I(ncomprehensible)-Man-Clause Speaks Out on the Bowl Season

I-Man Clause: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller aka the only Santa Clause with black chest hair.

HO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM AND A BOTTLE OF RUM HO HO HO!!! HERE I AM LIIIIIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE NORTH POLE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN CLAUSE MY LITTLE ELF-LETTES!!!

YA KNOW, ALABAMMER CHEATED TO BEAT FLORIDA. THE REC PUT THEM IN PLACE TO BEAT FLORIDER, SETTING THEM UP ON THE GRANDEST STAGE AGAINST TEXAS (SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED IT). HOWEVER, TEXAS AIN'T NO UTAH... THEY'RE BETTER!! WAY BETTER IN FACT. IN FACT, TEXAS IS GONNA BEAT ALABAMMER SO BADLY, THOSE RENTED MULES WE GOTS THAT WE BEATS DOWN HERE IN COW TOWN WILL SEEM LIKE A MINI VACATION AT THE OPELIKA INN!!

SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED THE OFFICIALS IN THE GAME DECLINES THE REC'S CHANCES OF PAYING THEM TO LET ALABAMMER WIN, SO IT'S GONNA BE OOOOOONNNNN AND TEXAS IS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER WHAT AUBARN (AL) WAS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER BEFORE THE REC STEPPED IN (AND EVEN THOUGH THEY CHEATED, THEY STILL DIDN'T BLOW US OUT).

I FEEL AWFULLY BAD FOR ALABAMMER AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. TEXAS IS TEN STEPS BETTER THAN UTAH AND TEXAS IS GOING TO WHIP BAMMER THE WAY I WHIP THAT BOTTLE OF JACK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!!

WELL, IT'S TIME TO GET BACK TO MY REINDEERS CAUSE THEY ACTING A FOOL Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR, I-MAN CLAUSE OUT!!

YOU CAN CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK EVERY MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts Aubarn (AL)'s Opening Game VS. La. Tech

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

WHAT IT IS MY FELLOW BARNIE AMIGOS? I-MAN IS BACK LIKE BRET FAVRE AND BAMMER... I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE LATTER.

ANYWHO...

YA KNOW VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA PUT IT ON BAMMER. WHEN I SAY PUT IT ON I MEAN PUT IT ON LIKE THE NCAA DID TO THOSE CHEATING BAMMERS WHO HANDED OUT FREE CLASS CREDITS... I MEAN FREE TEXTBOOKS TO THOSE CERTAIN INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS. VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW LIKE AUBARN (AL) DID TO THEM LAST YEAR... I MEAN LIKE UTAH DID TO THEM LAST YEAR.

VIRGINIA TECH'S GONNA SEND SABAN INTO A DRINKING FRENZY AND I'LL BET MY LIFE SAVINGS EARNED FROM MY AIR CONDITIONING BUSINESS ON THAT! BAMMERS YOU SHOULD TAKE NOTES ON HOW TO HANDLE AN OPPONENT. BY TAKING NOTES I MEAN BY WATCHING WRBL'S GAME OF THE WEEK: AUBARN AND LOUISIANA TECH. WE'RE GOING TO MANHANDLE THEM THE WAY WE MANHANDLE OUR COWS DOWN AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE IN AUBARN (AL). MAYBE OLE COACH NICK CAN ALSO TAKE SOME COACHING NOTES BECAUSE COACH CHEEZ-IT'S GONNA SCHOOL LOSER TECH WHILE VIRGINIAR TECH IS GONNA SCHOOL ALABAMMER. SO HAVE THEM NOTEPADS READY CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT SATURDAY.

