The AUbarnie Returns...

I apologize sincerely for the unannounced leave of absence, but since Aubarn, AL, won the elusive Iron Bowl National Championship trophy, I decided to go on a sixth month spiritual journey in the wooded trails of Opelika and what I found was truly reinvigorating to say the least... Now I'm back and better than ever!

With that being said, we've definitely got a lot on our plate to discuss ranging from Updyke's Corner to tainted trophies displayed at Wal-Mart to I(ncomprehensible)-Man updates to Jeff Lee to Lord Lowder's re-election to more Barnies of the Week than fur on a sheep's back to all things Alabammer, and much, much more.

So, stay tuned my fellow AUtards because the AUbarnie is back, bizitches!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!!

AUBARNIE IS BACK!!!...

...and just in time for football season!

I apologize for the Summer-long absence, but the AUbarnie has spent his Summer helping the good folks of the Gulf of Mexico, and even though BP claims they have "plugged the leak" I still encourage everyone keep the fine people of the Gulf in your good thoughts and prayers, and continue to support them in every way possible as hundreds of thousands are still jobless due to the unfortunate crisis.

SaveOurGulf.org

FURMAN REVIEW: GENE CHEEZ-IT WINS HOMECOMING NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

I'd like to apologize for the late post. If you're that upset about it so sue me -- it ain't like you'll get much out of this $6.50 an hour job (at the Wire Road Truck Stop) of mine anyway.

Upon his arrival in Lee County, coach Gene Cheez-it and Jay Jacobs discuss the ultimate goal of the upcoming season: win the Homecoming National Championship game.

Coach Gene Cheez-it, again known for his right-field pranks, pulls another one on Opelika! He said he was just kidding about winning the SEC Championship, and our real goal of the 2009 season was to win the 2009 Homecoming National Championship game! And guess what? WE DID!!!!! WE ARE THE 2009 HOMECOMING CHAMPIONS!!! Powerhouse Furman was absolutely NO MATCH for the War Eagles of Aubarn (AL)!!!

Next week we've got the Dawgs... they'd better be glad they ain't playing us in the jungle, cause we've got a whole lot of pent up water frustration we're ready to unleash on them like water pressure building in a water hose (pun intended).

And...

HAHAHAHA ALABAMMER, WE'RE ON ESPN 2 AND Y'ALL ARE ON ESPN!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Coming soon...

The Aubarnie's week-to-week coverage: The Road to the BCS Championship!

...we ain't talking about the Iron Bowl National Championship, we're talking second-best: BCS baby!

Hosted by none other than... ME! DALE!


"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!"
-Eric Smith

The journey begins this weekend!

Tell the AUbarnie who has the prettiest stadium now

Before some of you Bammer intruders rush to conclusions, I'm not AUbsessing over The University of Alabammer by no means... I'm just a little upset knowing that y'all are doing everything in your power to compete with the grandaddy of all that is paradise, Opelika, or better yet, attempting to one-up Jordan-Haire Cow Pasture Stadium (don't get your false hopes up Bammers). Now, in all honesty, tell the good ole' folks here at the AUbarnie which school has the prettiest stadium of all time...

Aubarn (AL)...

or Alabammer...

Alabammer To Receive Death Penalty

The NCAA has slammed the gavel down... Opelika Polytechnic Institute is changing their name to The University of Alabammer... Nick Satan's leaving (Hopefully to come coach for us)... We're taking all 12 National Titles, 21 SEC titles, 56 Bowl Appearances, 31 Bowl Wins and 39 Iron Bowl National Championship Victories... FINALLY we are ALABAMMER!

Sources (Incomprehensible-Man, and Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer have confirmed this to be true).

My fellow Barnies, it is done! After decades of envying the state's fatherly institute (Alabammer)/years of suffering from inferiority complex/years of nearly suffocating to death in the dark, unBEARable shadow cast upon us by UA, the AUbarnie's two main sources (do they seriously need an introduction again?) are reporting that the NCAA has secretly slammed the door on The University of Alabammer (as a whole) and The University is now shutting down -- for good.

Aubarn (AL) bought out all Alabammer rights and such (including their legacy), and is currently in the name-changing process going from The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute to THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMMER!

Both Incomprehensible Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer had this to say (simultaneously) after reporting the news: "This is better than masturbating... TO EACH OTHER!"

The reason they are closing down Alabammer is simply because they crossed the line by giving away free textbooks... Bammers try and say it's nothing compared to giving away free class credits, but that only goes to show how stupid they are!

WE ARE ALABAMMER NOW, BAMMERS! LOLOLOL! HAHAHA!

More on this piece to come...

