Barnies as South Park Characters Part 2:

CHARLES FROM REELTOWN!!!

Sir Charles from Reeltown is prominently known for being the self-proclaimed master in the art of "Country Boy Ass-Whupin's". As seen in the first pic, above, Sir Charles from Reeltown, as a South Park character, sporting the coveted Country Boy Ass-Whupin heavyweight belt!

Clicky to see the first character.

OT: Who we barn-tards hate outside of the football realm!

As you are aware, being an Aubarn (AL) fan is no cake walk. Each and every day we are forced to awaken knowing that we are Aubarn (AL) supporters. It's not an easy fact to cope with by no means, but we do it anyhow! Admittedly, we spend 3/4ths of our lives doing everything within the limits of our humanly power attempting to destroy the mothership: The Alabammer Crimson Turd. And three simple words (unless you're a sociology major or your Carnell "Pinto" Williams, Junior "I has a crayon" Rosegreen, or "St-st-stuttering" Kenny Irons then it might not seem so simple, but one day it will after leaving the confines of Lee County) pretty much sums up our daily attempt to destroy Alabammer: we epically fail!

But that's besides the point. Enough Alabammer football envy hate talk... instead, let's focus on the things we envy hate, outside of Alabammer football. I'm talking a little gem known as the entertainment industry. And for those of you barnies who've yet to buy yourself a picture box, and the rest of you who have bought one, but can't pick up a signal on the antenna then these next few sentences are for you... In a land, far, far away there lies a futuristic civilization (and we ain't talking Columbus, GA) where the picture boxes are flat, the pick-up trucks don't have no rust on the hood (and they run perfectly fine), cow pastures are replaced with tall buildings and double-wides are replaced by two story homes, and the women have all their teeth. I'm talking Hollywood and... ah hell, well if your Aubarn (AL) loving arse don't know what Hollywood iz, then you probably ain't even reading this message because that Aubarn (AL) degree didn't require you to pass 1st grade reading!

Anyhow, this is the first of a four part series we'll be posting here at the AUbarnie... and without further ado, my fine Aubarn (AL) family, I present to you the people we Aubarn (AL) fans should hate, outside of Alabammer football:

Starting with...

THE FEATURE FILM INDUSTRY

1) Channing Tatum:
Not because he's an Alabammer fan, or because he's inventing a new Alabammer hand gesture to counter Texas' Hook 'em gesture, but because Dear John was gay and Aubarn (AL) rodeos are not.

NOTE: We don't hate the Jonas brothers or Leann Rimes.


2) Eva Longoria:
Stop judging me people because again, it's not because she's affiliating herself with the Alabammer program here, but because every time I get a copy of "The Corner News", and after glancing through the comic section (our favorite section), I take a glance over the sports page, and anytime baseball news breaks from Tampa Bay, I get their third basemen confused with a Desperate Housewife character.


3) Melissa Joan Hart:
Not 'cause the hubby's an Alabammer fan, or 'cause she pulls for Alabammer too, but because he's ugly, out of shape, and appears to be disoriented. When you got all that fame, fortune, and brains, why can't you use that sense of judgment to pick a dime-piece stud such as myself, I(ncomprehensible)-Man, Charles From Reeltown, Cock-Fighter, or Aubarn (AL)'s Marlboro Man? Hell, where is that bammer standing? On a sidewalk! Therefore that means he is a sidewalk fan! He ain't going NO WHERE in life! Hell he probably can't even find Tuscalooser, Alabammer on a map, just like there ain't no way in hell we Aubarn (AL) fans can find Atlanter on a map either (cause we ain't never gone play in the Jawga Dome again). At least I, along with the I and Marlboro Man, Charles, and Cock-Fighter all gots a master degrees from the prestigious Aubarn (AL) University!

Wait a minute... she's standing on a sidewalk AND she pulls for Alabammer too... that means SHE'S A SIDEWALK FAN AND WE HATES HER CAUSE OF THAT TOO!!!



4) Sela Ward:
Who on Earth names their daughters Sela??? Really??? In Aubarn (AL) we have class and sophistication. We name our kids classy names such as Lizard, Poodles, and Tim Tebow.


5) Courtney Cox:

It's obvious by the last name and we've all seen the leaked sex tape of her and Ace Ventura therefore, she's a whore!


6) David Arquette:

'Cause he's married to that two-timing no good whore!


7) Rece Davis
Not cause he's an Alabammer alumni, but because last time I ate Reese cups I shit out a spectrum of colors, like a rainbow, and every time I hear his name, or see his Eric Cartman looking face, I have to run BACK to the outhouse where I'm usually forced to camp out for two or three days. I puts him here cause he's gots himself and IMDB account, which is film industry related!


8) Jim Nabors:
'Cause this ass-hat plays a character which resides in a town that copies the wonderful city of Aubarn (AL). WE ARE THE ORIGINAL MAYBERRY, DAMMIT!

And there you have it! Just a few examples of who we Barnies should hate in the entertainment industry. Feel free to add your own as part two of four is just around the corner!

Charles From Reeltown on Alabama Winning the BCS National Championship!

This true Aubarn (AL) Man™ spirit deserves him a share of this week's Barnie of the Week Award!

