Bob Davie: "You have to worry about the Auburn fans; there are a lot of fans here in orange jerseys, if they're not exhausted. Cheering so hard for South Carolina in that game earlier this afternoon. I mean, the roar in this stadium (from Auburn fans) when South Carolina scored you would of thought there was a live game going on."
The biggest cheers from the Auburn contingent Saturday night might have been about a game more than 400 miles away.
Tigers fans twice broke out in cheers as news of state rival Alabama’s loss to South Carolina spread.
A group gathered in the corner of one upper deck to peer into a luxury box, which showed the Gamecocks’ 35-21 upset of the Crimson Tide.
They cheered loudly in the pre-game when USC running back Marcus Lattimore scored a late touchdown. They erupted again when the final score was announced over the PA during the first half.
Don't tell the Bammers, but our Operation Derail has backfired!
Dear Curtis Anderson,
As a sincere and lifelong Aubarn (AL) fan, I must commend you on your complete dedication and focus on derailing the tracks that The University of Alabammer AT Tuscalooser is currently on -- as well as being brave enough to be the soul middle man for the Aubarn (AL) boosters when nobody else would do it.
When the top-secret news broke across Aubarn (AL) message boards all across the net that Aubarn (AL) boosters promised to get Alabammer back by signing all of the states top recruits (and cheating as well... after all who wouldn't want to attend four years at Aubarn (AL) ?) -- namely Jerrell Harris, Barnies all across Lee County celebrated in unison. We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Get 'em back" rodeo in further celebration.
Now, it has come to my attention that Bammers are starting to gain suspicion of our attempts to destroy their program, bringing them down to our level of greatness. After reporting that Robert Witt flew to the NCAA headquarters to speak with the NCAA -- a president wouldn't fly to talk about a player's eligibility, Bammers getting the Alabammer Attorney General involved, and someone spilling the beans that you're wife is an avid Barnie, and your son currently attends school here at Aubarn (AL), the plan has back-fired.
Here are a few solutions from keeping Aubarn (AL) out of trouble: 1) Tell them you're secretly working for The University of Alabammer AND NOT Aubarn (AL) boosters. 2) Tell your wife to change her allegiance (temporarily) and enroll your son at Alabammer (temporarily). 3) Get the Aubarn (AL) boosters to lend you enough cash to buy ALL of the Alabama players Escalade Limo's (and tell them they're from Bear Bryant Jr.). 4) Send a fake contract to Nick Saban from Opelika High School offering him $40,000 a year to come coach the Bulldogs.
Now you must do this ASAP or else we'll get canned for this. Seeing as how you're brighter than most Bammers are saying, I trust that you'll make the right decisions by choosing NOT to report Aubarn (AL)... after all, telling them you had no idea Jones, Ingram, and Harris were football players was a good start.
With that being said, we thank you for your Aubarn (AL) patronage and a big WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY is deserved!
6) Six Straight Iron Bowl National Championships 7) Coach Gene Cheez-it: 8) The best Stadium -- Jordan-Haire-Dye-Cow Pasture Stadium 9) The Best Monster Truck Shops For Mud-Riding: 10) The Best Fans in Lee County THE STATE OF ALABAMMER:
Coach Cheez-it and Arby celebrates together, after receiving word The Polytechnic Institute finished first in recruiting in the magical county of Lee.
HA HA ALABAMMER, WE FINISHED FIRST IN THE LEE COUNTRY RECRUITING RANKINGS AND YOU DIDN'T!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry, I just couldn't resist! Anyway, I woke up to some very splendid news today: Coach Cheez-it soared in his very first recruiting class, by bringing us the top class in the county, beating out high school powerhouses such as Opelika High School, Rose of Sharon, and Smiths Station High School. Immediately following, fliers were being passed out and posted up everywhere for the "Number 1 Class Rolling" and "Number 1 Class Rodeo".
The Number 1 Recruiting Class Rolling of Toomer's Ceremony.
Coach Cheez-it even spoke on the amazing accomplishment of which he was the driving force behind it all: "I come to you today to say it is an honorary privilege to live in the great county of Lee, in one of the best double-wides Wire Road has to offer. I'm also proud to be the head coach of this shitty... I mean, freaking awesome University, and who brought in one of the most dynamic recruiting classes ever to hit Lee County. With this phenomenal first ranked class, I will win the Iron Bowl National Championship every single year for as long as I'm here, and you can take that to the bank!" {Remember, this is the same coach who has a very unique sense of humor too}
As soon as Coach Cheez-it said that, I about shat in my tightywhitties! Not only did he deliver us one of the best (and number 1) recruiting class in years, he also is overly confident that he will win every Iron Bowl National Championship from here on out, and the way I see it, he'll be here for many, many years to come!
