I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on Cam "Jesus" Newtron, Ole Myth, and the 2010 CF Season...

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN ON THE FINEBAUM SHOW, JUST LIKE MY MIGHTY AUBARN (AL) TIGERZ DO ON THE FIELD... WHAT ABOUT YAL'L, MY FELLOW BAMMER ENVYING HATING AUBARN (AL) FAMILY MEMBERZ???

YA KNOW, RIGHT NOW AUBARN (AL) IS UNDEFEATED AND ALABAMMER IS DEFEATED!!! ALABAMMER LOST TO A TEAM WE STRAIGHT UP OBLITERATED SO BAD, STEVE SPURRIER HAD TO PUT HIS SECOND STRING QUARTERBACK IN!!! AND WHAT DID ALABAMMER DO THAT TEAM??? THEY STRAIGHT UP GOT WHOOPED ON!!!

BY MY LOGIC, ALABAMMER IS GONNA GET PWNED BY THE MESSIAH, DELL CAM NEWTON! IT AIN'T EVEN GONNA BE CLOSE!!! ALABAMMER DOESN'T HAVING THE COACHING THAT CLEMSON HAS. THEY DON'T HAVE THE QUARTERBACK THAT MISSERSIPPI STATE HAS. AND THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T HAVE THE DEFENSE THAT KENTUCKY HAS. THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WE WON BY 3 POINTS, AND GUESS WHAT... WE'RE GONNA WIN BY 300 IN THE IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!! AUBARN WILL SCORE 300 POINTS IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF THE IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, AND BECAUSE THOSE CHEATING, CROOKED REFS ARE ON BAMMERZ SIDE, THEY'LL ENFORCE A MERCY RULE AND END THE GAME, BEFORE CAM "NICK SATAN" NEWTON CAN SCORE 3000 ON THEM!!

BOOK IT NOW AND BECOME A MILLIONAIRE!! I'VE ALREADY CONTACTED VEGAS AND SO SHOULD YOU... UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT!

CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on A(AL)U vs. Clemson

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka

the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

I'M NOT AFRAID... I'M NOT AFRAID... EVERYBODY... EVERYBODY... HEY HEY HEY! WHAT IT BE MY AUBARN HOMIES?!

YALL KNOW IT'S WEEK THREE AND...... BAMMER'S UNDEFEATED. THAT JUST MAKES ME MADDER THAN A GAY DUDE BEING HIT ON BY A GIRL. EVERY YEAR IT'S THE SAME OLE SHIT. HOW CAN A TWO-TIME NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP WINNING COACH, WITH NFL EXPERIENCE, COACHING THE MOST STORIED AND TRADITION RICH PROGRAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY BE SO SUCCESSFUL???? IT'S SIMPLE: THOSE ASS-PIRATES ARE CHEATING! CHEATING! CHEATING! CHEATING!

IT'S BEEN SAID MORE THAN A TIME OR TWO THAT THE PLOI WILL BE SENT IN THREE WEEKS, PROBLEM IS IT DIDN'T COME. HOWEVER, RECENT STUDIES HAVE SHOWN MOST AUBARN FANS CAN'T COUNT, THEREFORE, THEY DID MEAN IT WAS COMING, BUT JUST HAD THEIR MATH A LITTLE WRONG. NO BIG DEAL. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND WE ALL KNOW WE AUBARN FANS ARE FAR FROM PERFECT.

BUT THE PLOI IS COMING AND ALABAMMER WILL BE SLAMMED WITH NCAA SANCTIONS AND AUBARN, AL WILL REIGN SUPREME!

I KNOW I CAN'T WAIT, WHAT ABOUT YALL??? BTW, WHO IS AUBARN PLAYING AGAIN THIS WEEKEND? I KNOW ALABAMMER IS PLAYING DUKE, AT WALLACE WADE STADIUM AND THEY'VE INCREASED THEIR CAPACITY FOR THIS ONE GAME ALONE, AND IT WILL BE ON ABC, AND INGRAM WILL BE RETURNING, AND NICK SATAN REFERRED TO DUKE AS A DANGEROUS TEAM, AND I CAN GO ON AND ON AND ON.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, I KNOW AUBARN IS PLAYING SOMETIME THIS WEEKEND. CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE IT'S BEING PLAYED AND WHAT TIME ON WHAT DAY. BUT ANYWHO, SOMEBODY REMIND ME QUICK! BUT I AIN'T WATCHING AUBARN PLAY IF ITS THE SAME TIME BAMMER IZ ON.

