Greetings my fellow Barnie family brothers and sisters and cousins! A very legendary blog author and certified Aubarn Man™ (and son of the Mayor of one of the most prestigious and breathtaking towns, second to Aubarn (AL), Phenix City, AL), Jay Coulter, recently posted a "Top Five Reasons Why Alabammer is Not Relevant" list. What my good buddy Jay failed to post is a "Top Reasons Why Aubarn (AL) is relevant". So allow me to do it for you, my brother Jay!
1) Probation-Probation-Probation: Aubarn (AL) leads the state in breaking the rules. Alabammer comes in second (as alwayz). From the early days of Shrug (our Bear Bryant but only better) to the modern days of handing out free-class credits so that our players remain eligible and chop blocking, we're still number 1 in the state of Alabammer when it comes to breaking the rules. We are professional cheaters; Alabammer is just a bunch of wannabes. Therefore, probation ain't an unfamiliar word down here in cow-ville.
2) Success: The Iron Bowl National Championship game began in 2002. Since it's inception, Aubarn (AL) joined the legendary ranks of LSU, Tennersee, Georgia, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, UCF, Louisiana-Monroe, Northern Illinois, and Hawaii by defeating Alabammer six straight years, during Alabama's strongest period in modern history and for the most part under the guidance of the greatest coach in the history of their program: Mike Shula (who was even greater than Coach Cheez-it admittedly)! Prior to 2002, Aubarn (AL) never played Alabammer in football. So the overall record is 6-1, in Aubarn (AL)'s favor. I should also note that Alabammer had the refs on their side in 2008.
3) Coaching: While Alabammer had to pay big money to lure away a coach who posted 15-17 record in the NFL, Aubarn (AL) had an assembly line of coaches lined up, on their knees, performing all types of far-fetched pleads to get the job. In the end, we managed to hire the winningest coach in modern day college football history: Gene Cheez-it. Sad thing is, we got him for 1/4 of the price that Alabammer got Satan for. Other leading candidates were: Steve Spurrier (too old and he DID NOT turn us down), Turner Gill (not interested in minority candidates), Rudy (not interested in them damn yankees), Will Mushroom (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down), and Jimbo Fischer (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down).
4) The Bear: At Alabammer, they evolve around their ancient history, legacy, tradition, and a previous coach. At Aubarn (AL) we strictly evolve around one thing: Alabammer so that we'll have a proper gameplan going into that season's Iron Bowl National Championship. What's worse, evolving around history, legacy and tradition, or evolving around another team? It definitely ain't the latter I can tell you that much!
5) Relevance: People talk about Aubarn (AL) so much, they often mistake our school as being from another state!
2) Success: The Iron Bowl National Championship game began in 2002. Since it's inception, Aubarn (AL) joined the legendary ranks of LSU, Tennersee, Georgia, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, UCF, Louisiana-Monroe, Northern Illinois, and Hawaii by defeating Alabammer six straight years, during Alabama's strongest period in modern history and for the most part under the guidance of the greatest coach in the history of their program: Mike Shula (who was even greater than Coach Cheez-it admittedly)! Prior to 2002, Aubarn (AL) never played Alabammer in football. So the overall record is 6-1, in Aubarn (AL)'s favor. I should also note that Alabammer had the refs on their side in 2008.
3) Coaching: While Alabammer had to pay big money to lure away a coach who posted 15-17 record in the NFL, Aubarn (AL) had an assembly line of coaches lined up, on their knees, performing all types of far-fetched pleads to get the job. In the end, we managed to hire the winningest coach in modern day college football history: Gene Cheez-it. Sad thing is, we got him for 1/4 of the price that Alabammer got Satan for. Other leading candidates were: Steve Spurrier (too old and he DID NOT turn us down), Turner Gill (not interested in minority candidates), Rudy (not interested in them damn yankees), Will Mushroom (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down), and Jimbo Fischer (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down).
4) The Bear: At Alabammer, they evolve around their ancient history, legacy, tradition, and a previous coach. At Aubarn (AL) we strictly evolve around one thing: Alabammer so that we'll have a proper gameplan going into that season's Iron Bowl National Championship. What's worse, evolving around history, legacy and tradition, or evolving around another team? It definitely ain't the latter I can tell you that much!
5) Relevance: People talk about Aubarn (AL) so much, they often mistake our school as being from another state!
Click on image to enlarge.
In the final analysis, Aubarn (AL) is the all around bestest football program in the nation. We have the best fans, the best cows, the best on-campus cow pastures and barns, the best trailer parks, the best ghettos, the best stadium, the best county and city, the best neighboring city (Opelika), the best rodeos, the best mud-riding pits, and lastly the best traditions and elite fraternity in the state! PS: We ain't even as racist as the outsiders make us out to be!
In the final analysis, Aubarn (AL) is the all around bestest football program in the nation. We have the best fans, the best cows, the best on-campus cow pastures and barns, the best trailer parks, the best ghettos, the best stadium, the best county and city, the best neighboring city (Opelika), the best rodeos, the best mud-riding pits, and lastly the best traditions and elite fraternity in the state! PS: We ain't even as racist as the outsiders make us out to be!
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!
If Jay Coulter was wise, he'd learn to keep his envious rage to himself because it does reflect bad parenting and seeing how his dad is the mayor of Phenix City, it could hurt him when re-election time comes around.
ReplyDeleteThen again, after being unfortunate enough to pass through Phenix City on several occasions, I highly doubt the citizens even know what a mayor is, let alone how to vote.
AUtards will be AUtards...
ReplyDeleteIt's only further evidence that their insecurity has reached an all-time high.
ReplyDeleteI thought that maybe after Alabama took back the state, we'd never hear from our little stepsisters again much like after Stallings put Pat "Cough Cough" Dye in his place, never looking back after that; however that wasn't the case. They now believe Gus Malzahan is their savior and will lead them to the promise land.
Well, I guess if helping win 3 games next season is reaching the promised land, then so be it.
But if there are any Barnies in existence with more than half a brain, here's a news flash: one COORDINATOR can't carry the team on his back. You head coach is below average. The rest of your coaching staff is mediocre at best. And your talent level is FAR below average. Since when did these backwoods morons start respecting Cheez-whiz?
Their envious delusions never cease to amaze me.
I stopped flaming up the Track 'Em Tigers' boards immediately after the 2008 Iron Bowl. All they have left to talk about now is simply talk. Their team will never be the same for a very long time and the more Alabama beats them into a pulp, the closer they'll come to sticking their heads in the sand and shutting their traps, refraining from spewing out more nonsensical ignorance.
ReplyDeleteAubarn... the top program in the state??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
ReplyDeleteJay Coulter is a joke.
ReplyDeleteBama fans are trash. Honestly. You don't know how to lose, you don't know how to win.
ReplyDelete