And this time around, the victim is legendary Alabammer basketball coach, Mark Gottfried!!
Bammer basketball coach Mark Gottfried at his finest!
As Cowboy, the youtube sensation, would say: Well... Well... Well...!!!
It looks like Coach Cheez-it aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1 is kicking ass and taking names and the funniest part of it all is: HE HASN'T COACHED A SINGLE GAME!
And just in case you haven't been keeping track with the Cheez-it Effect victims, you can do so by clicking here.
Merely a few days ago, Alabammer basketball coach finally received word that Coach Gene Cheez-it is at the helm of The AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute football program. It was reported that Kevin Steele (another Cheez-it Effect Victim), who'd just finished cleaning out his office, broke the news to Coach Gottfried on his way out the door. Sources (Incomprehensible-Man, who is currently vacationing down at Lake Barfield, and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) tell us that before Steele could finish the season, Gottfried was already bolting for the door--and he was taking everything in his office with him!
Folks, a bright future is in store for Aubarn. Hell, you know it's inevitable when it's striking the opposition's basketball program!
We'll keep you posted as soon as the Cheez-it Effect strikes again!
The tailgater is a master chef, much like the newly promoted Master Chef Tuberneck, who specializes in serving the finest (fried) Wire Road possum you'll find in this side of Lee County! Next time you're touring through the loveliest little trailer park in Opelika, be sure to give this guy a ring just so you can try a free sample of (fried) Wire Road possum! I can assure you it'll be an experience you'll never forget, much like The Opelika Experience (could I get a copyright on that one please?)!
One thing I'm going to reccermend toThe Tailgater, next time I see him is raw lizard. This Barnie surely seemed to enjoy it! Now we'll just have to wait and see what the ole' Tailgater can come up with, with a fried lizard! I'm definitely looking forward to that!
Out of the darkness comes the Knight... IT'S CHAZ RAMSEY BIOTCHES!
ATTENTION FELLOW BARNIE FAMILY: A fellow Aubarn player and true Aubarn Man™, Chaz Ramsey (pictured above), aka winner of the 2007 Wizard of Odd's Cheap Shot National Championship Trophy, is in the running for the same award in 2008.
Please do your part as a member of the Aubarn family by voting for Chaz as we all know, such an honorable award as this (almost as honorable as the Barnie of the week award) will only help better the career, class, and character of an already classy guy, overflowing with genuine sportsmanship, in his career.
My fellow Barnies, today is a landmark in the history of Opelika's existence.
A loyal and sincere Aubarn Man™ by the name of Coach James Bond Willis was promoted to 00 status, which was sanctioned by Coach Gene Cheez-it aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!11
Immediately following James Bond Willis earning his honorable spy ranking, he's officially embarking on his first mission as an Aubarn 00: traveling into enemy territory over in Tuscalooser, Alabammer to infiltrate Coach Nick Satan's layer, while working undercover!
We here at the AUbarnie wishes Coach James Bond Willis the absolute best of luck as he helps lead The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute (while working undercover) to another Iron Bowl National Championship in 2009!
WAR DANG EAGLE HEY AND WAR DANG JAMES BOND WILLIS HEY!
Amidst all the recent craziness taking place in Opelika (i.e. the hiring of Coach Cheezit aka THE GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1, Bammer losing to Utah aka The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institutes' second team, The War on Opelika, and of course US WELCOMING IN A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT BY ROLLING OUR TREE... even though it was all a hoax thanks to the Jokster, Coach Cheez-it), these mighty fine Aubarn Men™ known as the Sheriff's of Lee County have done a remarkable job of keeping all the Opelikans/Barnies safe during these times of mass craziness.
For that, I'm honoring them by selecting them as this week's Barnie of the week!
Have those fascinating concepts known as telephones, payphones, or cellular phones ready, because the AUbarnie has something extremely special in store for you all!
Here's to kicking off another much anticipated weekend break:
1) Dial the number 1-800-555-TELL (8355). And just so you know, this voice automated 800 number is COMPLETELY FREE!! WOO HOO!!!
2) Be sure to speak very moderately and clearly (and not incoherently, my fellow Barnies) when you speak.
3) Say "Sports".
4) After the sports menu is activated, then say, "CollegeFootball".
