10 Facts You May or May Not Know About Alabammer's Red Elurphant Club

These facts are brought to you by Aubarn (AL)'s number 1 source(s): I(ncomprehensible)-Man, Charles From Reeltown and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer.

10) The REC was behind the September 11th attacks.

9) The REC was behind the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

8) The REC was behind JFK's assassination.

7) The REC was the other man who got your wife pregnant.

6) The REC motivated Mark Mangino to verbally assault his players during practices.

5) The REC paid Coach Gene Cheez-it to purposely lose four games this year.

4) The REC was behind Bill Belichick's decision to go for two.

3) The REC is behind our country's recession.

2) The REC was behind James "Bond" Willis' decision to serve as an inside man for Aubarn (AL) at Alabammer... wait a minute...

1) The REC was behind the funding of this site, because they didn't want the mainstream sites such as Track 'Em Tiggers, The Aubarner, ITA(AL)T to be your number 1 source for all Barnie info!

BONUS: The REC is the reason so many Barnie students were evicted from their trailer parks and are now homeless, roaming the dilapidated streets of Aubarn (AL), and also lost their internships at McDonald's.

James Bond-Willis Is Elevated to "00" Status

My fellow Barnies, today is a landmark in the history of Opelika's existence.

A loyal and sincere Aubarn Man™ by the name of Coach James Bond Willis was promoted to 00 status, which was sanctioned by Coach Gene Cheez-it aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!11

Immediately following James Bond Willis earning his honorable spy ranking, he's officially embarking on his first mission as an Aubarn 00: traveling into enemy territory over in Tuscalooser, Alabammer to infiltrate Coach Nick Satan's layer, while working undercover!

We here at the AUbarnie wishes Coach James Bond Willis the absolute best of luck as he helps lead The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute (while working undercover) to another Iron Bowl National Championship in 2009!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY AND WAR DANG JAMES BOND WILLIS HEY!