The Virtues of an Aubarn (AL) University Education

We've seen what it can do for Junior "I has a crayon" Rosegreen, "St-st-stutterin" Kenny Irons, Cadillac "Illiterate" Williams, but now, you'll see what it did for two members of the Aubarn (AL) family, one being TMTMTL, Sir Charles Barkley aka get down on dez nuts, bitch...



WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing yet another infamous frequent Finebaum caller...


CHARLES FROM REELTOWN!!!

Charles From Reeltown Threatens Both Charles Barkley/Pat Dye from AUbarnie on Vimeo.

Famously known for his rarely unique skills in the art of "country boy ass whippings", because of that he was awarded with this week's Barnie of the week simply for having the testicular fortitude to threaten to give both Sir "Governator Wannabe" Charles Barkley and Patrick Fain Dye a royal "Country Boy Ass Whipping" (can someone patent that for him ASAP, please?) on the Finebaum Radio Network a few days ago.

Keep doing what you do best Charles from Reeltown! You make your fellow Barnies proud.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Karma Returns the Favor for Barkley

A mere few days after having shoes tossed at him for his absurd comments, which occurred just a mere few days before he had shoes tossed at him, Sir Charles "The Governator Wannabe" Barkley was arrested for "suspicion of misdemeanor DUI" last Wednesday according to multiple sources.

Sir Charles Barkley claimed he was "in a hurry to receive oral sex from the female passenger riding with him when he ran through a stop sign, without stopping."

After being taken into the slammer, Barkley also told a civilian employee, "I'll tattoo your name on my ass" if they would get him out of the DUI, the official police report states.

Note to Bammers and all other rivals and ESPN pundits: This is a prime example of what happens when you speak so poorly about Aubarn; watch out!
Source

I(ncomprehensible)-Man Speaks Out on Barkley's Absurd Comments

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY! I-MAN IN YOUR FACE, HOES AND I'M LOADED WITH DOUGH LIKE FAT JOE, I'M HERE TO STAY DOG-ONIT AND I'M GONNA SORT THEM BAMMERZ OUT LIKE THE CHICKEN DOES HIS EGGS!

BAMMERZ BEWARE BECAUSE GENE CHIZIK IS HERE AND HE'S ALREADY OWNING SABAN IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE GAME: RECRUITING, PLAYING FIELD, PATTY CAKING, AND FLY FISHING!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHIZIK TO GIVE NICK SABAN A COUNTRY BOY ASS-WHIPPING CAUSE IT'S COMING AND IT'S COMING SOON. I HEAR NICK SABAN IS ALREADY PLANNING ON BOLTING FOR THE DOOR BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE WON'T BE ABLE TO HANG WITH COACH CHIZIT!

CHIZIT IS HERE! GIVE US THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP NOW AKA GIVE US THE 2009 IRON BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP NOW!

I-MAN OUT! BAMMER SUCKS!

Aubarn ain't racist!?!?!?!?!

by dale: Aubarnie Moderator

So, after nearly a week of soaking up the Gene Cheez-it euphoria, I finally ran down to the local Opelika bar, where a massive amount of my fellow Barnies were gathered around the only working (black and white) television tube in Lee County. 

First thing I heard was bickering going on in regards to comments Sir Charles Barkley made about his alma matter (which I'm about to touch base on). Verbatim: "He's saying we're racist!" And, "Can't believe that dadgum blasted boy is calling us Barnie-necks a bunch of racists hillbillies. I don't mind the hillbilly part, but where does he come off by saying we're racist?" Also, "DAMN THAT BLASTED WOMAN!" Can't leave out, "Who around here rents out sheep for a night?" And, "it's a conspiracy started by Bammer."

Here are my thoughts: Aubarn ain't a racist school. We is just a down home, friendly farming community that respects all colors, races, religions, sexual orientations, and bestiality. The only thing we don't like are bammerz, and you don't find too many of their kind 'round here. When we do see a bammer, all we do is shout harsh obscenities toward them, provide them with a little profane gestures, and maybe throw an empty beer bottle or two at them. Nothing too overly hostile. One time, my cousin/brother Bill-Cream threw an unopened Natty Light bottle at a bammer passing through at last year's Iron Bowl, which was played here in Opelika. Needless to say we booted him out of town for that. THAT'S DAMN ALCOHOL ABUSE! 

In closing, we barnies have officially disowned Charles Barkley from our dysfunctional Aubarn family. 

Charles, YOU CAN KISS MY NON-RACIST BARNIE SUPPORTING BOOTY AND EVEN IF I WAS QUALIFIED TO VOTE (but I ain't due to the fact that there ain't no place to register around here) I WOULD VOTE FOR A BAMMER BEFORE I VOTED FOR YOU... Wait, what did I just say? Just kidding, I'd never vote for a Bammer. I'd vote for the anti-Christ before I voted for a Bammer, even if he was the inevitable solution to our society's ongoing problems.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!