5) Follow that up by saying "Auburn".
And the results shall be a delight! I hope you all enjoy and at that I'll tell y'all to have an awesome weekend in the trailer park!
Wonder when they'll make these in orange and blue?
I know a new six letter word (Chizik), and our new coach is full of it!
LOLOLOLOL!
But it's nice to know we have a head coach who can take and administer a joke or two every now and again, unlike Bammer's head coach. A very reliable source (I-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) told me, on the eve of Coach Cheez-it's hiring, that ole' Coach Cheez had a very unique sense of humor -- and today, the dysfunctional Barnie family experienced it first hand!
A mere four days after Coach Cheez-it promised the Opelika natives that prime-time, all-star, mega-man recruit, Reuben Randle would visit the plains, and even had a single-wide on Wire Road already picked out, today, we learned that Coach Cheez-it was just kidding about the whole Randle ordeal all along -- and hell if we didn't fall for it too! We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Welcome Reuben Randle Rodeo" atop that!
Emmit Randle told the Bammerham News, "I don't know how that got out, but we never scheduled a visit."
I had a chance to catch up with Coach C today in the trailer park, and he told me, "I just thought a good spin would help build my credibility as an unproven recruiter."
I don't really know how to translate that, but all I said in response was, "You ever thought of giving stand-up comedy a shot?" He said, "No, not in today's society."
Well, seeing how that's squared away, at least we learned another thing about our new coach: he sure is a joker (I would insert a photoshopped Cheezit/Joker pic here but due to server difficulties it's impossible right now)! Maybe next he can tell us that he's certain we'll win the Iron Bowl National Championship next year! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka only undefeated Finebaum caller.
WHHHHHHAZZZZZZZ UP!!!!! HERE COMES ME, LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN MY FELLOW BARNIE HOMEDOGS!!
WELL... WELL... WELL... IT LOOKS LIKE COACH GENE CHEEZIT HAS STOLEN THE RECRUITING SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM COACH SATAN SABAN ALREADY!
HELL, AUBARN MAY BE RANKED 26TH NOW, BUT WE'RE ALREADY THREATENING ALABAMMER'S NUMBER 4 RANKING ACCORDING TO RIVALS.COM.
ANYWAY, WE STOLE OLE HARRIS GASTON AWAY FROM COLLEGE FOOTBALL POWERHOUSES: UAB, MISSISSIPPI STATE, KENTUCKY, AND VANDERBILT, WHO BARELY BEAT US BY A POINT THIS YEAR!!!!
I FEEL HARRIS GASTON WILL DESTROY THOSE ALABAMMER WIDE RECEIVERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE, AND HE WILL LEAD US TO ANOTHER IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SOMETIME SOON. I CAN'T WAIT.
BAMMERS BEWARE AND COACH SATAN YOU'D BETTER FEAR AND KNOW THAT YOUR NUMBER 4 RANKING IS IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY BECAUSE AUBARN RECRUITING IS MOVING ON UP, BITCHES!!!
I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!
***Moderator's Note: I intend on posting my thoughts on Coach Cheez-it's first "big time" recruit sometime Wed. evening. WDEH***
As you can see above, due to technical difficulties with the current Opelika server, the Internet has been a real headache here of late in the trailer park.
They say the mouse died of a massive heart attack (I guessed we over-worked him), so now we'll have to roam the cow pastures and nearby woods and catch us another one!
Posting will be slow this week; however, when we return, we promise to deliver you all the Barnie of the week posts you can stomach! In addition, I(ncomprehensible)-Man has an article in holding that is a MUST READ for Bammers and Barnies alike!
The following is a live birth recording of an Aubarn fan. I surely hope you all enjoy and appreciate what and where we come from. Our origins are truly a blessing in disguise AND perfectly symbolize what we, as Barnies, represent:
IT'S GREAT TO BE AN ALABAMAOPELIKA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE COWGIRL, SAY IT'S GREAT...
The Cheez-it effect is working overtime this week...
As of today, the Cheez-it Effect targeted and pulled the trigger on one Glen Coffee, running back for the cheating Alabammer team.
This makes what, 19 Bammers in merely a week?!?!?!?! I hear a statue in honor of Gene Chizik is already being constructed in the middle of Cow Pasture East here in Opelika.
