Who will be Jeff Lebo's replacement?

Jeff Lebo's reaction to discovering he'll no longer lead the Aubarn (AL) basketball program as head coach.

Some are saying it's Tubby Smith, but the Lee County KKK Chapter in Aubarn (AL) are saying otherwise.

Others are saying it will be Bobby Knight, but sources (Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood) are saying it's Nick Saban, because he has exceeded his time limit at The University of Alabammer and he's aching to get out of Tuscalooser, Alabammer.

Whoever it maybe, I know AD Jay Jacobs will make the right decision based on X's and O's and not their overall head coaching record (just see Coach Gene Cheez-it Arthur Gustav Malzahn III, who led Aubarn (AL) to an eight win season, and AUlmost won the Iron Bowl National Championship!!).

My fellow Barnies, understand that there should not be even the slightest shadow of a doubt when it comes to trusting Jay Jacobs! That's the AUbarnie word of the day!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

10 Facts You May or May Not Know About Alabammer's Red Elurphant Club

These facts are brought to you by Aubarn (AL)'s number 1 source(s): I(ncomprehensible)-Man, Charles From Reeltown and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer.

10) The REC was behind the September 11th attacks.

9) The REC was behind the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

8) The REC was behind JFK's assassination.

7) The REC was the other man who got your wife pregnant.

6) The REC motivated Mark Mangino to verbally assault his players during practices.

5) The REC paid Coach Gene Cheez-it to purposely lose four games this year.

4) The REC was behind Bill Belichick's decision to go for two.

3) The REC is behind our country's recession.

2) The REC was behind James "Bond" Willis' decision to serve as an inside man for Aubarn (AL) at Alabammer... wait a minute...

1) The REC was behind the funding of this site, because they didn't want the mainstream sites such as Track 'Em Tiggers, The Aubarner, ITA(AL)T to be your number 1 source for all Barnie info!

BONUS: The REC is the reason so many Barnie students were evicted from their trailer parks and are now homeless, roaming the dilapidated streets of Aubarn (AL), and also lost their internships at McDonald's.

I didn't know the Iron Bowl National Championship was being played played in Tuscalooser this year?!?!?!?!?!

This has the makings of something illegal written all over it.

I shall be forwarding this image to I(ncomprehensible)-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabama to turn into the NCAA. Something is not right and I smell something fishy (pun intended)...

The penalty for this is death and my gut instinct tells me the hammer will be brought down JUST BEFORE Aubarn (AL) burns down the barn on them! Alabammer had better pray the death penalty does happen because it's not gonna be 1/4 as bad as what Aubarn (AL)'s gonna do to them in the Iron Bowl National Championship!!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

The Barnie Trucker!!

All this man needs is a little Aubarn (AL) trucker hat (see Zazzle Panel to the right) to put the icing on the cake and he himself would be a certified Aubarn Man™

Sources (I(ncomprehensible)-Man and Bobby From Homewood Alabammer) tell us he was toting the finest of Jimmy Bob Ranes the Yella Fella's wood!

IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN COWGIRL! WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Alabammer To Receive Death Penalty

The NCAA has slammed the gavel down... Opelika Polytechnic Institute is changing their name to The University of Alabammer... Nick Satan's leaving (Hopefully to come coach for us)... We're taking all 12 National Titles, 21 SEC titles, 56 Bowl Appearances, 31 Bowl Wins and 39 Iron Bowl National Championship Victories... FINALLY we are ALABAMMER!

Sources (Incomprehensible-Man, and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer have confirmed this to be true).

My fellow Barnies, it is done! After decades of envying the state's fatherly institute (Alabammer)/years of suffering from inferiority complex/years of nearly suffocating to death in the dark, unBEARable shadow cast upon us by UA, the AUbarnie's two main sources (do they seriously need an introduction again?) are reporting that the NCAA has secretly slammed the door on The University of Alabammer (as a whole) and The University is now shutting down -- for good.

