Gene Cheez-it Wins SEC West Newbie Coach National Championship!!!

Coach Dan Mullen (secretly a bammer) said in the post-game presser, "Cheez-it cheated!" Obviously this guy has got serious issues...

The road to the national championship continued last Saturday as Aubarn (AL) pummeled fellow conference powerhouse (and not a Florida divisional school), Mississippi State (who is 2-1 against Bammer in the last three years).

Coach Cheez-it (now 7-19!), had a tough task in front of him going into a monstrous battle, Saturday night by having to work hard all week at coming up with a solution to STOPPING a Misserssippi State offense that currently EQUALS the Florider Gatorz offense. In addition, he was also battling for the SEC West Newbie Coach of the Year National Championship (HA HA BAMMER WON WON SEC WEST NEWBIE COACH OF THE YEAR NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP AND YAL'L DIDN'T!! HAHAHA!). Coach Cheez-it yet again proved to the universe that he is the best coach in terms of all aspects of coaching Saturday night by, not just blowing out one of the best teams the SEC West had to offer, but also shutting down a Florida Gator offense now turned Mississippi State Bulldawg... and also winning the SEC West Newbie Coach of the Year National Championship!

Looks like even ole Tuberneck lent Coach Cheez-it some advice on how to shut down a Florider Gator offense, now turned Misserssippi State!

Next week, Coach Cheez-it has his hands full again with an undefeated and overly extremely powerful Mountaineer squad who blew out a great coach last year, which was Tommy Tuberneck. West Virginia currently has two convincing wins over BCS powerhouses, Liberty (33-20) and ECU (35-20). I know coach Cheez-it will prevail as this will be yet another tune up game for him. Winning just ain't a problem with the Cheez-whiz!

Courtesy of CrapstoneReport.

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!!

Aubarn (AL) Obliterates BCS Powerhouse Louisiana-Tech... 13 Left!

Can you say... 6-19? 6-19? 6-19?

Is it just me, or does Coach Cheez-it look eerily similar to Roy Scheider in his younger days?

Folks, if you didn't get to catch Aubarn (AL)'s convincing victory over BCS powerhouse Louisiana-Tech, then you missed several historic moments unveil themselves last Saturday night: Gene Cheez-it's Aubarn (AL) debut; Gene Cheez-it's SIXTH career victory; the first game of Aubarn (AL)'s 2009 BCS/Iron Bowl National Championship season; and lastly Gene Cheez-it being awarded a brand spankin' new double-wide on Wire Road, courtesy of the Aubarn (AL) Athletic Department for beating the second best "Tech" program in the country (the first being us).

Coach Cheez-it said he's already made hotel reservations in Pasadena, California!

At least we beat the best Tech team in the state of Louisianer, while Alabammer struggled with a no-named Tech team from somewhere up North.

Courtesy of In The Know over at The Crapstone Report

Tune in this Saturday as Aubarn (AL) and Coach Gene Cheez-it focuses their attention on Alabammer Mississippi State for Aubarn (AL)'s second win of the season and Coach Gene Cheez-it's SEVENTH career win!

The road continues THIS SATURDAY!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Otis Franklin Hired at Middle Tennersee

Award winning novelist, Otis Franklin cleans out his office in Opelika.

It's official: Otis Franklin is now the offensive coordinator of Middle Tennersee (why do us Barnies have a hard time pronouncing state names and the word "tomater") aka one of the many teams we destroyed during the 2008 campaign.

Otis, known for his articulate writing skills and phenomenal offensive coaching ability, defeated Louisiana-Monroe (HA HA ALABAMMER WE BEAT THEM AND Y'ALL DIDN'T), Southern Miss, Tennersee, along with a breathtaking victory over western division powerhouse: Mississippi (said that one right) State!

Personally, I think Otis is one of the greatest offensive coordinators EVER, even better than fatty Al and Arthur Gustav Malzahn III. Too bad he's not with us anymore; however, it's comforting to know we have Eugene Cheez-it heading our program, so we'll be just fine!

WAR DAMN SPREAD EAGLE!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man on Coach Cheez-it's First Recruit...

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka only undefeated Finebaum caller.

WHHHHHHAZZZZZZZ UP!!!!! HERE COMES ME, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY FELLOW BARNIE HOMEDOGS!!

WELL... WELL... WELL... IT LOOKS LIKE COACH GENE CHEEZIT HAS STOLEN THE RECRUITING SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM COACH SATAN SABAN ALREADY!

HELL, AUBARN MAY BE RANKED 26TH NOW, BUT WE'RE ALREADY THREATENING ALABAMMER'S NUMBER 4 RANKING ACCORDING TO RIVALS.COM.

ANYWAY, WE STOLE OLE HARRIS GASTON AWAY FROM COLLEGE FOOTBALL POWERHOUSES: UAB, MISSISSIPPI STATE, KENTUCKY, AND VANDERBILT, WHO BARELY BEAT US BY A POINT THIS YEAR!!!!

I FEEL HARRIS GASTON WILL DESTROY THOSE ALABAMMER WIDE RECEIVERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE, AND HE WILL LEAD US TO ANOTHER IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SOMETIME SOON. I CAN'T WAIT.

BAMMERS BEWARE AND COACH SATAN YOU'D BETTER FEAR AND KNOW THAT YOUR NUMBER 4 RANKING IS IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY BECAUSE AUBARN RECRUITING IS MOVING ON UP, BITCHES!!!

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

***Moderator's Note: I intend on posting my thoughts on Coach Cheez-it's first "big time" recruit sometime Wed. evening. WDEH***

PREDICTIONS: 2008

This quote was taken from an ESPN page, written by a man called Mark Schlabach. 

"17. Auburn will name Gus Malzahn its coach-in-waiting
After the Tigers lose their first three games against Louisiana Tech, Mississippi State and West Virginia, Auburn will name offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn its coach-in-waiting to succeed recently hired Gene Chizik. USC quarterback Mitch Mustain, who played for Malzahn in high school and briefly at Arkansas, will transfer to Auburn."

Photo courtesy of Church of Saban

Okay, so it's obvious ole' Mark Schlabach is Bammer biased, just like the rest of the liberal media is.  

What is he seeing that we Barnies aren't? He must be as blind as the possum Granny Joan fried up last night for us.

This is just another reason for me to hate all the media, outside of The Opelika-Aubarn News. They're the most credible and unbiased news source, second to the AUbarnie Blogger of course. I want some of what he's smoking, because I sure as hell know it ain't that good stuff that ole' Coach Dye is growing down on his end of the farm. What's he gonna tell us next, Paul Finebaum is his bammer bed buddy? Or better yet, Paul Finebaum is a barnie? LOLOLOLOLOLOL! RIDICULOUS!

I'll be sure to send this moron, Mark Schlabach a friendly email immediately after we win the Iron Bowl National Championship and the BCS Championship next year... it's coming!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

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