The future is bright! How many more Bammers is Coach Cheez-it going to eliminate within the hour? I also wonder if my fellow Barnies are rolling Toomer's right now??!!??!!
It's being reported that three Barnie players: Trey Blackmon, Ryan Williams, and Chris Slaughter are all leaving the team. The fact that they are LEAVING the team only goes to show they were secretly Bammer players, who only committed to play for us to only infiltrate our team. Now that Coach Cheez-it's come along, the unbearable "Cheez-it Effect" has gotten to them it seems....
....Ya know, I knew someway, somehow, Alabammer cheated to beat us 36-0, but I didn't know how they went about doing it. NOW, I firmly believe Trey, Ryan, and Chris supplied them with Tubby's laptop, which contained top-secret Bammer beating information.
I'm going to work on contacting the NCAA on this issue. It should be given a very thorough look into. I'm pretty sure if I email them my theory, they'll automatically retract the 36-0 win and proclaim us as victors of the 2008 Iron Bowl National Championship. Do y'all know what that means? Number 7 in a row, and their loss against us/Utah last Friday night was number 8... Next year will be nine, and we will have won NINE STRAIGHT IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS! As Timothy Tebow said after his loss to Ole Miss, "You won't see another person work as hard as I will from here on out." I dedicate that statement to all of my fellow Barnies: You won't see another Barnie work as hard as I will from here on out UNTIL that bogus victory is taken away from the Bammer cheaters and given to us.
Talk about a bad-ass in orange and blue, this guy seems bad enough to take on the strength and conditioning coaching role... Sources (Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer) also tells us he's the new Aubarn poster child man for Marlboro Cowboy killers... Get it? COWBOY killers!! It sure is great to be an Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute Cowgirl, say it's great....
This quote was taken from an ESPN page, written by a man called Mark Schlabach.
"17. Auburn will name Gus Malzahn its coach-in-waiting After the Tigers lose their first three games against Louisiana Tech, Mississippi State and West Virginia, Auburn will name offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn its coach-in-waiting to succeed recently hired Gene Chizik. USC quarterback Mitch Mustain, who played for Malzahn in high school and briefly at Arkansas, will transfer to Auburn."
Okay, so it's obvious ole' Mark Schlabach is Bammer biased, just like the rest of the liberal media is.
What is he seeing that we Barnies aren't? He must be as blind as the possum Granny Joan fried up last night for us.
This is just another reason for me to hate all the media, outside of The Opelika-Aubarn News. They're the most credible and unbiased news source, second to the AUbarnie Blogger of course. I want some of what he's smoking, because I sure as hell know it ain't that good stuff that ole' Coach Dye is growing down on his end of the farm. What's he gonna tell us next, Paul Finebaum is his bammer bed buddy? Or better yet, Paul Finebaum is a barnie? LOLOLOLOLOLOL! RIDICULOUS!
I'll be sure to send this moron, Mark Schlabach a friendly email immediately after we win the Iron Bowl National Championship and the BCS Championship next year... it's coming!
I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller.
HOLA COMPADRES... THIS IS I-MAN COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY!
YA KNOW, AS I SET AND WATCHED A LOWLY, LOWLY, LOWLY UTAH TEAM MANHANDLE THE BAMMERS LAST SATURDAY NIGHT, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, JUST HOW BAD IS AUBARN GONNA BEAT THEM NEXT YEAR? I ALSO THOUGHT, WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T WE BEAT THEM THAT BAD THIS YEAR? THEN IT DAWNED ON ME: WE PLAYED AT TUBERVILLE STADIUM AND THE REFS GOT CONFUSED THINKING WE WERE LSU AND ALABAMMER WAS AUBARN (WHICH I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HECK THAT COULD HAPPEN). ANYWAY, THE REFS PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN ALABAMMER'S WIN OVER AUBARN LAST NOVEMBER, BUT YOU CAN BET YOUR REAR ENDS, AS TOUGH AND GIFTED OF A COACH AS OLE GENE IS, HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE TO RELY ON THE ZEBRA BOYS TO BEAT ALABAMMER NEXT YEAR.
OLE GENE IS GOING TO WELCOME NICK SATAN INTO OPELIKA WITH OPEN ARMS, THEN HE'S GOING TO TEAR HIM A NEW ONE IN "THE JUNGLE".