Aubarn (AL) bought out all Alabammer rights and such (including their legacy), and is currently in the name-changing process going from The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute to THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMMER!

Both Incomprehensible Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer had this to say (simultaneously) after reporting the news: "This is better than masturbating... TO EACH OTHER!"

The reason they are closing down Alabammer is simply because they crossed the line by giving away free textbooks... Bammers try and say it's nothing compared to giving away free class credits, but that only goes to show how stupid they are!

WE ARE ALABAMMER NOW, BAMMERS! LOLOLOL! HAHAHA!

More on this piece to come...

WAR DANG EAGLE... I MEAN, ROLL TIDE ROLL HEY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thought of the Day!

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HEY... HEY... HEY... IT'S ME, I-MAN D, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CIT-Y... OF THE CONFEDERACY!

I'LL GO AHEAD AND GET STARTED BY TALKING ABOUT ANDRE SMITH... WHAT A GIGANTIC SACK OF SHEER PUSSY-NESS! I AIN'T NEVER IN MY LIFE SEEN OR HEARD OF A TOP PROSPECT (WHO'S OVERRATED IN MY OPINION) WALK-OUT OF AN NFL COMBINE... HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE? HE'S DEFINITELY A TRUE BAMMER AT THAT.

MY OTHER SOURCE, AND FELLOW FINEBAUM CALLER (THOUGH THIS CAT AIN'T UNDEFEATED LIKE ME), BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, CLAIMS ALABAMMER AND NICK SATAN HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM LEAVING. ACCORDING TO BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, THE NCAA HAS ALREADY REACHED THEIR VERDICT, AND ALABAMMER IS IN SOME SERIOUS TROUBLE FOR THIS. PERSONALLY, I'M GLAD BECAUSE ALABAMMER DESERVES IT AND COACH GENE CHEEZ-IT'S GONNA MAKE SURE THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO THE GREATEST TEAM IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE: AUBARN! UNLIKE SATAN, HE AIN'T NO CHEATER AND HE WINS LIKE A MAN AND LOSES... WELL, HE AIN'T NEVER GONNA LOSE SO HE WINS LIKE A MAN AND HE WINS FAIR AND SQUARE, DAMMIT!

I-MAN... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Sabanism... Not Cool!

Teachers at a grade school in Florence, Alabammer, forces innocent children to participate in the cult-religion: Sabanism.

First off, I'm just a small-town, country bumpkin, God-fearing man (with a forthcoming degree from The Polytechnic Institute). I believe religion is a good thing and I do believe grade schools should not dismiss of prayer and religion and school...

But this is taking it overboard. At least the schools who still participate in morning prayers, don't force it upon their students.

Folks, Sabanism is an evil religion, which is habitually practiced by Bammurz -- not Barnies, such as myself. It appears now, schools in the state of Alabammer are forcing their students to participate in this hideous religion.

I, along with my two prime sources (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) are going to work endlessly to protest this nonsense. In fact, we're in the process of typing up a petition, going against this nonsense, which we'll forward to Governor Bob Riley upon finalization... Wait a minute, Bob Riley graduated from Bammer, so he practices this religion as well... Well, we shall also work on booting him out of office in the upcoming days.

Until then... WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on The Polytechnic Institutes' Number 1 Class

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.

BACK IN BLACK! I HIT THE SACK, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG I'M GLAD TO BE BACK... YOOOOOO HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN AKA YOUR NUMBER 1 SOURCE, ALONG WITH BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER ON ALL THE ALABAMMER ATHLETICS!