WAR DANG EAGLE... I MEAN, ROLL TIDE ROLL HEY!

Likes and Dislikes

I REALLY love this poem (AUbarn girls are the grrrrreatest):

However, I really dislike the add:

AUbarnie: "I'll Be Back"...

As you can see above, due to technical difficulties with the current Opelika server, the Internet has been a real headache here of late in the trailer park.

They say the mouse died of a massive heart attack (I guessed we over-worked him), so now we'll have to roam the cow pastures and nearby woods and catch us another one!

Posting will be slow this week; however, when we return, we promise to deliver you all the Barnie of the week posts you can stomach! In addition, I(ncomprehensible)-Man has an article in holding that is a MUST READ for Bammers and Barnies alike!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

In honor of the greatest collegiate football fanbase nation family, I, the AUbarnie moderator, feel led to randomly select a member of our Aubarn family to put on display for a new weekly column here at the AUbarnie blogspot entitled "Barnie of the week". If you have a Barnie that you feel should be nominated for such a prestigious weekly award, please send me an email (at awbarnuniversity@hotmail.com) containing a picture and brief description on why that particular Barnie should be put on display on the most awesome website in the whole wide world!

The first ever "Barnie of the week" award goes to the Aubarn version of Kid Rock:
This classy Barnie was spotted walking down the ramps at the historical Jordan-Haire Cow Pasture Stadium during the UGA/Polytechnic Institute game this past season, which UGA cheated to win in the waning seconds of the fourth, which prompted thousands millions (do we even have a million AOPI supporters?) of Barnie fans to ask the question, "I wonder how much that cheatin' sun of a gun Mark Richt paid those refs?" But that's another story for another time.

Anywho, you can bet our version of Kid Rock won't be jamming out to the tune of "Singing Sweet Home Alabammer all summer long" no time soon. He's better than that!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Merry Christmas from our Aubarn family to yours...

From all of us here at the AUbarnie blogger, we'd like to extend our families Christmas wishes to yours! WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Aubarn ain't racist!?!?!?!?!

by dale: Aubarnie Moderator

So, after nearly a week of soaking up the Gene Cheez-it euphoria, I finally ran down to the local Opelika bar, where a massive amount of my fellow Barnies were gathered around the only working (black and white) television tube in Lee County. 

First thing I heard was bickering going on in regards to comments Sir Charles Barkley made about his alma matter (which I'm about to touch base on). Verbatim: "He's saying we're racist!" And, "Can't believe that dadgum blasted boy is calling us Barnie-necks a bunch of racists hillbillies. I don't mind the hillbilly part, but where does he come off by saying we're racist?" Also, "DAMN THAT BLASTED WOMAN!" Can't leave out, "Who around here rents out sheep for a night?" And, "it's a conspiracy started by Bammer."

Here are my thoughts: Aubarn ain't a racist school. We is just a down home, friendly farming community that respects all colors, races, religions, sexual orientations, and bestiality. The only thing we don't like are bammerz, and you don't find too many of their kind 'round here. When we do see a bammer, all we do is shout harsh obscenities toward them, provide them with a little profane gestures, and maybe throw an empty beer bottle or two at them. Nothing too overly hostile. One time, my cousin/brother Bill-Cream threw an unopened Natty Light bottle at a bammer passing through at last year's Iron Bowl, which was played here in Opelika. Needless to say we booted him out of town for that. THAT'S DAMN ALCOHOL ABUSE! 

In closing, we barnies have officially disowned Charles Barkley from our dysfunctional Aubarn family. 

Charles, YOU CAN KISS MY NON-RACIST BARNIE SUPPORTING BOOTY AND EVEN IF I WAS QUALIFIED TO VOTE (but I ain't due to the fact that there ain't no place to register around here) I WOULD VOTE FOR A BAMMER BEFORE I VOTED FOR YOU... Wait, what did I just say? Just kidding, I'd never vote for a Bammer. I'd vote for the anti-Christ before I voted for a Bammer, even if he was the inevitable solution to our society's ongoing problems.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

   

AUbarnie Blog BACK IN BUSINESS...

By Dale

The title says it all! The Aubarnie Blogspot is back in business, and as an avid AlabamaOpelika Polytechnic Institute fan and proud student (I've been here three years and I in two more months I should have my freshman term complete), I promise to deliver the latest (and greatest) news breaking from the ugliest little trailer park on the plains.

Stay tuned as I can assure you that you most certainly WILL NOT be disappointed.

Until the next story breaks, here's a video to pump you up, just in time for the weekend! 

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY! I BELIEVE IN OPELIKA AND LOVE IT!