the field. Then with 2:46 left on the clock, LSU was going for it on 4th and 6. Jamarcus Russell dropped back and threw a dart to an open Early Doucet. Before Doucet could make the catch, an Auburn defender tackled him and drew a flag. The refs conferred and announced that it was pass interference on the defense and that LSU would advance 15 yards and get a 1st down. Inexplicably, the referee then waved off the flag saying that there was no interference because the ball had been tipped by a defender. Back to the replay booth. The replay clearly showed that the ball was tipped, but only after Doucet was tackled. This meant that the interference happened before the tip; therefore the interference call should stand. The replay official overturned the interference and gave the ball back to Auburn. It was later discovered that the replay official was not only an Auburn alumnus, but was also a big booster to the program. I guess that’s how he got the job. Nevertheless, this blatant home cooking cost LSU a chance to play for the SEC Championship and possibly a national title. Source
Tiger, Our Late Mascot...
...won't be flying this coming football season.
The War Eagle's caretakers claim ole' Tiger died of the West Niles virus a few days after Alabammer cheated to beat us in 2008. But the funny thing is, Grandpa Colonel Dovard, an expertise in the field of bird hunting, has an eagle that looks JUST LIKE the late, great Tiger setting atop of his fridge. Grandpa Colonel Dovard claims, "Tiger's beak is a perfect beer can/bottle opener!"
Oh well, we still have over 10,000 other mascots to choose from in terms of replacing the eagle!
Rolling Booger's Corner At Aubarn, we have the best damn traditions in Lee County. After we win a football game, or when Alabammer loses one, we hit up all the local gas stations and mini-marts in Opelika and Aubarn, stealing all the toilet paper they have. Then we follow that up by running back down to downtown Albarn and throwing it all in a tree!
It is, by far, the greatest tradition in Lee County, and it's an even bigger tradition than a lot of the high schools have around here! Heck, we'd rather throw toilet paper in trees than win a National Championship!
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM WAKE FORREST!
Brothers Phil and Bill, two avid Barnies.
Brothers Phil and Bill, the sneaky and clever little son of a guns that they are, head down to Booger's Corner every Sunday morning and wrap all the toilet paper back up, then they head back down to Wire Road and sell it all. GENIUS! They also said, this coming year, they highly doubt they'll have enough toilet paper to wipe a goat's anus with. GENIUS!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING PARADE
The Albarn homecoming parade is another great tradition of Opelika -- even greater than the homecoming rodeo (which you'll read about later on down the page).
Featured in the above photo is Clanton on his vintage 1967 Opelika Farmer's Market tractor. He's had that tractor ever since the Shug Jordan era, and he's driven it in every Opelika homecoming parade ever since then!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING RODEO
Rodeos in Opelika is like a second religion. We firmly worship them, even more than we do Alabammer.
Each weekend, AOPI hosts some darn good rodeos, but the rodeo of the year is always the homecoming rodeo. Here is a few pics I snapped for the AUbarnie Blogsite at last year's Tennerssee-Martin homecoming game:
Homecoming Queens at Wire Road Get N Go The Wire Road Get N Go gas station is where all the Barnie homecoming queens earns their stripes!
My mom, bless her heart, is the official homecoming queen trainer, which she's a large contributer to the "Help Aubarn's Marching Band Guys Get Laid" charity. She told me the other night that not all of the homecoming queens are females, because even Aubarn guys will take anything and that's another great Aubarn tradition in itself!
Boozing It Up At Booger's Corner This here is Thorn participating in his favorite Aubarn tradition.
When we lose football games, we enjoy picking up ludes from Toomer's Drugs and buying a six-pack on top of that, then soak it all in/down at Booger's Corner.
An Alabammer fan said the other day, "You guys will end up having to join an AA club at the end of next season." GENIUS!
Official Polytechnic Institute Suppliers To honor the many, many, legendary cows of Aubarn, Under Armor changed their name, simply because of us to "Udder Armor" and even offered us a new ten year deal, which we gladly accepted! Goodbye, Walmart brand known as Russel Athletics and HELLO UDDER ARMOUR!
AND OUR BIGGEST... AND GREATEST... AND BESTEST TRADITION IN THE STATE OF ALABAMMER... We're number 2! ENOUGH SAID!
I'm currently a student at Opelika Polytechnic Institute. I've been here six years and I almost have my freshman year behind me. I'm unsure of what I want to major in at the current moment. At first, I signed on to study the science of cows, then I changed my major to sociology, but even in a course in which you receive free grades in was too tough for me. But now I think I want to be an astronaut. Only time will tell...