I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man Returns...

And him's bringing the Mountain Man Band along with hims!

Do you have a thirst for Incomprehensible Man's dizzy logic?

Are you hungry for some blind Incomprehensible Man commentary?

Are you unable to listen to his ongoing nonsense on the Paul Finebaum show?

Do you miss Incomprehensible Man's weekly ya ya just as much as you miss the girl/guy who took your virginity?

If the aforementioned applies to you, well you're in luck because Incomprehensible Man IS BACK and he has a letter to all of the faithful Aubarn (AL) Men and Women and children and pets:

WAZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUP!!! HERE I COME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY ALBURN PEEPS!!!

FORGIVE MY HIATUS BUT I-MAN HAS BEEN ON A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY BITCHES! THAT'S RIGHT, ONE DAY UPON AWAKENING I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH AND IT WAS TIME FOR A CHANGE. SO I LOADED UP MY PICKUP WITH RAMEN NOODLES AND VIENNA SAUSAGES AND BUD LIGHT AND PULLED OUT THE DRIVEWAY. THEN... MY FUCKING TRUCK BROKE DOWN NOT EVEN FIVE MILES FROM THE HOUSE. SO THEN, I BEGAN TO WALK. SOME CALL IT A LABOR OF LOVE, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS. I WAS WALKING BECAUSE I LOVE AUBARN. MY DESTINATION: THE GREAT BEYOND AKA INDIANAPOLIS INDIANA.

NOW WHY WAS I WALKING ALL THE WAY TO INDIANAPOLIS INDIANA? DUHHHH TO DELIVER EVIDENCE OF ALABAMMER CHEATING. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT, I DID IN FACT MAKE IT TO INDIANAPOLIS BUT THE FREAKING NCAA HEADQUARTERS WERE CLOSED, AND I WAS STUCK INT HE POURING RAIN BUT I DID THE SMART THING AND LEFT THE LETTER ON THE DOORSTEP.

SO ANY DAY NOW THE NCAA WILL DELIVER THE HAMMER ON ALABAMMER AND I'LL BE HERE TO REPORT IT TO YOU FIRST BECAUSE I-MAN IS BACK BIOTCHES AND HOES!!!!

IN THE MEANTIME, YOU CAN CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man-Clause Speaks Out on the Bowl Season

I-Man Clause: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller aka the only Santa Clause with black chest hair.

HO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM AND A BOTTLE OF RUM HO HO HO!!! HERE I AM LIIIIIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE NORTH POLE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN CLAUSE MY LITTLE ELF-LETTES!!!

YA KNOW, ALABAMMER CHEATED TO BEAT FLORIDA. THE REC PUT THEM IN PLACE TO BEAT FLORIDER, SETTING THEM UP ON THE GRANDEST STAGE AGAINST TEXAS (SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED IT). HOWEVER, TEXAS AIN'T NO UTAH... THEY'RE BETTER!! WAY BETTER IN FACT. IN FACT, TEXAS IS GONNA BEAT ALABAMMER SO BADLY, THOSE RENTED MULES WE GOTS THAT WE BEATS DOWN HERE IN COW TOWN WILL SEEM LIKE A MINI VACATION AT THE OPELIKA INN!!

SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED THE OFFICIALS IN THE GAME DECLINES THE REC'S CHANCES OF PAYING THEM TO LET ALABAMMER WIN, SO IT'S GONNA BE OOOOOONNNNN AND TEXAS IS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER WHAT AUBARN (AL) WAS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER BEFORE THE REC STEPPED IN (AND EVEN THOUGH THEY CHEATED, THEY STILL DIDN'T BLOW US OUT).

I FEEL AWFULLY BAD FOR ALABAMMER AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. TEXAS IS TEN STEPS BETTER THAN UTAH AND TEXAS IS GOING TO WHIP BAMMER THE WAY I WHIP THAT BOTTLE OF JACK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!!

WELL, IT'S TIME TO GET BACK TO MY REINDEERS CAUSE THEY ACTING A FOOL Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR, I-MAN CLAUSE OUT!!