HECK IF WORST COMES TO WORST, I'M SURE COACH CHEEZ-IT WILL HAVE AN OPENING ON THE GRAD ASSISTANT STAFF THAT $ATAN MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN CAUSE AFTER VIRGINIA TECH SHUTS BAMMER OUT AND SITS EM DOWN COACH $ATAN WILL LEAVE ANYWAY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I THINK I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BAMMERS. LOOK AT WHERE WE'RE AT TODAY AND WHERE Y'ALL ARE AT. Y'ALL MAY WANNA GO AHEAD AND FORFEIT THE NEXT 20 IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS JUST TO SAVE THE HEARTACHE! HEY... IT'S JUST A SUGGESTION! I'M JUST LENDING SOME FRIENDLY RIVAL ADVICE WHILE THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG CAUSE COME SATURDAY IT'LL BE ALL OVER FOR Y'ALL!

I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK UP ON Y'ALL WHILE WE'RE BASKING IN THE GLORY OF DEFEATING ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS PROGRAMS IN THE COUNTRY WHILE Y'ALL ARE HANGING YOUR HEADS IN DEFEAT AFTER A CUPCAKE TEAM DESTROYS Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Barnie of the week!

OUR VERSION OF ALABAMMER'S RED A GUY!!!

At least this Barnie ain't ashamed of his six-pack keg of which he flaunts so proudly in the above pick. The Alabammer guy has to wear red body paint, cause he's a sissy, like most Alabammer fans are today (*cough* Utah and Florida *cough*).

In other news, I think that's a tattoo of an eagle on his arm... could it be the War Eagle? Our version of Alabammer's red A guy is now officially a certified Aubarn Man™.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

THE LEE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTENT!!!

Amidst all the recent craziness taking place in Opelika (i.e. the hiring of Coach Cheezit aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1, Bammer losing to Utah aka The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institutes' second team, The War on Opelika, and of course US WELCOMING IN A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT BY ROLLING OUR TREE... even though it was all a hoax thanks to the Jokster, Coach Cheez-it), these mighty fine Aubarn Men™ known as the Sheriff's of Lee County have done a remarkable job of keeping all the Opelikans/Barnies safe during these times of mass craziness.

For that, I'm honoring them by selecting them as this week's Barnie of the week!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

The Cheez-it Effect Continues...

Photo Source

It's being reported that three Barnie players: Trey Blackmon, Ryan Williams, and Chris Slaughter are all leaving the team. The fact that they are LEAVING the team only goes to show they were secretly Bammer players, who only committed to play for us to only infiltrate our team. Now that Coach Cheez-it's come along, the unbearable "Cheez-it Effect" has gotten to them it seems....

....Ya know, I knew someway, somehow, Alabammer cheated to beat us 36-0, but I didn't know how they went about doing it. NOW, I firmly believe Trey, Ryan, and Chris supplied them with Tubby's laptop, which contained top-secret Bammer beating information.

I'm going to work on contacting the NCAA on this issue. It should be given a very thorough look into. I'm pretty sure if I email them my theory, they'll automatically retract the 36-0 win and proclaim us as victors of the 2008 Iron Bowl National Championship. Do y'all know what that means? Number 7 in a row, and their loss against us/Utah last Friday night was number 8... Next year will be nine, and we will have won NINE STRAIGHT IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS! As Timothy Tebow said after his loss to Ole Miss, "You won't see another person work as hard as I will from here on out." I dedicate that statement to all of my fellow Barnies: You won't see another Barnie work as hard as I will from here on out UNTIL that bogus victory is taken away from the Bammer cheaters and given to us.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man Speaks Out on the BCS Bowl Games

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller. 

HOLA COMPADRES... THIS IS I-MAN COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY!

YA KNOW, AS I SET AND WATCHED A LOWLY, LOWLY, LOWLY UTAH TEAM MANHANDLE THE BAMMERS LAST SATURDAY NIGHT, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, JUST HOW BAD IS AUBARN GONNA BEAT THEM NEXT YEAR? I ALSO THOUGHT, WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T WE BEAT THEM THAT BAD THIS YEAR? THEN IT DAWNED ON ME: WE PLAYED AT TUBERVILLE STADIUM AND THE REFS GOT CONFUSED THINKING WE WERE LSU AND ALABAMMER WAS AUBARN (WHICH I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HECK THAT COULD HAPPEN). ANYWAY, THE REFS PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN ALABAMMER'S WIN OVER AUBARN LAST NOVEMBER, BUT YOU CAN BET YOUR REAR ENDS, AS TOUGH AND GIFTED OF A COACH AS OLE GENE IS, HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE TO RELY ON THE ZEBRA BOYS TO BEAT ALABAMMER NEXT YEAR.