YOU KNOW, NICK SATAN IS A CHEATER PLAIN AND SIMPLE. YOU HEARD IT FROM ME FIRST, HIS DAYS ARE NUMBERED. NOT ONLY IS COACH CHEEZ-IT GONNA SPEW VOMIT ALL OVER HIM ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, BUT HE'S ALSO GONNA SEND HIM PACKING ON THE RECRUITING TRAIL TOO. BY THE WAY, THAT IS BEFORE THE ALABAMMER PROGRAM IS SENTENCED TO THE DEATH PENALTY FOR CHEATING. PEOPLE WONDER HOW AND WHY NICK SATAN IS SUCH A "GOOD" RECRUITER... WELL, I'LL TELL YA RIGHT NOW IT'S BECAUSE HE CHEATS DAMMIT! HE BUYS HIS RECRUITS HAPPY MEALS FROM MCDONALD'S; HE SEDUCES THEIR MOTHERS; HELL HE EVEN TAKES THEM OUT FOR DRINKS ON OCCASION! BUT HE WON'T BE CHEATING FOR TOO MUCH LONGER BECAUSE THE NCAA IS EYEING HIM CLOSELY AND THEY'RE ALREADY TYPING UP THEIR PLOI, WHICH HE'LL BE RECEIVING HERE SHORTLY. MARK MY WORDS, IT'S COMING... I AM MY OWN SOURCE AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!

I-MAN IS OUT BIZITCHES! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Nick Saban is a CHEATER!!

Sources (Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) have each confirmed this to be true.

Nick Saban is a cheater; always has been, always will be. His Alabammer team is currently ranked first in the recruiting rankings according to Rivals.com but more importantly than that, it seems Trent Richardson has signed with Alabammer, instead of Florida.

Now, before you jump to conclusions, my sources (I-Man and Bobby) ARE NOT inaccurate. However, it appears they are reporting that Trent Richardson signed a $2 million dollar deal with Alabammer, and Nick Saban took a paycut for it.

I don't understand college Alabammer coaches these days. Why can't they all be honest and clean like Coach Cheez-it?

It doesn't matter, because this November, Coach Cheez-it's going to take that number 1 recruiting class and shove it up Nick Saban's arse. You can bank on that...

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man on Aubarn's Stellar Recruiting Prospects

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka

only undefeated Finebaum caller.


I-MAN IS BACK AND I'M LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY! I HOPE Y'ALL MISSED ME BECAUSE I SURE MISSED BEING HERE, EVEN THOUGH FISHING IN THE MUDDY LAKE BARFIELD WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. I EVEN HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF FISHING WITH LEGENDARY AUBARN COACH, AND SKILLED CHEF, TOMMY TUBERVILLE. WE TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH BAMMER SUCKS AND HOW GAY NICK SABAN IS. OTHER THAN THAT, WE REALLY DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.


ANYWHO, LET'S TALK ABOUT ALABAMMER'S RECRUITING. LET'S TALK ABOUT NICK SATAN BEING A MASTER AT CHEATING.

FIRST OF ALL, ALABAMMER HAS ONE OF THE MOST OVERRATED RECRUITING CLASSES IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL. SECOND OF ALL, NICK SABAN IS CHEATING TO GET THOSE KIDS TO COME AND PLAY FOR ALABAMMER, ACCORDING TO A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE, AND FELLOW BARNIE AND FELLOW FINEBAUM CALLER (BUT HIS ASS AIN'T UNDEFEATED LIKE ME) BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD ALABAMMER.


BOBBY IS AUBARN'S NUMBER 1 SOURCE, SO I BELIEVE HIM. BOBBY ALSO SAYS NICK SATAN IS PLANNING ON LEAVING ALABAMMER BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS, IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NCAA SLAPS THE CUFFS ON ALABAMMER, AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS DECADE.


I KNOW I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE AUBARN BRING IN A BETTER, AND CLEANER, RECRUITING CLASS THAN BAMMER IS DOING RIGHT NOW! I ALSO CAN'T WAIT TO SEE US WIN THE IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP NEXT YEAR TOO!

I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Cheez-it Effect Strikes Again!!!

And this time around, the victim is legendary Alabammer basketball coach, Mark Gottfried!!

Bammer basketball coach Mark Gottfried at his finest!

As Cowboy, the youtube sensation, would say: Well... Well... Well...!!!

It looks like Coach Cheez-it aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1 is kicking ass and taking names and the funniest part of it all is: HE HASN'T COACHED A SINGLE GAME!