YOU CAN CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK EVERY MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on Aubarn (AL)'s Mid-Way Point

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka

the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

FUCK THE INTRODUCTION TODAY I'M CUTTING STRAIGHT TO MY POINT...

BAMMER CHEATS. PLAIN AND SIMPLE!

I HAVE SOME INSIDE SOURCES WHO CURRENTLY WORK FOR THE NCAA (WHO I USED TO INSTALL AIR CONDITIONING UNITS FOR) AND THEY ARE TELLING ME ALABAMMER IS CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR PAYING THE REF'S TO MAKE SURE THAT AUBARN (AL) LOSES. IT'S TWO WEEKS IN A ROW THAT THOSE DIRTY CHEATIN' NO GOOD BASTERDS HAVE SCREWED US OVER AND SOON THEY WILL PAY FOR IT.

ALABAMMER IS NOW FACING THREE DEATH PENALTIES AND LOUISVILLE IS IN TALKS OF REPLACING ALABAMMER IN THE SEC AFTER THE DOORS ON THEIR PROGRAM ARE SHUT FOR ALL ETERNITY.

AUBARN (AL) IS TAKING SERIOUS MEASURES TO PREVENT ALABAMMER FROM GETTING TO THE REF'S IN BATON ROOOOJE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE BY PAYING THEM TO IGNORE THE BAMMERS IN ADVANCE. THE REF'S DIDN'T HESITATE TO TAKE THE MONEY AS THEY LAUGHED THEIR ASSES OFF WHEN WE HANDED IT TO THEM. WHAT WAS SO FUNNY TO THOSE IDIOTS, I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT AT LEAST WE KNOW BAMMER AIN'T GONNA GET TO THEM THIS WEEK!

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts Aubarn (AL)'s Opening Game VS. La. Tech

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

WHAT IT IS MY FELLOW BARNIE AMIGOS? I-MAN IS BACK LIKE BRET FAVRE AND BAMMER... I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE LATTER.

ANYWHO...

YA KNOW VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA PUT IT ON BAMMER. WHEN I SAY PUT IT ON I MEAN PUT IT ON LIKE THE NCAA DID TO THOSE CHEATING BAMMERS WHO HANDED OUT FREE CLASS CREDITS... I MEAN FREE TEXTBOOKS TO THOSE CERTAIN INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS. VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW LIKE AUBARN (AL) DID TO THEM LAST YEAR... I MEAN LIKE UTAH DID TO THEM LAST YEAR.

VIRGINIA TECH'S GONNA SEND SABAN INTO A DRINKING FRENZY AND I'LL BET MY LIFE SAVINGS EARNED FROM MY AIR CONDITIONING BUSINESS ON THAT! BAMMERS YOU SHOULD TAKE NOTES ON HOW TO HANDLE AN OPPONENT. BY TAKING NOTES I MEAN BY WATCHING WRBL'S GAME OF THE WEEK: AUBARN AND LOUISIANA TECH. WE'RE GOING TO MANHANDLE THEM THE WAY WE MANHANDLE OUR COWS DOWN AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE IN AUBARN (AL). MAYBE OLE COACH NICK CAN ALSO TAKE SOME COACHING NOTES BECAUSE COACH CHEEZ-IT'S GONNA SCHOOL LOSER TECH WHILE VIRGINIAR TECH IS GONNA SCHOOL ALABAMMER. SO HAVE THEM NOTEPADS READY CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT SATURDAY.

HECK IF WORST COMES TO WORST, I'M SURE COACH CHEEZ-IT WILL HAVE AN OPENING ON THE GRAD ASSISTANT STAFF THAT $ATAN MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN CAUSE AFTER VIRGINIA TECH SHUTS BAMMER OUT AND SITS EM DOWN COACH $ATAN WILL LEAVE ANYWAY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I THINK I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BAMMERS. LOOK AT WHERE WE'RE AT TODAY AND WHERE Y'ALL ARE AT. Y'ALL MAY WANNA GO AHEAD AND FORFEIT THE NEXT 20 IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS JUST TO SAVE THE HEARTACHE! HEY... IT'S JUST A SUGGESTION! I'M JUST LENDING SOME FRIENDLY RIVAL ADVICE WHILE THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG CAUSE COME SATURDAY IT'LL BE ALL OVER FOR Y'ALL!