I'LL GO AHEAD AND SUBMIT MY PRESEASON PREDICTION FOR NEXT YEAR IN NOW: AUBARN 34-57230945872390458732495863804765aoidghnvadosfn bvg4801239485709q83yfght - ALABAMMER 3 (ONLY CAUSE THAT SLY DEVIL SATAN CHEATS TO GET A FIELD GOAL).
I-MAN OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!
Famously known for his rarely unique skills in the art of "country boy ass whippings", because of that he was awarded with this week's Barnie of the week simply for having the testicular fortitude to threaten to give both Sir "Governator Wannabe" Charles Barkley and Patrick Fain Dye a royal "Country Boy Ass Whipping" (can someone patent that for him ASAP, please?) on the Finebaum Radio Network a few days ago.
Keep doing what you do best Charles from Reeltown! You make your fellow Barnies proud.
Ever since the day Coach Cheezit was named AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institutes' 26th head coach, which is still one less than Alabammer's had (cause they go through so damn many), it's caused a royal stir in the great state of Alabammer. Barnies have since officially named this royal stir "The Cheezit Effect".
According to the urban dictionary, the term "Cheezit Effect" is defined as "chaos, turmoil, and sorrow caused courtesy of the opposition's earthquake of a hire: Gene Cheezit".
To further substantiate this theory, before Gene Cheezit was hired, Alabammer was riding high on top of the mountain finishing 12-0 before the "effect" kicked in.
And here's where it all began...
When the rumor first surfaced that AOPI was looking into Gene Cheezit, Alabammer lost their first game of the season to the Florida Gators 31-20.
When Gene Cheezit was hired, Andre Smith was shaken so hard by the hiring, he said F this, and illegally contacted an agent ahead of time, which led to his inevitable Sugar Bowl suspension. Immediately after, ole' Andre the giant said he wasn't sticking around to receive the wrath of Gene Cheezit in 2009.
And to top that up, Alabammer's defensive coordinator bolted out on them for the same exact reason as ole' Andre the Giant: he didn't want to stick around and receive the full wrath of Coach Cheezit in 2009.
Folks, with that being said, "The Cheezit Effect" is only going to get better. Stay tuned as we here at the AUbarnie will keep you up to date on "The Cheezit Effect".
One of the greatest things about THE AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute is the traditions that makes us who we are. To honor those great traditions, I'm going to fill those who aren't familiar with our great traditions in by way of this blog. These are some of our most notable traditions we're famously known for, which again, makes AlabammerOpelika Polytechnic Institute who we are. I hope y'all enjoy!
The Tiger Walk
This here is the Tiger Walk Tradition. It's one of our greatest and most famous traditions of all time.
Leading the pack is my good friend Boomer, disguised as one of the many Aubarn Elvis' who patrol our campus on gameday. What I always wonder the most is, "Could Boomer actually be the real Elvis?" But that's another story for another time. Boomer is always the Grand Marshall for this great pregame tradition!
The Tiger Walk became famous, many, many moons ago when the fraternity houses used to walk their cows through here during the pregame calling it, "The Cow Walk". The AOPI BOT figured if it was good enough for the cows, then it was good enough for the players, who back then, dressed out in the nearby woods.
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM BOSTON COLLEGE!
The Samford Hall Public John This is yet another great tradition, which our opposing fans enjoy participating in, but it's mainly the men, and occasionally a classy female or two. They always enjoy stopping by, before and after the games, to participate in such a rare tradition, cherishing the moment while letting it all squirt out.
This tradition was an instant success, which originally started after the 1999 Iron Bowl, and since then, seeing how it's grown rapidly amongst the opposing fans, we decided to rename our sign "The Samford Hall Public John".
Leaving Jordan-Haire-Cow- Pasture-Stadium Early On Yet again, this is another great tradition of ours! Early on, usually in the third quarter, we like to bail out on the team by leaving early when we're losing -- and that's most of the time! Heck, when UGA came to town in 2006, they were beating our butts so bad, the band even left at halftime!
By the end of the fourth quarter, in most games, only the opposing fans are left in the stadium; however, we don't let them stick around for too long because most of the time we like to break out the water hoses and hose those son of a guns down.
