Coming Spring of 2010...

TIGER PROWL IV!

Aubarn (AL)'s New Recruiting Gimmick...

The finest coaches of Lee County are bringing sexy back to Opelika...

They call this state-of-the-art mechanism "The Tiger Prowl III".


Rumor has it the old 1975 flat bed is in the shop and until then, we've got this bad boy to do our dirty recruiting services for us.

*TIGER PROWL 1 (R.I.P.)*
(before)
(after)

Looks like this Barnie got a little too carried away while demonstrating a magic trick consisting of 80-proof and a cigarette.

*TIGER PROWL II*

Look at how far we've progressed immensely in terms of modernization under Coach Cheez-it!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

THE BAD-@$$ IN BLACK!!...

...and a proud member of the Rebel Flag Army judging by the bad-@$$ bandana he's wearing.

This bad-@$$ can almost rival some of the finest bad-@$$ Aubarn Men™ in the history of all Aubarn Men™ such as Marlboro Man and the Barnie Kid Rock. In fact, he could be a likely candidate for Spike TV's Bad-@$$ of the Year Awards, or even better... THE BARNIE OF THE YEAR AWARD (coming in December).

I'd like to extend all my thanks to this fine Aubarn Man™ and I encourage you to keep up the good work, sir!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Bryant Drive Examines the Possibilities of Where Nick $atan Might End Up....

Aubarn (AL) is calling your name...

A new Bammer site, Bryant Drive recently posted an article examining the Top Five Jobs Nick $atan may take after Alabammer is slammed with the death penalty in the not so distant future. For the record, I'm not AUbsessed with Alabammer, I just read this article to see if he mentioned Aubarn (AL) in the list.

The jobs listed were jeaLouS U, Notre Lame, Dallas Cowboys, Oakland Raiders, and Duke.

Now as an avid and certified Aubarn Man™, I don't agree entirely with the list this Bammer posted. In fact, seeing how Aubarn (AL) will buy out all of Alabammer's remaining championships and such, ultimately becoming Alabammer (our life-long dream) I think Aubarn (AL) should be the leading candidate to snag ole Satan himself.

He'd be a perfect fit if for some odd and strange reason Coach Gene Cheez-it doesn't work out, but that's utterly impossible. But just in case it's always good to have a back-up in mind.

I sure hope AD of the year, Jay Jacobs gets wind of Satan becoming available soon before it's too late!

Until next time... WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Aubarn (AL)'s A-Day Scoring System

A-Day points goes as follows:

TOUCHDOWN: Six Points

FIELD GOAL: Three Points

BARELY MISS THE FIELD GOAL: Two Points

ALMOST SCORE A TOUCHDOWN: Three Points

KODI BURNS COMPLETES A PASS: Four Points

KODI BURNS ALMOST COMPLETES A PASS: Two Points

DROPPED PASS (AS LONG AS IT TOUCHES THE HANDS): Three Points

RIGHT PLAY CALLED BY COACH CHEEZ-IT OR ARTHUR GUSTAV MALZAHN III: Ten Points

ALMOST CALL THE RIGHT PLAY: Five Points

FOUR STAR RECRUIT VISITS THE CAMPUS: Twenty-Five Points

WHEN FOUR STAR RECRUIT COMMITS ELSEWHERE: Fifteen Points For At Least Showing Interest

FIVE STAR RECRUIT VISITS THE CAMPUS: Automatic Iron Bowl National Championship Victory

*SCHEDULING BONUS*: OPEN IN ATL WITH AGAINST A PRIME-TIME OPPONENT: Fifty Points

BUY-OUT PRIME-TIME OPPONENT AND REPLACE THEM WITH THE CITADEL OR ARKANSAS STATE: One-Hundred Points.

Aubarn (AL)'s A-Day Parking Information From The OPI Athletics Website

sourceCoach Clem Cooter gets the hay-field parking lot ready for Saturday!


From The Polytechnic Institute athletic web site on our A-Day Game on Saturday:

Public parking will be available at the old Auburn Credit Union lot northwest of the stadium and the hayfields on South Donahue. Tiger Transit will run from 9 a.m. until 2 hours post-game from the Hay Fields to Beard-Eaves-Memorial Coliseum.

The game will be televised LIVE by Comcast Sports Southeast. (HA! HA! ALABAMMER, OUR GAME'S GONNA BE TELEVISED LIVE BY COMCAST SPORTS SOUTHEAST AND Y'ALLS' ISN'T!! HA! HA!)

...In my opinion, if tickets are only five bucks (which is only worth one can of Skoll), and parking in the hay fields are free, then Opelikans had better be prepared to pack that joint out!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!