I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK UP ON Y'ALL WHILE WE'RE BASKING IN THE GLORY OF DEFEATING ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS PROGRAMS IN THE COUNTRY WHILE Y'ALL ARE HANGING YOUR HEADS IN DEFEAT AFTER A CUPCAKE TEAM DESTROYS Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on the Super Six Moving to Aubarn (AL)

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.


WHAT UP MY NIGGAZ???? HERE I COME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY MANZ!!!

YOU KNOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND JUST WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL THE STATE OF ALABAMMER HAD TO MOVE THE SUPER SIX FROM BAMMERHAM TO TUSCALOOSER AND AUBARN (AL)?!?!?! IT SHOULD BE PLAYED EVERY YEAR IN AUBARN (AL) AND NOWHERE ELSE FOR DAMMIT'S SAKE!!! AUBARN (AL) HAS THE PRETTIEST STADIUM IN ALL THE LAND. JUST DIG THROUGH THE ARCHIVE AND READ WHAT AUBARNIE HAD TO SAY ABOUT OUR STADIUM COMPARED TO ALABAMMER'S.

WAIT A MINUTE... MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE BAMMER FANS CRY TOO MUCH! YEAH! THAT'S IT! ALL THEY DO IS CRY ABOUT AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL). AND THE STATE OF ALABAMMER GOVERNMENT JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH ALL THE BAMMER FAN CRYING. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE I GUESS.

ANYWHO, I GUESS IT CAN SERVE A PURPOSE BECAUSE KIDS WON'T LIKE TUSCALOOSER. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COW COLLEGE THAT'S ABOUT 4 FEET LONG, WHERE THE WELCOME TO AND NOW LEAVING SIGN IS ON THE SAME POST. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE RODEOS CONSUME MOST OF THEIR TIME. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE THEY AIN'T GOTTA DO JACK SHIT TO EARN A DEGREE! KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT AIN'T AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT ON COWS. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS ON CAMPUS BARNS AND COW PASTURES. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS FOUR BARS AND FEATURE THE BEST LOCAL COUNTRY MUSIC SINGERS IN LEE COUNTY (MY FREAKING AWESOME BAND EVEN PLAYS AT THE SKY BARn IN DOWNTOWN AUBARN (AL) EVERY NOW AND THEN)! KIDS WILL LIKE THE AUBARN EXPERIENCE. HELL THEY EVEN GET A FREE JACKED-UP TRUCK FOR COMING TO PLAY FOR US! SO IT IS A GOOD THING BABY!!!

WELL THIS CONCLUDES MY ALABAMMER RANT OF THE DAY!! I-MAN OUT BIOTCHES!!

CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thought of the Day!

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HEY... HEY... HEY... IT'S ME, I-MAN D, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CIT-Y... OF THE CONFEDERACY!

I'LL GO AHEAD AND GET STARTED BY TALKING ABOUT ANDRE SMITH... WHAT A GIGANTIC SACK OF SHEER PUSSY-NESS! I AIN'T NEVER IN MY LIFE SEEN OR HEARD OF A TOP PROSPECT (WHO'S OVERRATED IN MY OPINION) WALK-OUT OF AN NFL COMBINE... HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE? HE'S DEFINITELY A TRUE BAMMER AT THAT.

MY OTHER SOURCE, AND FELLOW FINEBAUM CALLER (THOUGH THIS CAT AIN'T UNDEFEATED LIKE ME), BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, CLAIMS ALABAMMER AND NICK SATAN HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM LEAVING. ACCORDING TO BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, THE NCAA HAS ALREADY REACHED THEIR VERDICT, AND ALABAMMER IS IN SOME SERIOUS TROUBLE FOR THIS. PERSONALLY, I'M GLAD BECAUSE ALABAMMER DESERVES IT AND COACH GENE CHEEZ-IT'S GONNA MAKE SURE THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO THE GREATEST TEAM IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE: AUBARN! UNLIKE SATAN, HE AIN'T NO CHEATER AND HE WINS LIKE A MAN AND LOSES... WELL, HE AIN'T NEVER GONNA LOSE SO HE WINS LIKE A MAN AND HE WINS FAIR AND SQUARE, DAMMIT!