Folks, I can assure you the future is bright and our program is currently held in the absolute best of hands. I'm looking forward to next year's number 1 recruiting class in the county of Lee.
Amidst all the recent craziness taking place in Opelika (i.e. the hiring of Coach Cheezit aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1, Bammer losing to Utah aka The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institutes' second team, The War on Opelika, and of course US WELCOMING IN A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT BY ROLLING OUR TREE... even though it was all a hoax thanks to the Jokster, Coach Cheez-it), these mighty fine Aubarn Men™ known as the Sheriff's of Lee County have done a remarkable job of keeping all the Opelikans/Barnies safe during these times of mass craziness.
For that, I'm honoring them by selecting them as this week's Barnie of the week!
Wonder when they'll make these in orange and blue?
I know a new six letter word (Chizik), and our new coach is full of it!
LOLOLOLOL!
But it's nice to know we have a head coach who can take and administer a joke or two every now and again, unlike Bammer's head coach. A very reliable source (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) told me, on the eve of Coach Cheez-it's hiring, that ole' Coach Cheez had a very unique sense of humor -- and today, the dysfunctional Barnie family experienced it first hand!
A mere four days after Coach Cheez-it promised the Opelika natives that prime-time, all-star, mega-man recruit, Reuben Randle would visit the plains, and even had a single-wide on Wire Road already picked out, today, we learned that Coach Cheez-it was just kidding about the whole Randle ordeal all along -- and hell if we didn't fall for it too! We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Welcome Reuben Randle Rodeo" atop that!
Emmit Randle told the Bammerham News, "I don't know how that got out, but we never scheduled a visit."
I had a chance to catch up with Coach C today in the trailer park, and he told me, "I just thought a good spin would help build my credibility as an unproven recruiter."
I don't really know how to translate that, but all I said in response was, "You ever thought of giving stand-up comedy a shot?" He said, "No, not in today's society."
Well, seeing how that's squared away, at least we learned another thing about our new coach: he sure is a joker (I would insert a photoshopped Cheezit/Joker pic here but due to server difficulties it's impossible right now)! Maybe next he can tell us that he's certain we'll win the Iron Bowl National Championship next year! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
The Cheez-it effect is working overtime this week...
As of today, the Cheez-it Effect targeted and pulled the trigger on one Glen Coffee, running back for the cheating Alabammer team.
This makes what, 19 Bammers in merely a week?!?!?!?! I hear a statue in honor of Gene Chizik is already being constructed in the middle of Cow Pasture East here in Opelika.
The future is bright! How many more Bammers is Coach Cheez-it going to eliminate within the hour? I also wonder if my fellow Barnies are rolling Toomer's right now??!!??!!
One of the greatest things about THE AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute is the traditions that makes us who we are. To honor those great traditions, I'm going to fill those who aren't familiar with our great traditions in by way of this blog. These are some of our most notable traditions we're famously known for, which again, makes AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute who we are. I hope y'all enjoy!
The Tiger Walk
This here is the Tiger Walk Tradition. It's one of our greatest and most famous traditions of all time.
Leading the pack is my good friend Boomer, disguised as one of the many Aubarn Elvis' who patrol our campus on gameday. What I always wonder the most is, "Could Boomer actually be the real Elvis?" But that's another story for another time. Boomer is always the Grand Marshall for this great pregame tradition!
The Tiger Walk became famous, many, many moons ago when the fraternity houses used to walk their cows through here during the pregame calling it, "The Cow Walk". The AOPI BOT figured if it was good enough for the cows, then it was good enough for the players, who back then, dressed out in the nearby woods.
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM BOSTON COLLEGE!
The Samford Hall Public John This is yet another great tradition, which our opposing fans enjoy participating in, but it's mainly the men, and occasionally a classy female or two. They always enjoy stopping by, before and after the games, to participate in such a rare tradition, cherishing the moment while letting it all squirt out.
This tradition was an instant success, which originally started after the 1999 Iron Bowl, and since then, seeing how it's grown rapidly amongst the opposing fans, we decided to rename our sign "The Samford Hall Public John".