And just in case you haven't been keeping track with the Cheez-it Effect victims, you can do so by clicking here.

Merely a few days ago, Alabammer basketball coach finally received word that Coach Gene Cheez-it is at the helm of The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute football program. It was reported that Kevin Steele (another Cheez-it Effect Victim), who'd just finished cleaning out his office, broke the news to Coach Gottfried on his way out the door. Sources (Incomprehensible-Man, who is currently vacationing down at Lake Barfield, and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) tell us that before Steele could finish the season, Gottfried was already bolting for the door--and he was taking everything in his office with him!

Folks, a bright future is in store for Aubarn. Hell, you know it's inevitable when it's striking the opposition's basketball program!

We'll keep you posted as soon as the Cheez-it Effect strikes again!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Coach Cheez-It Pulls a Joke on Opelika!

Wonder when they'll make these in orange and blue?

I know a new six letter word (Chizik), and our new coach is full of it!

LOLOLOLOL!

But it's nice to know we have a head coach who can take and administer a joke or two every now and again, unlike Bammer's head coach. A very reliable source (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) told me, on the eve of Coach Cheez-it's hiring, that ole' Coach Cheez had a very unique sense of humor -- and today, the dysfunctional Barnie family experienced it first hand!

A mere four days after Coach Cheez-it promised the Opelika natives that prime-time, all-star, mega-man recruit, Reuben Randle would visit the plains, and even had a single-wide on Wire Road already picked out, today, we learned that Coach Cheez-it was just kidding about the whole Randle ordeal all along -- and hell if we didn't fall for it too! We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Welcome Reuben Randle Rodeo" atop that!

Emmit Randle told the Bammerham News, "I don't know how that got out, but we never scheduled a visit."

I had a chance to catch up with Coach C today in the trailer park, and he told me, "I just thought a good spin would help build my credibility as an unproven recruiter."

I don't really know how to translate that, but all I said in response was, "You ever thought of giving stand-up comedy a shot?" He said, "No, not in today's society."

Well, seeing how that's squared away, at least we learned another thing about our new coach: he sure is a joker (I would insert a photoshopped Cheezit/Joker pic here but due to server difficulties it's impossible right now)! Maybe next he can tell us that he's certain we'll win the Iron Bowl National Championship next year! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

We'll just call him (Opelika's) "Marlboro Man"!

Talk about a bad-ass in orange and blue, this guy seems bad enough to take on the strength and conditioning coaching role... Sources (Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) also tells us he's the new Aubarn poster child man for Marlboro Cowboy killers... Get it? COWBOY killers!! It sure is great to be an Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute Cowgirl, say it's great....

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man speaks out on the hiring of Arthur Gustav Malzahn III

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HERE... I... AM! LIIIIIIIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN, MY FELLOW NACHO LIBRES!

NOW FIRST THING'S FIRST: BAMMER IS CHEATING................................. AGAIN!

LOW AND BEHOLD THE MOST OVERRATED COACH ON THE PLANET DONE SUSPENDED ANDRE SMITH FOR VIOLATING TEAM RULES. NOW, ACCORDING TO MY NUMBER 1 NCAA SOURCE, BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, THAT'S GROUNDS FOR PUNISHMENT BY THE NATIONAL COLLEGIATE ATHLETIC ASSOCIATION.

HE SAYS, "BECAUSE OF THAT, SATAN SABAN WILL BOLT TO NOTRE DAME AND THE ALABAMMER FOOTBALL PROGRAM WILL BE SHUT DOWN ALL TOGETHER." THAT MEANS, NO MORE BAMMAR FOOTBALL. THAT ALSO MEANS THIS STATE WILL NO LONGER HAVE A GARBAGE OF A FOOTBALL TEAM IN IT.

ANYWAY, THE END OF BAMMAR FOOTBALL IS NEAR. I JUST HOPE THEY LAST ONE MORE YEAR SO SHIZNIT AND MALLARYZHONE CAN PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THEIR COFFIN.

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!