I think I need a translator for this week's Barnie of the week award winner. Any takers?

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on the Super Six Moving to Aubarn (AL)

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
only undefeated Finebaum caller.


WHAT UP MY NIGGAZ???? HERE I COME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY MANZ!!!

YOU KNOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND JUST WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL THE STATE OF ALABAMMER HAD TO MOVE THE SUPER SIX FROM BAMMERHAM TO TUSCALOOSER AND AUBARN (AL)?!?!?! IT SHOULD BE PLAYED EVERY YEAR IN AUBARN (AL) AND NOWHERE ELSE FOR DAMMIT'S SAKE!!! AUBARN (AL) HAS THE PRETTIEST STADIUM IN ALL THE LAND. JUST DIG THROUGH THE ARCHIVE AND READ WHAT AUBARNIE HAD TO SAY ABOUT OUR STADIUM COMPARED TO ALABAMMER'S.

WAIT A MINUTE... MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE BAMMER FANS CRY TOO MUCH! YEAH! THAT'S IT! ALL THEY DO IS CRY ABOUT AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL), AUBARN (AL). AND THE STATE OF ALABAMMER GOVERNMENT JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH ALL THE BAMMER FAN CRYING. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE I GUESS.

ANYWHO, I GUESS IT CAN SERVE A PURPOSE BECAUSE KIDS WON'T LIKE TUSCALOOSER. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COW COLLEGE THAT'S ABOUT 4 FEET LONG, WHERE THE WELCOME TO AND NOW LEAVING SIGN IS ON THE SAME POST. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE RODEOS CONSUME MOST OF THEIR TIME. KIDS WANT A COLLEGE WHERE THEY AIN'T GOTTA DO JACK SHIT TO EARN A DEGREE! KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT AIN'T AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT ON COWS. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS ON CAMPUS BARNS AND COW PASTURES. KIDS WANT TO COME TO A COLLEGE THAT HAS FOUR BARS AND FEATURE THE BEST LOCAL COUNTRY MUSIC SINGERS IN LEE COUNTY (MY FREAKING AWESOME BAND EVEN PLAYS AT THE SKY BARn IN DOWNTOWN AUBARN (AL) EVERY NOW AND THEN)! KIDS WILL LIKE THE AUBARN EXPERIENCE. HELL THEY EVEN GET A FREE JACKED-UP TRUCK FOR COMING TO PLAY FOR US! SO IT IS A GOOD THING BABY!!!

WELL THIS CONCLUDES MY ALABAMMER RANT OF THE DAY!! I-MAN OUT BIOTCHES!!

CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Iron Bowl National Championship Moved to a Friday....

Satan's scared, SAY YOU SCARED!

According to various sources, The Iron Bowl National Championship game will be played on a Friday for both the 2009 and 2010 seasons.

Fortunately for us, considering it's being played here in Cow-Town, we can attend the rodeo on the following day, and the Iron Bowl National Championship the night before! Unfortunately for Satan and Alabammer, Coach Gene Cheez-it is undefeated on games played on Friday's!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Tornado Warning!

It is being reported the last tornado to hit Lee County did $5 Million worth of improvements!

It is being reported that Aubarn (AL) is under a SEVERE tornado warning, according to the National Weather Radar System. They are advising all citizens to take place in the center area of their Mobile Homes. However....

TORNADO IN AUBARN (AL) ALERT!!!

If you've been a citizen of Aubarn (AL) for longer than a year, then this ain't nothing new to you. In fact, tornadoes are spotted so much here in the AU trailer parks, it could almost become an Aubarn (AL) tradition.

In fact, reports have confirmed that the last tornado that ripped through Lee County a mere month ago, actually done $5 Million worth of improvements!

This group of fine Aubarn Men™ prepare to witness Mother Nature unleash her beauty on Lee County!

So note to all Barnies: grab a cold one... grab your sibling... and run out on the porch to witness Aubarn (AL) receive an upgrade of a lifetime! Your neighbors in the lot next to you will be joining you as well!