Leaving Jordan-Haire-Cow- Pasture-Stadium Early On Yet again, this is another great tradition of ours! Early on, usually in the third quarter, we like to bail out on the team by leaving early when we're losing -- and that's most of the time! Heck, when UGA came to town in 2006, they were beating our butts so bad, the band even left at halftime!
By the end of the fourth quarter, in most games, only the opposing fans are left in the stadium; however, we don't let them stick around for too long because most of the time we like to break out the water hoses and hose those son of a guns down.
Just ask the Georgia fans about that one.
When I was just a young buck, my momma used to always tell me about this glorious tradition by saying, "Son, outside of the stadium in the third quarter, it looks like a gigantically silent pumpkin patch!"
Unarguably The Best Fans In Lee County! Hands down, Aubarn has the best fans in Lee County, Georgia. Even though spelling may not be a top priority for my fellow Barnies, we're still the best in all the land -- that's why we can consider this another great tradition as well!
Helmet Stickers This here is a new tradition of ours. Coach Gene Cheezit made it official, just the other day, that in the up and coming season, each Barnie player will receive a new helmet sticker for every touchdown or sack he/she records.
But a skeptical Barnie said to me last night, "They'd better not order to many because there won't be many touchdowns scored this year!"
Body Painting In Lake Barfield This here is another great tradition, mainly participated in by the great students of AOPI.
Before each home game, in the wee hours of the morning, our students always run down to Lake Barfield, line up in an orderly fashion, strip down to their birthday suit, and cannonball into Lake Barfield. By the time our entire body makes contact with the water, it's fully absorbed into our skin, turning us all orange, like our great color!
There are times where some of us want to show our school-spirit off all week, therefore, we don't wash the orange off at all! One loyal Barnie jumped in during his freshman year, refusing to wash his body afterwards, and ten years later he's an orange-colored sophmore!
Ranking High Academically/Handing Out FREE Class-Credits For Little Or No Work At All! Everyone in Opelika enjoys participating in this great tradition, even the local gas stations!
We do realize that we don't school the brightest students in America, but our football team ALWAYS manages to excel in terms of academics, notably our illiterate players with learning disabilities such as: Junior Rosegreen, "St-St-Stuttering" Kenny Irons, and the Illiterate Cadillac.
Professor Pette aka the greatest professor in AOPI History, always strives to give his 100% all to helping student-athletes improve and excel in the classrooms.
Perhaps one of our most intelligent players, ever to wear the historic orange and blue jerseys is our cadillac, and current pinto: As stated, Mr. Cadillac: all-around super-genius!
In fact, this tradition is so great, each and every student and student-athlete, who received free class credits, also is rewarded with a free bumper sticker, to stay in touch with each other! You can even find our advertisements on billboards, just above every mile-marker on the fabulous Highway 280! Here's a piece of work one of our proud AOPI Sociology majors created, which can now be purchased at any Tigger Ragz store in Opelika:
James Gundlach Pictured above is James Gundlach, one of the not so greatest professors at AOPI in the history of Aubarn/Opelika.
Professor Gundlach, prime nominee for Barnie of the Week, seems to have somewhat of a problem with other professors handing out free class credits for little or no work at all. Maybe it's because his end of the cow, isn't very meaty?!?!?!
Momma told me if it weren't for our fine Sociology department, 3/4th of our team wouldn't last long enough to see their redshirt freshman year! WOW!
Our Co-MVPs Another great tradition of Aufarm football is... our Co-MVP's, pictured above.
We have a strong history of having opponents, playing in Jordan-Haire-Cow-Pasture Stadium, going against our football players, fans, coaches, cows, and referees. The refs always seem to do a better job than everyone else, and even LSU will admit that!
