Tell the AUbarnie who has the prettiest stadium now

Before some of you Bammer intruders rush to conclusions, I'm not AUbsessing over The University of Alabammer by no means... I'm just a little upset knowing that y'all are doing everything in your power to compete with the grandaddy of all that is paradise, Opelika, or better yet, attempting to one-up Jordan-Haire Cow Pasture Stadium (don't get your false hopes up Bammers). Now, in all honesty, tell the good ole' folks here at the AUbarnie which school has the prettiest stadium of all time...

Aubarn (AL)...

or Alabammer...

The Top Ten Teams Coach Gene Cheez-It Has Beaten

The Bammer-Biased website, Gump For Heisman, recently posted an unbiased column containing their picks of the top 10 ten teams Coach Gene Cheez-it has beaten. I think they honestly done a good job with their selections...

Top 10 teams Gene Chizik has beaten:

1) South Dakota State
2) Kansas State
3) Iowa
4) Colorado
5) Kent State
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

Barnie of the week!

I honestly can't stand this, Barnie, but I'm going to use him as an example for the rest of the dysfunctional Aubarn Family...

This is what happens whenever you pay too much attention to Nick Satan. As you can see, this country bumpkin Barnie (a Wire Road specialty at that) used the classic Nick Saban term "Coon-Ass".

Folks, if you are a true Barnie, you do not use that word at Aubarn (AL), simply because Nick Satan says it. If Nick Satan were to tell his brother to go milk a cow, would you do it... Okay... Maybe that's not a good analogy. Let's try that again... If Nick Satan were to tell his brother to go jump off a cliff, would you tell your brother/sister/mother/cousin-wife to go jump off a bridge too?

If you want to be a TRUE Aubarn Man™, you don't run off and repeat after Nick Satan OR ANY Bammer at that. K?

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Alabammer To Receive Death Penalty

The NCAA has slammed the gavel down... Opelika Polytechnic Institute is changing their name to The University of Alabammer... Nick Satan's leaving (Hopefully to come coach for us)... We're taking all 12 National Titles, 21 SEC titles, 56 Bowl Appearances, 31 Bowl Wins and 39 Iron Bowl National Championship Victories... FINALLY we are ALABAMMER!

Sources (Incomprehensible-Man, and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer have confirmed this to be true).

My fellow Barnies, it is done! After decades of envying the state's fatherly institute (Alabammer)/years of suffering from inferiority complex/years of nearly suffocating to death in the dark, unBEARable shadow cast upon us by UA, the AUbarnie's two main sources (do they seriously need an introduction again?) are reporting that the NCAA has secretly slammed the door on The University of Alabammer (as a whole) and The University is now shutting down -- for good.

Aubarn (AL) bought out all Alabammer rights and such (including their legacy), and is currently in the name-changing process going from The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute to THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMMER!

Both Incomprehensible Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer had this to say (simultaneously) after reporting the news: "This is better than masturbating... TO EACH OTHER!"

The reason they are closing down Alabammer is simply because they crossed the line by giving away free textbooks... Bammers try and say it's nothing compared to giving away free class credits, but that only goes to show how stupid they are!

WE ARE ALABAMMER NOW, BAMMERS! LOLOLOL! HAHAHA!

More on this piece to come...

WAR DANG EAGLE... I MEAN, ROLL TIDE ROLL HEY!

Nick Satan Hires Two New Assistants...

Does this mean Tubernecks a traitor?

Nick Satan = Classless Jerk

This video disgusts me more so than giving a cow a vasectomy does.

“This is an honor for the University of Alabama and everyone associated with the University of Alabama that we have this trophy in our possession for this year and many years to come.”

The above quote, made by Satan himself, finally answered our undying question, "Is Nick Satan classless?" Coach Tommy Tuberneck would've never stooped to making such childish comments like that. But I guess when you finally win one out of six, anything you say is acceptable to the guys who don't know a thing about winning... Just wait until Satan gets a load of The Cheez-it-nator!

GOT SIX??? WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Coach Tommy "Nostradamus" Tuberneck Schedules Another Trip To The Middle East... After Duck Hunting Season Ends!

Wonder how many losses he'll predict for us to have this season?

Tommy "Nostradamus" Tuberneck (give me credit for that name) is scheduling another trip to see our guys in the middle eastern part of the world (would that be somewhere around Athens, Georgia?) to predict how many losses the Aubarn (AL) football team has in store for us in 2009 -- of course after Duck Hunting season ends.



THE TUBERNECK COACHING AGENDA:

-Have Nick Saban administer the proverbial "foot in the ass" on the playing field... CHECK

-Have a successful duck hunting trip... CHECK

-Have Nick Saban administer the proverbial "foot in the ass" on the recruiting front... CHECK

-Travel to the middle east to accurately predict the future... CHECK



Nostradamus is standing right beside you... why don't you ask him?



IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN (AL) TIGGER... WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY AND WAR DAMN NOSTRADAMUS TUBERNECK HEY!!