FURMAN REVIEW: GENE CHEEZ-IT WINS HOMECOMING NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

I'd like to apologize for the late post. If you're that upset about it so sue me -- it ain't like you'll get much out of this $6.50 an hour job (at the Wire Road Truck Stop) of mine anyway.

Upon his arrival in Lee County, coach Gene Cheez-it and Jay Jacobs discuss the ultimate goal of the upcoming season: win the Homecoming National Championship game.

Coach Gene Cheez-it, again known for his right-field pranks, pulls another one on Opelika! He said he was just kidding about winning the SEC Championship, and our real goal of the 2009 season was to win the 2009 Homecoming National Championship game! And guess what? WE DID!!!!! WE ARE THE 2009 HOMECOMING CHAMPIONS!!! Powerhouse Furman was absolutely NO MATCH for the War Eagles of Aubarn (AL)!!!

Next week we've got the Dawgs... they'd better be glad they ain't playing us in the jungle, cause we've got a whole lot of pent up water frustration we're ready to unleash on them like water pressure building in a water hose (pun intended).

And...

HAHAHAHA ALABAMMER, WE'RE ON ESPN 2 AND Y'ALL ARE ON ESPN!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

tAOPI Finishes First in Lee County!!!

Coach Cheez-it and Arby celebrates together, after receiving word The Polytechnic Institute finished first in recruiting in the magical county of Lee.

HA HA ALABAMMER, WE FINISHED FIRST IN THE LEE COUNTRY RECRUITING RANKINGS AND YOU DIDN'T!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry, I just couldn't resist! Anyway, I woke up to some very splendid news today: Coach Cheez-it soared in his very first recruiting class, by bringing us the top class in the county, beating out high school powerhouses such as Opelika High School, Rose of Sharon, and Smiths Station High School. Immediately following, fliers were being passed out and posted up everywhere for the "Number 1 Class Rolling" and "Number 1 Class Rodeo".

The Number 1 Recruiting Class Rolling of Toomer's Ceremony.

Coach Cheez-it even spoke on the amazing accomplishment of which he was the driving force behind it all: "I come to you today to say it is an honorary privilege to live in the great county of Lee, in one of the best double-wides Wire Road has to offer. I'm also proud to be the head coach of this shitty... I mean, freaking awesome University, and who brought in one of the most dynamic recruiting classes ever to hit Lee County. With this phenomenal first ranked class, I will win the Iron Bowl National Championship every single year for as long as I'm here, and you can take that to the bank!" {Remember, this is the same coach who has a very unique sense of humor too}

As soon as Coach Cheez-it said that, I about shat in my tighty whitties! Not only did he deliver us one of the best (and number 1) recruiting class in years, he also is overly confident that he will win every Iron Bowl National Championship from here on out, and the way I see it, he'll be here for many, many years to come!

Folks, I can assure you the future is bright and our program is currently held in the absolute best of hands. I'm looking forward to next year's number 1 recruiting class in the county of Lee. 

Until then, WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!!!

More recruiting news to come...

Barnie of the week!

THE LEE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTENT!!!

Amidst all the recent craziness taking place in Opelika (i.e. the hiring of Coach Cheezit aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1, Bammer losing to Utah aka The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institutes' second team, The War on Opelika, and of course US WELCOMING IN A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT BY ROLLING OUR TREE... even though it was all a hoax thanks to the Jokster, Coach Cheez-it), these mighty fine Aubarn Men™ known as the Sheriff's of Lee County have done a remarkable job of keeping all the Opelikans/Barnies safe during these times of mass craziness.

For that, I'm honoring them by selecting them as this week's Barnie of the week!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Coach Cheez-It Pulls a Joke on Opelika!

Wonder when they'll make these in orange and blue?

I know a new six letter word (Chizik), and our new coach is full of it!

LOLOLOLOL!

But it's nice to know we have a head coach who can take and administer a joke or two every now and again, unlike Bammer's head coach. A very reliable source (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) told me, on the eve of Coach Cheez-it's hiring, that ole' Coach Cheez had a very unique sense of humor -- and today, the dysfunctional Barnie family experienced it first hand!

A mere four days after Coach Cheez-it promised the Opelika natives that prime-time, all-star, mega-man recruit, Reuben Randle would visit the plains, and even had a single-wide on Wire Road already picked out, today, we learned that Coach Cheez-it was just kidding about the whole Randle ordeal all along -- and hell if we didn't fall for it too! We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Welcome Reuben Randle Rodeo" atop that!

Emmit Randle told the Bammerham News, "I don't know how that got out, but we never scheduled a visit."

I had a chance to catch up with Coach C today in the trailer park, and he told me, "I just thought a good spin would help build my credibility as an unproven recruiter."

I don't really know how to translate that, but all I said in response was, "You ever thought of giving stand-up comedy a shot?" He said, "No, not in today's society."

Well, seeing how that's squared away, at least we learned another thing about our new coach: he sure is a joker (I would insert a photoshopped Cheezit/Joker pic here but due to server difficulties it's impossible right now)! Maybe next he can tell us that he's certain we'll win the Iron Bowl National Championship next year! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!