LSU vs. Auburn – September 16, 2006 It was one of those typical SEC smash mouth, defensive struggles. LSU was up 3-0 at halftime, and Auburn had scored a touchdown in the third quarter to make it 7-3. There were two calls that robbed LSU of a chance to win the game. The first was a catch resulting in a first down by Jacob Hester. Hester made the catch, but then dropped the ball and it went out of bounds. It was ruled a reception on the field. The play was reviewed and could only be overturned if “indisputable” evidence existed. The replay clearly showed that Hester had possession and took two full steps before dropping the ball, but the replay official overturned the call on the field. Then with 2:46 left on the clock, LSU was going for it on 4th and 6. Jamarcus Russell dropped back and threw a dart to an open Early Doucet. Before Doucet could make the catch, an Auburn defender tackled him and drew a flag. The refs conferred and announced that it was pass interference on the defense and that LSU would advance 15 yards and get a 1st down. Inexplicably, the referee then waved off the flag saying that there was no interference because the ball had been tipped by a defender. Back to the replay booth. The replay clearly showed that the ball was tipped, but only after Doucet was tackled. This meant that the interference happened before the tip; therefore the interference call should stand. The replay official overturned the interference and gave the ball back to Auburn. It was later discovered that the replay official was not only an Auburn alumnus, but was also a big booster to the program. I guess that’s how he got the job. Nevertheless, this blatant home cooking cost LSU a chance to play for the SEC Championship and possibly a national title. Source
Tiger, Our Late Mascot...
...won't be flying this coming football season.
The War Eagle's caretakers claim ole' Tiger died of the West Niles virus a few days after Alabammer cheated to beat us in 2008. But the funny thing is, Grandpa Colonel Dovard, an expertise in the field of bird hunting, has an eagle that looks JUST LIKE the late, great Tiger setting atop of his fridge. Grandpa Colonel Dovard claims, "Tiger's beak is a perfect beer can/bottle opener!"
Oh well, we still have over 10,000 other mascots to choose from in terms of replacing the eagle!
Rolling Booger's Corner At Aubarn, we have the best damn traditions in Lee County. After we win a football game, or when Alabammer loses one, we hit up all the local gas stations and mini-marts in Opelika and Aubarn, stealing all the toilet paper they have. Then we follow that up by running back down to downtown Albarn and throwing it all in a tree!
It is, by far, the greatest tradition in Lee County, and it's an even bigger tradition than a lot of the high schools have around here! Heck, we'd rather throw toilet paper in trees than win a National Championship!
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM WAKE FORREST!
Brothers Phil and Bill, two avid Barnies.
Brothers Phil and Bill, the sneaky and clever little son of a guns that they are, head down to Booger's Corner every Sunday morning and wrap all the toilet paper back up, then they head back down to Wire Road and sell it all. GENIUS! They also said, this coming year, they highly doubt they'll have enough toilet paper to wipe a goat's anus with. GENIUS!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING PARADE
The Albarn homecoming parade is another great tradition of Opelika -- even greater than the homecoming rodeo (which you'll read about later on down the page).
Featured in the above photo is Clanton on his vintage 1967 Opelika Farmer's Market tractor. He's had that tractor ever since the Shug Jordan era, and he's driven it in every Opelika homecoming parade ever since then!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING RODEO
Rodeos in Opelika is like a second religion. We firmly worship them, even more than we do Alabammer.
Each weekend, AOPI hosts some darn good rodeos, but the rodeo of the year is always the homecoming rodeo. Here is a few pics I snapped for the AUbarnie Blogsite at last year's Tennerssee-Martin homecoming game:
Homecoming Queens at Wire Road Get N Go The Wire Road Get N Go gas station is where all the Barnie homecoming queens earns their stripes!
My mom, bless her heart, is the official homecoming queen trainer, which she's a large contributer to the "Help Aubarn's Marching Band Guys Get Laid" charity. She told me the other night that not all of the homecoming queens are females, because even Aubarn guys will take anything and that's another great Aubarn tradition in itself!
Boozing It Up At Booger's Corner This here is Thorn participating in his favorite Aubarn tradition.
When we lose football games, we enjoy picking up ludes from Toomer's Drugs and buying a six-pack on top of that, then soak it all in/down at Booger's Corner.
An Alabammer fan said the other day, "You guys will end up having to join an AA club at the end of next season." GENIUS!
Official Polytechnic Institute Suppliers To honor the many, many, legendary cows of Aubarn, Under Armor changed their name, simply because of us to "Udder Armor" and even offered us a new ten year deal, which we gladly accepted! Goodbye, Walmart brand known as Russel Athletics and HELLO UDDER ARMOUR!
AND OUR BIGGEST... AND GREATEST... AND BESTEST TRADITION IN THE STATE OF ALABAMMER... We're number 2! ENOUGH SAID!
I'm currently a student at Opelika Polytechnic Institute. I've been here six years and I almost have my freshman year behind me. I'm unsure of what I want to major in at the current moment. At first, I signed on to study the science of cows, then I changed my major to sociology, but even in a course in which you receive free grades in was too tough for me. But now I think I want to be an astronaut. Only time will tell...