Seeing a tornado in Lee County is fascinating; almost like seeing Haley's Comet, only we get to see them tornadoes more than once a century!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

More Reasons Why Aubarn (AL) is the Most Relevant Program in the State of Alabammer -- Image Edition

1) Wire Road:

2) Incests:


4) Rodeos:



5)Racism:

6) Six Straight Iron Bowl National Championships

7) Coach Gene Cheez-it:

8) The best Stadium -- Jordan-Haire-Dye-Cow Pasture Stadium

9) The Best Monster Truck Shops For Mud-Riding:

10) The Best Fans in Lee County THE STATE OF ALABAMMER:











*Bonus* Toomer's Corner:

Top Five Reasons Why Aubarn (AL) is THE MOST Relevant School in the State of Alabammer

Greetings my fellow Barnie family brothers and sisters and cousins! A very legendary blog author and certified Aubarn Man™ (and son of the Mayor of one of the most prestigious and breathtaking towns, second to Aubarn (AL), Phenix City, AL), Jay Coulter, recently posted a "Top Five Reasons Why Alabammer is Not Relevant" list. What my good buddy Jay failed to post is a "Top Reasons Why Aubarn (AL) is relevant". So allow me to do it for you, my brother Jay!

1) Probation-Probation-Probation: Aubarn (AL) leads the state in breaking the rules. Alabammer comes in second (as alwayz). From the early days of Shrug (our Bear Bryant but only better) to the modern days of handing out free-class credits so that our players remain eligible and chop blocking, we're still number 1 in the state of Alabammer when it comes to breaking the rules. We are professional cheaters; Alabammer is just a bunch of wannabes. Therefore, probation ain't an unfamiliar word down here in cow-ville.

2) Success: The Iron Bowl National Championship game began in 2002. Since it's inception, Aubarn (AL) joined the legendary ranks of LSU, Tennersee, Georgia, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, UCF, Louisiana-Monroe, Northern Illinois, and Hawaii by defeating Alabammer six straight years, during Alabama's strongest period in modern history and for the most part under the guidance of the greatest coach in the history of their program: Mike Shula (who was even greater than Coach Cheez-it admittedly)! Prior to 2002, Aubarn (AL) never played Alabammer in football. So the overall record is 6-1, in Aubarn (AL)'s favor. I should also note that Alabammer had the refs on their side in 2008.

3) Coaching: While Alabammer had to pay big money to lure away a coach who posted 15-17 record in the NFL, Aubarn (AL) had an assembly line of coaches lined up, on their knees, performing all types of far-fetched pleads to get the job. In the end, we managed to hire the winningest coach in modern day college football history: Gene Cheez-it. Sad thing is, we got him for 1/4 of the price that Alabammer got Satan for. Other leading candidates were: Steve Spurrier (too old and he DID NOT turn us down), Turner Gill (not interested in minority candidates), Rudy (not interested in them damn yankees), Will Mushroom (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down), and Jimbo Fischer (worked for Satan meaning he'd suck; and he DID NOT turn us down).

4) The Bear: At Alabammer, they evolve around their ancient history, legacy, tradition, and a previous coach. At Aubarn (AL) we strictly evolve around one thing: Alabammer so that we'll have a proper gameplan going into that season's Iron Bowl National Championship. What's worse, evolving around history, legacy and tradition, or evolving around another team? It definitely ain't the latter I can tell you that much!

5) Relevance: People talk about Aubarn (AL) so much, they often mistake our school as being from another state!

Click on image to enlarge.

In the final analysis, Aubarn (AL) is the all around bestest football program in the nation. We have the best fans, the best cows, the best on-campus cow pastures and barns, the best trailer parks, the best ghettos, the best stadium, the best county and city, the best neighboring city (Opelika), the best rodeos, the best mud-riding pits, and lastly the best traditions and elite fraternity in the state! PS: We ain't even as racist as the outsiders make us out to be!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Top 10 Reasons why Aubarn (AL)'s Plan to Sell A-Day Tickets Online May Not Work

This is a forewarning to all Barnies with plans to purchase A-Day tickets over the internet...  

10. Students think Internet hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. only....

9. Most fans would rather buy tickets at Feed 'N Seed store; and or rather purchase tickets to rodeos....

8. Students boycotting games over "No Sheep Allowed" policy....

7. Fans demanding seats upgraded from hay bales to stadium seats....

6. Students can't swipe debit cards on keyboard....

5. Aubarn (AL) students can't use White-Out to correct mistakes....

4. Not all classroom trailers are wired for electricity.... 

3. Like football team, AU fans have trouble putting 3 W's together....

2. Internet's not yet available at Aubarn (AL)....

1. Bama graduates control the Internet.

Barnie of the week!

The Barnie Trucker!!

All this man needs is a little Aubarn (AL) trucker hat (see Zazzle Panel to the right) to put the icing on the cake and he himself would be a certified Aubarn Man™

Sources (I(ncomprehensible)-Man and Bobby From Homewood Alabammer) tell us he was toting the finest of Jimmy Bob Ranes the Yella Fella's wood!

IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN COWGIRL! WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Alabammer Forfeits 2009 Iron Bowl National Championship

(scroll down)

APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!!!!!!! WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!