I-MAN... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Sabanism... Not Cool!

Teachers at a grade school in Florence, Alabammer, forces innocent children to participate in the cult-religion: Sabanism.

First off, I'm just a small-town, country bumpkin, God-fearing man (with a forthcoming degree from The Polytechnic Institute). I believe religion is a good thing and I do believe grade schools should not dismiss of prayer and religion and school...

But this is taking it overboard. At least the schools who still participate in morning prayers, don't force it upon their students.

Folks, Sabanism is an evil religion, which is habitually practiced by Bammurz -- not Barnies, such as myself. It appears now, schools in the state of Alabammer are forcing their students to participate in this hideous religion.

I, along with my two prime sources (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) are going to work endlessly to protest this nonsense. In fact, we're in the process of typing up a petition, going against this nonsense, which we'll forward to Governor Bob Riley upon finalization... Wait a minute, Bob Riley graduated from Bammer, so he practices this religion as well... Well, we shall also work on booting him out of office in the upcoming days.

Until then... WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on The Polytechnic Institutes' Number 1 Class

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.

BACK IN BLACK! I HIT THE SACK, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG I'M GLAD TO BE BACK... YOOOOOO HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN AKA YOUR NUMBER 1 SOURCE, ALONG WITH BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER ON ALL THE ALABAMMER ATHLETICS!

YOU KNOW, NICK SATAN IS A CHEATER PLAIN AND SIMPLE. YOU HEARD IT FROM ME FIRST, HIS DAYS ARE NUMBERED. NOT ONLY IS COACH CHEEZ-IT GONNA SPEW VOMIT ALL OVER HIM ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, BUT HE'S ALSO GONNA SEND HIM PACKING ON THE RECRUITING TRAIL TOO. BY THE WAY, THAT IS BEFORE THE ALABAMMER PROGRAM IS SENTENCED TO THE DEATH PENALTY FOR CHEATING. PEOPLE WONDER HOW AND WHY NICK SATAN IS SUCH A "GOOD" RECRUITER... WELL, I'LL TELL YA RIGHT NOW IT'S BECAUSE HE CHEATS DAMMIT! HE BUYS HIS RECRUITS HAPPY MEALS FROM MCDONALD'S; HE SEDUCES THEIR MOTHERS; HELL HE EVEN TAKES THEM OUT FOR DRINKS ON OCCASION! BUT HE WON'T BE CHEATING FOR TOO MUCH LONGER BECAUSE THE NCAA IS EYEING HIM CLOSELY AND THEY'RE ALREADY TYPING UP THEIR PLOI, WHICH HE'LL BE RECEIVING HERE SHORTLY. MARK MY WORDS, IT'S COMING... I AM MY OWN SOURCE AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!

I-MAN IS OUT BIZITCHES! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man on Aubarn's Stellar Recruiting Prospects

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka

only undefeated Finebaum caller.


I-MAN IS BACK AND I'M LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY! I HOPE Y'ALL MISSED ME BECAUSE I SURE MISSED BEING HERE, EVEN THOUGH FISHING IN THE MUDDY LAKE BARFIELD WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. I EVEN HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF FISHING WITH LEGENDARY AUBARN COACH, AND SKILLED CHEF, TOMMY TUBERVILLE. WE TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH BAMMER SUCKS AND HOW GAY NICK SABAN IS. OTHER THAN THAT, WE REALLY DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.


ANYWHO, LET'S TALK ABOUT ALABAMMER'S RECRUITING. LET'S TALK ABOUT NICK SATAN BEING A MASTER AT CHEATING.

FIRST OF ALL, ALABAMMER HAS ONE OF THE MOST OVERRATED RECRUITING CLASSES IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL. SECOND OF ALL, NICK SABAN IS CHEATING TO GET THOSE KIDS TO COME AND PLAY FOR ALABAMMER, ACCORDING TO A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE, AND FELLOW BARNIE AND FELLOW FINEBAUM CALLER (BUT HIS ASS AIN'T UNDEFEATED LIKE ME) BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD ALABAMMER.


BOBBY IS AUBARN'S NUMBER 1 SOURCE, SO I BELIEVE HIM. BOBBY ALSO SAYS NICK SATAN IS PLANNING ON LEAVING ALABAMMER BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS, IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NCAA SLAPS THE CUFFS ON ALABAMMER, AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS DECADE.


