Who on Earth could this proud donor be? Wonder if he owns his very own stealth jet, which got him from Opelika, to Miami, and then to Arkansas?

-Pat Dye
Your premium source for the latest and greatest news breaking from the greatest little trailer park on the plains: Opelika!
BACK IN BLACK! I HIT THE SACK, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG I'M GLAD TO BE BACK... YOOOOOO HERE I AM, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN AKA YOUR NUMBER 1 SOURCE, ALONG WITH BOBBY FROM HOMEWOOD, ALABAMMER ON ALL THE ALABAMMER ATHLETICS!
YOU KNOW, NICK SATAN IS A CHEATER PLAIN AND SIMPLE. YOU HEARD IT FROM ME FIRST, HIS DAYS ARE NUMBERED. NOT ONLY IS COACH CHEEZ-IT GONNA SPEW VOMIT ALL OVER HIM ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, BUT HE'S ALSO GONNA SEND HIM PACKING ON THE RECRUITING TRAIL TOO. BY THE WAY, THAT IS BEFORE THE ALABAMMER PROGRAM IS SENTENCED TO THE DEATH PENALTY FOR CHEATING. PEOPLE WONDER HOW AND WHY NICK SATAN IS SUCH A "GOOD" RECRUITER... WELL, I'LL TELL YA RIGHT NOW IT'S BECAUSE HE CHEATS DAMMIT! HE BUYS HIS RECRUITS HAPPY MEALS FROM MCDONALD'S; HE SEDUCES THEIR MOTHERS; HELL HE EVEN TAKES THEM OUT FOR DRINKS ON OCCASION! BUT HE WON'T BE CHEATING FOR TOO MUCH LONGER BECAUSE THE NCAA IS EYEING HIM CLOSELY AND THEY'RE ALREADY TYPING UP THEIR PLOI, WHICH HE'LL BE RECEIVING HERE SHORTLY. MARK MY WORDS, IT'S COMING... I AM MY OWN SOURCE AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!
I-MAN IS OUT BIZITCHES! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!
HA HA ALABAMMER, WE FINISHED FIRST IN THE LEE COUNTRY RECRUITING RANKINGS AND YOU DIDN'T!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry, I just couldn't resist! Anyway, I woke up to some very splendid news today: Coach Cheez-it soared in his very first recruiting class, by bringing us the top class in the county, beating out high school powerhouses such as Opelika High School, Rose of Sharon, and Smiths Station High School. Immediately following, fliers were being passed out and posted up everywhere for the "Number 1 Class Rolling" and "Number 1 Class Rodeo".
The Number 1 Recruiting Class Rolling of Toomer's Ceremony.
Nick Saban is a cheater; always has been, always will be. His Alabammer team is currently ranked first in the recruiting rankings according to Rivals.com but more importantly than that, it seems Trent Richardson has signed with Alabammer, instead of Florida.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, my sources (I-Man and Bobby) ARE NOT inaccurate. However, it appears they are reporting that Trent Richardson signed a $2 million dollar deal with Alabammer, and Nick Saban took a paycut for it.
I don't understand college Alabammer coaches these days. Why can't they all be honest and clean like Coach Cheez-it?
It doesn't matter, because this November, Coach Cheez-it's going to take that number 1 recruiting class and shove it up Nick Saban's arse. You can bank on that...
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!
They're calling him the next Deion Sanders. Who is he? He's Alabammer's number one recruiting prospect, Trent Richardson...
HOWEVER...
There is a catch...
Is this Deion Sanders remake man enough to play for a team, which shares the same state, as the almighty Cheez-it, or will he show he has more brains than balls by picking Florida? Sources (Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) say he's all Florida.
I wonder why Cheez-it didn't go after this guy? He seems like a prime target for Albarn football. I guess Coach Cheez-it is only following in the footsteps of Coach Tuberneck: only recruit class and character over talent.
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!
More Aubarn recruiting updates to come...
ATTENTION FELLOW BARNIE FAMILY: A fellow Aubarn player and true Aubarn Man™, Chaz Ramsey (pictured above), aka winner of the 2007 Wizard of Odd's Cheap Shot National Championship Trophy, is in the running for the same award in 2008.
Please do your part as a member of the Aubarn family by voting for Chaz as we all know, such an honorable award as this (almost as honorable as the Barnie of the week award) will only help better the career, class, and character of an already classy guy, overflowing with genuine sportsmanship, in his career.
You can do so by clicking this mother freakin' sentence right here!!!
HURRY AND VOTE! Chaz is currently in the lead, so do your part in helping it remain that way!
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!
Charles From Reeltown Threatens Both Charles Barkley/Pat Dye from AUbarnie on Vimeo.
Tis the night before Christmas,
And all is at rest,
For after a decade of stumbling,
Bama’s finally the best,
Best in blocking and tackling,
In recruiting and class,
Best in running the ball down your throat,
Then killing you with the play action pass
We’ve got the best coach,
The consensus has spoken,
For he’s taken every award,
Our opponents’ wills he has broken,
From the lectern he promised,
We would dominate,
Now almost two years later,
Auburn has fallen prostrate,
First Bowden got fired,
Then Fat Phillip fell,
Then Sylvester…then Tubby…
All that’s left is the history to tell,
And thirty-six to nothing,
The champs beat the dumb,
But this game simply was a foreshadowing,
Of the next nine to come,
Saban caused Auburn to panic,
Not once, but yes, twice,
With an OC’s hiring and firing,
They rolled the dice,
And then they fired Tubby,
Citing he seemed to lack,
And then hired Gene Chizik…Gene Chizik!
DOUG BARFIELD IS BACK!
Our rivals, they hate us,
And cheered when we lost,
The Gators played perfect,
Tim Tebow was boss
But this was only the beginning,
As our talent continues to rise,
2008 will be remembered,
As the season of surprise
When a team filled with character,
Bought into a plan,
And played unified,
Behind one incredible man,
A foundation was laid,
As the scoffers fell away,
And Alabama climbed back to the top,
Each football Saturday
And stompings and beatdowns,
Though fun to take in,
Will lead to the big prize,
Championships we will win
So as we approach Christmas,
It’s really about Christ,
And the birth of a Savior,
Offering forgiveness and paradise,
But after this and my family,
The best gift I’ll unwrap,
Is the realization that Bama is a force again,
And Auburn isn’t worth a crap.