Here comes the Barnies!!!

AND WE TAKING OVER TUSCALOOSER, ALABAMMER!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

Operation: Backfire... The AUbarnie's Letter to Curtis Anderson

Don't tell the Bammers, but our Operation Derail has backfired!

Dear Curtis Anderson,

As a sincere and lifelong Aubarn (AL) fan, I must commend you on your complete dedication and focus on derailing the tracks that The University of Alabammer AT Tuscalooser is currently on -- as well as being brave enough to be the soul middle man for the Aubarn (AL) boosters when nobody else would do it.

When the top-secret news broke across Aubarn (AL) message boards all across the net that Aubarn (AL) boosters promised to get Alabammer back by signing all of the states top recruits (and cheating as well... after all who wouldn't want to attend four years at Aubarn (AL) ?) -- namely Jerrell Harris, Barnies all across Lee County celebrated in unison. We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Get 'em back" rodeo in further celebration.

Now, it has come to my attention that Bammers are starting to gain suspicion of our attempts to destroy their program, bringing them down to our level of greatness. After reporting that Robert Witt flew to the NCAA headquarters to speak with the NCAA -- a president wouldn't fly to talk about a player's eligibility, Bammers getting the Alabammer Attorney General involved, and someone spilling the beans that you're wife is an avid Barnie, and your son currently attends school here at Aubarn (AL), the plan has back-fired.

Here are a few solutions from keeping Aubarn (AL) out of trouble: 1) Tell them you're secretly working for The University of Alabammer AND NOT Aubarn (AL) boosters. 2) Tell your wife to change her allegiance (temporarily) and enroll your son at Alabammer (temporarily). 3) Get the Aubarn (AL) boosters to lend you enough cash to buy ALL of the Alabama players Escalade Limo's (and tell them they're from Bear Bryant Jr.). 4) Send a fake contract to Nick Saban from Opelika High School offering him $40,000 a year to come coach the Bulldogs.

Now you must do this ASAP or else we'll get canned for this. Seeing as how you're brighter than most Bammers are saying, I trust that you'll make the right decisions by choosing NOT to report Aubarn (AL)... after all, telling them you had no idea Jones, Ingram, and Harris were football players was a good start.

With that being said, we thank you for your Aubarn (AL) patronage and a big WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY is deserved!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on the Super Six Moving to Aubarn (AL)

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.


WHAT UP MY NIGGAZ???? HERE I COME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY MANZ!!!

YOU KNOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND JUST WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL THE STATE OF ALABAMMER HAD TO MOVE THE SUPER SIX FROM BAMMERHAM TO TUSCALOOSER AND AUBARN (AL)?!?!?! IT SHOULD BE PLAYED EVERY YEAR IN AUBARN (AL) AND NOWHERE ELSE FOR DAMMIT'S SAKE!!! AUBARN (AL) HAS THE PRETTIEST STADIUM IN ALL THE LAND. JUST DIG THROUGH THE ARCHIVE AND READ WHAT AUBARNIE HAD TO SAY ABOUT OUR STADIUM COMPARED TO ALABAMMER'S.

WAIT A MINUTE... MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE BAMMER FANS CRY TOO MUCH! YEAH! THAT'S IT! ALL THEY DO IS CRY ABOUT AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL). AND THE STATE OF ALABAMMER GOVERNMENT JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH ALL THE BAMMER FAN CRYING. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE I GUESS.

ANYWHO, I GUESS IT CAN SERVE A PURPOSE BECAUSE KIDS WON'T LIKE TUSCALOOSER. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COW COLLEGE THAT'S ABOUT 4 FEET LONG, WHERE THE WELCOME TO AND NOW LEAVING SIGN IS ON THE SAME POST. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE RODEOS CONSUME MOST OF THEIR TIME. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE THEY AIN'T GOTTA DO JACK SHIT TO EARN A DEGREE! KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT AIN'T AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT ON COWS. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS ON CAMPUS BARNS AND COW PASTURES. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS FOUR BARS AND FEATURE THE BEST LOCAL COUNTRY MUSIC SINGERS IN LEE COUNTY (MY FREAKING AWESOME BAND EVEN PLAYS AT THE SKY BARn IN DOWNTOWN AUBARN (AL) EVERY NOW AND THEN)! KIDS WILL LIKE THE AUBARN EXPERIENCE. HELL THEY EVEN GET A FREE JACKED-UP TRUCK FOR COMING TO PLAY FOR US! SO IT IS A GOOD THING BABY!!!

WELL THIS CONCLUDES MY ALABAMMER RANT OF THE DAY!! I-MAN OUT BIOTCHES!!

CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Cheez-it Effect Now Making Impact on Alabammer Recruiting

Photo courtesy of Church of Saban

Prime Alabammer recruit Gerald West has decommited from Alabammer.

This guy was so ass-backwards dumb, he didn't know a little town called Opelika, home of The Polytechnic Institute, even existed! However, after doing a little research in his private time, he seen that we are the number 1 team in the state of Alabammer. He furthered his research by finding out who the head coach of The Polytechnic Institute was. That's when he said, "I'm getting the hell out of here!"

He was so scared of Coach Cheez-it, he didn't even want to play for him!

Chalk down another victim of The Cheez-it Effect... Before you know it, Alabammer will be begging us to send our recruits their way because if Coach Cheez-it keeps it up, T-Town will be more like a Ghost-Town!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

James Bond-Willis Is Elevated to "00" Status

My fellow Barnies, today is a landmark in the history of Opelika's existence.

A loyal and sincere Aubarn Man™ by the name of Coach James Bond Willis was promoted to 00 status, which was sanctioned by Coach Gene Cheez-it aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!11

Immediately following James Bond Willis earning his honorable spy ranking, he's officially embarking on his first mission as an Aubarn 00: traveling into enemy territory over in Tuscalooser, Alabammer to infiltrate Coach Nick Satan's layer, while working undercover!

We here at the AUbarnie wishes Coach James Bond Willis the absolute best of luck as he helps lead The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute (while working undercover) to another Iron Bowl National Championship in 2009!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY AND WAR DANG JAMES BOND WILLIS HEY!