OLE GENE IS GOING TO WELCOME NICK SATAN INTO OPELIKA WITH OPEN ARMS, THEN HE'S GOING TO TEAR HIM A NEW ONE IN "THE JUNGLE".

I'LL GO AHEAD AND SUBMIT MY PRESEASON PREDICTION FOR NEXT YEAR IN NOW: AUBARN 34-57230945872390458732495863804765aoidghnvadosfn bvg4801239485709q83yfght - ALABAMMER 3 (ONLY CAUSE THAT SLY DEVIL SATAN CHEATS TO GET A FIELD GOAL).

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY! 

The Cheezit Effect Continues...

Greetings to all my fellow Barnies and War Eagle!

Ever since the day Coach Cheezit was named AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institutes' 26th head coach, which is still one less than Alabammer's had (cause they go through so damn many), it's caused a royal stir in the great state of Alabammer. Barnies have since officially named this royal stir "The Cheezit Effect".

According to the urban dictionary, the term "Cheezit Effect" is defined as "chaos, turmoil, and sorrow caused courtesy of the opposition's earthquake of a hire: Gene Cheezit".

To further substantiate this theory, before Gene Cheezit was hired, Alabammer was riding high on top of the mountain finishing 12-0 before the "effect" kicked in.

And here's where it all began...

When the rumor first surfaced that AOPI was looking into Gene Cheezit, Alabammer lost their first game of the season to the Florida Gators 31-20.

When Gene Cheezit was hired, Andre Smith was shaken so hard by the hiring, he said F this, and illegally contacted an agent ahead of time, which led to his inevitable Sugar Bowl suspension. Immediately after, ole' Andre the giant said he wasn't sticking around to receive the wrath of Gene Cheezit in 2009.

And to top that up, Alabammer's defensive coordinator bolted out on them for the same exact reason as ole' Andre the Giant: he didn't want to stick around and receive the full wrath of Coach Cheezit in 2009.

Folks, with that being said, "The Cheezit Effect" is only going to get better. Stay tuned as we here at the AUbarnie will keep you up to date on "The Cheezit Effect".

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

BAMMER LOST TO US!!!

As you all are aware, as a Barnie, you have two favorite teams: Alabammer's opponent and sometimes Aubarn. Now, considering that you represent the county of Lee by also representing Alabammer's opposition, in all actuality, technically by Alabammer losing to a Barnie's second favorite team, which is Alabammer's opposition, that basically means Alabammer lost to The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute as well.

This was the scene in Opelika after Alabammer lost to The Opelika Polytechnic Institute 31-17 Saturday night:

Which ultimately resulted in this:


Ladies and gentlemen, a new streak has begun. As of Saturday night, The Polytechnic Institute is now 1-0 against Alabammer and here's to number two which is coming next November!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY AND HA HA ALABAMMER IS 12-2!

Notes From the Toilet Bowl

Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institutes' official I-Man Clause Toilet Bowl Logo.

Here's how the Aubarnie blogger currently stands in terms of SEC Bowl Game predictions: 1-3.

Currently, we predict every SEC team to win but Alabammer. We also predicted us to win our very own bowl: the toilet bowl, simply because our opponent forfeited the game (even though we're so gosh darn awesome, nobody was man enough to play Gene Cheezit).

We'll have our post-game thoughts on the crappy bowl that Alabammer went to as soon as it's over.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Official 2008 Aubarn Bowl Game Theme Song

Sure beats playing a crappy Utah team in a crappy bowl!