I KNOW I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE AUBARN BRING IN A BETTER, AND CLEANER, RECRUITING CLASS THAN BAMMER IS DOING RIGHT NOW! I ALSO CAN'T WAIT TO SEE US WIN THE IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP NEXT YEAR TOO!

I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man on Coach Cheez-it's First Recruit...

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka only undefeated Finebaum caller.

WHHHHHHAZZZZZZZ UP!!!!! HERE COMES ME, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY FELLOW BARNIE HOMEDOGS!!

WELL... WELL... WELL... IT LOOKS LIKE COACH GENE CHEEZIT HAS STOLEN THE RECRUITING SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM COACH SATAN SABAN ALREADY!

HELL, AUBARN MAY BE RANKED 26TH NOW, BUT WE'RE ALREADY THREATENING ALABAMMER'S NUMBER 4 RANKING ACCORDING TO RIVALS.COM.

ANYWAY, WE STOLE OLE HARRIS GASTON AWAY FROM COLLEGE FOOTBALL POWERHOUSES: UAB, MISSISSIPPI STATE, KENTUCKY, AND VANDERBILT, WHO BARELY BEAT US BY A POINT THIS YEAR!!!!

I FEEL HARRIS GASTON WILL DESTROY THOSE ALABAMMER WIDE RECEIVERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE, AND HE WILL LEAD US TO ANOTHER IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SOMETIME SOON. I CAN'T WAIT.

BAMMERS BEWARE AND COACH SATAN YOU'D BETTER FEAR AND KNOW THAT YOUR NUMBER 4 RANKING IS IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY BECAUSE AUBARN RECRUITING IS MOVING ON UP, BITCHES!!!

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

***Moderator's Note: I intend on posting my thoughts on Coach Cheez-it's first "big time" recruit sometime Wed. evening. WDEH***

I(ncomprehensible)-Man Speaks Out on the BCS Bowl Games

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller. 

HOLA COMPADRES... THIS IS I-MAN COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY!

YA KNOW, AS I SET AND WATCHED A LOWLY, LOWLY, LOWLY UTAH TEAM MANHANDLE THE BAMMERS LAST SATURDAY NIGHT, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, JUST HOW BAD IS AUBARN GONNA BEAT THEM NEXT YEAR? I ALSO THOUGHT, WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T WE BEAT THEM THAT BAD THIS YEAR? THEN IT DAWNED ON ME: WE PLAYED AT TUBERVILLE STADIUM AND THE REFS GOT CONFUSED THINKING WE WERE LSU AND ALABAMMER WAS AUBARN (WHICH I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HECK THAT COULD HAPPEN). ANYWAY, THE REFS PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN ALABAMMER'S WIN OVER AUBARN LAST NOVEMBER, BUT YOU CAN BET YOUR REAR ENDS, AS TOUGH AND GIFTED OF A COACH AS OLE GENE IS, HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE TO RELY ON THE ZEBRA BOYS TO BEAT ALABAMMER NEXT YEAR.

OLE GENE IS GOING TO WELCOME NICK SATAN INTO OPELIKA WITH OPEN ARMS, THEN HE'S GOING TO TEAR HIM A NEW ONE IN "THE JUNGLE".

I'LL GO AHEAD AND SUBMIT MY PRESEASON PREDICTION FOR NEXT YEAR IN NOW: AUBARN 34-57230945872390458732495863804765aoidghnvadosfn bvg4801239485709q83yfght - ALABAMMER 3 (ONLY CAUSE THAT SLY DEVIL SATAN CHEATS TO GET A FIELD GOAL).

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY! 

I(ncomprehensible)-Man speaks out on the hiring of Arthur Gustav Malzahn III

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HERE... I... AM! LIIIIIIIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN, MY FELLOW NACHO LIBRES!

NOW FIRST THING'S FIRST: BAMMER IS CHEATING................................. AGAIN!

LOW AND BEHOLD THE MOST OVERRATED COACH ON THE PLANET DONE SUSPENDED ANDRE SMITH FOR VIOLATING TEAM RULES. NOW, ACCORDING TO MY NUMBER 1 NCAA SOURCE, BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER, THAT'S GROUNDS FOR PUNISHMENT BY THE NATIONAL COLLEGIATE ATHLETIC ASSOCIATION.