Charles From Reeltown on Alabama Winning the 2010 National Championship from AUbarnie on Vimeo.

You really can't get any bettur than this!!


You a braggin' Alabam mowran.

You a idiot stupid ignorant, loud mouth, fancy dan, stupid ignorant mowran.

You a low down, sorry flea bitten dog.

You a possum eatin' skunk.

You are TERRIBLE... you a jackass!

You cross-dressin', panty wearin'... sniffin... sniff... sniff... panty wearing mowran.

Iron Bowl National Championship Prediction Time!!!

Courtesy of the finest Aubarn (AL) Men and Women....

I(ncomprehensible)-Man

HEY... HEY... HEY... IT'S ME! I-MAN DOGZ COMING AT YOU LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY!!!! THE BAMMERZ ARE GONNA GET BEATEN SO BAD, THEY'LL BE BEGGING THE NCAA TO GO AHEAD AND LEND THEM AN EARLY DEATH PENALTY AND $ATAN WILL BE HEADED FOR NOTRE DAME!!! I'LL HAVE MY POST-IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE GAME!!!

Lovely Linda

Awbarn will win 970-(-940) and Tommy Tuberville will hit two grandslams and
Jason Campbell will hit for the cycle. I also predict coach Mike Franchione to
strike out at least twice at bat... by the way any of y'all got any spare change
you'd like to contribute to my meth out of gas fund?

Marlboro Man

Should be another classic Iron Bowl COUGH COUGH national championship match, but I predict COUGH COUGH Awwwbar, Alabamur to pull it off in the COUGH COUGH end.

Charles From Reeltown

I'm gone be at the Iron Bowl National Championship and you'd best believe I'm
gone give every Alabammer fan there a country boy ass whippin' from hell like
they've never seen before. That damn yankee John From Huntsville's... I gots a
little sumthin for him too! I'm gone whoop y'all worse than Aubarn, Alabammer's
gonna do your weakling little Alabammer football team so you know it's gonna be
bad. Aubarn, Alabammer will win the Iron Bowl National Championship then because we beat y'all as bad as we do it automatically advances us into the BCS National Championship game to play and beat the cow dust out of Texas. WAR EAGLE!!!

Dale... ME!!!

My predictions are gonna be a little more rationale... I predict Mark
Ingram to have negative rushing yardage because this is the best defense he'll
face all year. I also predict Ben Tate, the best back in the state of
Maryland Alabammer to have more rushing yards than
Alabammer's offense does as a whole. I also predict Alabammer's defence to
surrender over 900+ yards to Aubarn (AL)'s high powered offense as Alabammer's
defense just ain't that good. Final prediction: UA 0 - A(AL)U 78 (we put our
third string in midway through the first quarter).

How 'bout a few more predictions courtesy of our very own Bammer Desecrators?

10 Facts You May or May Not Know About Alabammer's Red Elurphant Club

These facts are brought to you by Aubarn (AL)'s number 1 source(s): I(ncomprehensible)-Man, Charles From Reeltown and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer.

10) The REC was behind the September 11th attacks.

9) The REC was behind the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

8) The REC was behind JFK's assassination.

7) The REC was the other man who got your wife pregnant.

6) The REC motivated Mark Mangino to verbally assault his players during practices.

5) The REC paid Coach Gene Cheez-it to purposely lose four games this year.

4) The REC was behind Bill Belichick's decision to go for two.

3) The REC is behind our country's recession.

2) The REC was behind James "Bond" Willis' decision to serve as an inside man for Aubarn (AL) at Alabammer... wait a minute...

1) The REC was behind the funding of this site, because they didn't want the mainstream sites such as Track 'Em Tiggers, The Aubarner, ITA(AL)T to be your number 1 source for all Barnie info!

BONUS: The REC is the reason so many Barnie students were evicted from their trailer parks and are now homeless, roaming the dilapidated streets of Aubarn (AL), and also lost their internships at McDonald's.

More Reasons Why Aubarn (AL) is the Most Relevant Program in the State of Alabammer -- Image Edition

1) Wire Road:

2) Incests:


4) Rodeos:



5)Racism:

6) Six Straight Iron Bowl National Championships

7) Coach Gene Cheez-it:

8) The best Stadium -- Jordan-Haire-Dye-Cow Pasture Stadium

9) The Best Monster Truck Shops For Mud-Riding:

10) The Best Fans in Lee County THE STATE OF ALABAMMER:











*Bonus* Toomer's Corner:

Barnie of the week!

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing yet another infamous frequent Finebaum caller...


CHARLES FROM REELTOWN!!!

Charles From Reeltown Threatens Both Charles Barkley/Pat Dye from AUbarnie on Vimeo.

Famously known for his rarely unique skills in the art of "country boy ass whippings", because of that he was awarded with this week's Barnie of the week simply for having the testicular fortitude to threaten to give both Sir "Governator Wannabe" Charles Barkley and Patrick Fain Dye a royal "Country Boy Ass Whipping" (can someone patent that for him ASAP, please?) on the Finebaum Radio Network a few days ago.

Keep doing what you do best Charles from Reeltown! You make your fellow Barnies proud.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!