HE SAYS, "BECAUSE OF THAT, SATAN SABAN WILL BOLT TO NOTRE DAME AND THE ALABAMMER FOOTBALL PROGRAM WILL BE SHUT DOWN ALL TOGETHER." THAT MEANS, NO MORE BAMMAR FOOTBALL. THAT ALSO MEANS THIS STATE WILL NO LONGER HAVE A GARBAGE OF A FOOTBALL TEAM IN IT.

ANYWAY, THE END OF BAMMAR FOOTBALL IS NEAR. I JUST HOPE THEY LAST ONE MORE YEAR SO SHIZNIT AND MALLARYZHONE CAN PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THEIR COFFIN.

I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man-Clause Speaks Out on Christmas

I-Man Clause: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller aka the only Santa Clause with black chest hair.

HO... HO... HOES! HEEEEEEEEEEEERE I AM! LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE NORTH POLL CONFEDERACY: I-MAN HOMIES!

YA KNOW, AS I SIT HERE AN LISTEN TO ALL THE BAMMURZ CALL IN AND TALK ABOUT SABAN THIS AND SABAN THAT, ALL I GOTS TO SAY IN RESPONSE TO THOSE CRIMSON NECKS IS WAR GENE DAMN CHIZIK! DO Y'ALL BAMMZERZ NOT REALIZE CHIZIK IS BUILDING A DYNASTY THAT SABAN ONLY DREAMS OF DOING ON HIS XBOX 360?

FOLKS AKA BAMMERSES, THAT RUMOR OF NICK SABAN LEAVING AFTER THIS COMING SEASON IS TRUE! WHY? BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE AIN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO RUN AGAINST THE MACHINE DOWN IN OPELIKA THAT IS GENE CHIZIK. AND LIKE THE FEMALE THAT HE IS, HE'LL RUN OUT ON THE BAMMERS, LEAVING 'EM COACHLESS, AND THEN NOBODY IS GOING TO WANT TO COME COACH AT BAMMER BECAUSE WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO COACH IN A STATE WHERE, NOT ONLY DO THEY HAVE TO COMPETE WITH OPELIKA, BUT GENE CHIZIK AS WELL?1?1?1?1 THAT'S ALMOST LIKE A CAT ENTERING A PIT BULL CAGE ATTEMPTING TO EAT THEIR FOOD.

CONTINUE TO FEAR BAMMERS, A NEW STREAK IS NEAR!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man Speaks Out on Barkley's Absurd Comments

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY! I-MAN IN YOUR FACE, HOES AND I'M LOADED WITH DOUGH LIKE FAT JOE, I'M HERE TO STAY DOG-ONIT AND I'M GONNA SORT THEM BAMMERZ OUT LIKE THE CHICKEN DOES HIS EGGS!

BAMMERZ BEWARE BECAUSE GENE CHIZIK IS HERE AND HE'S ALREADY OWNING SABAN IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE GAME: RECRUITING, PLAYING FIELD, PATTY CAKING, AND FLY FISHING!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHIZIK TO GIVE NICK SABAN A COUNTRY BOY ASS-WHIPPING CAUSE IT'S COMING AND IT'S COMING SOON. I HEAR NICK SABAN IS ALREADY PLANNING ON BOLTING FOR THE DOOR BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE WON'T BE ABLE TO HANG WITH COACH CHIZIT!

CHIZIT IS HERE! GIVE US THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP NOW AKA GIVE US THE 2009 IRON BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP NOW!

I-MAN OUT! BAMMER SUCKS!

"I"(ncomprehensible)-Man Speaks out on Otis' Dismissal

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY I MAN PEEPS!

FIRST OF ALL, LET ME SAY IT DON'T MATTER WHETHER OTIS IS HERE OR NOT, CAUSE WE AINT GONNA NEED HIM WHEN WE PLAY BAMMER ROUND THANKSGIVIN'. WITH OUR WITHOUT OTIS, WE'RE STILL GONE BEAT BAMMER AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

BARNIES EVERYWHERE, RAISE THOSE HANDS AND SPREAD THOSE SEVEN FINGERS OUT CAUSE IT'S COMING! WAR EAGLE!