Just ask the Georgia fans about that one.
When I was just a young buck, my momma used to always tell me about this glorious tradition by saying, "Son, outside of the stadium in the third quarter, it looks like a gigantically silent pumpkin patch!"
Unarguably The Best Fans In Lee County! Hands down, Aubarn has the best fans in Lee County, Georgia. Even though spelling may not be a top priority for my fellow Barnies, we're still the best in all the land -- that's why we can consider this another great tradition as well!
Helmet Stickers This here is a new tradition of ours. Coach Gene Cheezit made it official, just the other day, that in the up and coming season, each Barnie player will receive a new helmet sticker for every touchdown or sack he/she records.
But a skeptical Barnie said to me last night, "They'd better not order to many because there won't be many touchdowns scored this year!"
Body Painting In Lake Barfield This here is another great tradition, mainly participated in by the great students of AOPI.
Before each home game, in the wee hours of the morning, our students always run down to Lake Barfield, line up in an orderly fashion, strip down to their birthday suit, and cannonball into Lake Barfield. By the time our entire body makes contact with the water, it's fully absorbed into our skin, turning us all orange, like our great color!
There are times where some of us want to show our school-spirit off all week, therefore, we don't wash the orange off at all! One loyal Barnie jumped in during his freshman year, refusing to wash his body afterwards, and ten years later he's an orange-colored sophmore!
Ranking High Academically/Handing Out FREE Class-Credits For Little Or No Work At All! Everyone in Opelika enjoys participating in this great tradition, even the local gas stations!
We do realize that we don't school the brightest students in America, but our football team ALWAYS manages to excel in terms of academics, notably our illiterate players with learning disabilities such as: Junior Rosegreen, "St-St-Stuttering" Kenny Irons, and the Illiterate Cadillac.
Professor Pette aka the greatest professor in AOPI History, always strives to give his 100% all to helping student-athletes improve and excel in the classrooms.
Perhaps one of our most intelligent players, ever to wear the historic orange and blue jerseys is our cadillac, and current pinto: As stated, Mr. Cadillac: all-around super-genius!
In fact, this tradition is so great, each and every student and student-athlete, who received free class credits, also is rewarded with a free bumper sticker, to stay in touch with each other! You can even find our advertisements on billboards, just above every mile-marker on the fabulous Highway 280! Here's a piece of work one of our proud AOPI Sociology majors created, which can now be purchased at any Tigger Ragz store in Opelika:
James Gundlach Pictured above is James Gundlach, one of the not so greatest professors at AOPI in the history of Aubarn/Opelika.
Professor Gundlach, prime nominee for Barnie of the Week, seems to have somewhat of a problem with other professors handing out free class credits for little or no work at all. Maybe it's because his end of the cow, isn't very meaty?!?!?!
Momma told me if it weren't for our fine Sociology department, 3/4th of our team wouldn't last long enough to see their redshirt freshman year! WOW!
Our Co-MVPs Another great tradition of Aufarm football is... our Co-MVP's, pictured above.
We have a strong history of having opponents, playing in Jordan-Haire-Cow-Pasture Stadium, going against our football players, fans, coaches, cows, and referees. The refs always seem to do a better job than everyone else, and even LSU will admit that!
LSU vs. Auburn – September 16, 2006 It was one of those typical SEC smash mouth, defensive struggles. LSU was up 3-0 at halftime, and Auburn had scored a touchdown in the third quarter to make it 7-3. There were two calls that robbed LSU of a chance to win the game. The first was a catch resulting in a first down by Jacob Hester. Hester made the catch, but then dropped the ball and it went out of bounds. It was ruled a reception on the field. The play was reviewed and could only be overturned if “indisputable” evidence existed. The replay clearly showed that Hester had possession and took two full steps before dropping the ball, but the replay official overturned the call on the field. Then with 2:46 left on the clock, LSU was going for it on 4th and 6. Jamarcus Russell dropped back and threw a dart to an open Early Doucet. Before Doucet could make the catch, an Auburn defender tackled him and drew a flag. The refs conferred and announced that it was pass interference on the defense and that LSU would advance 15 yards and get a 1st down. Inexplicably, the referee then waved off the flag saying that there was no interference because the ball had been tipped by a defender. Back to the replay booth. The replay clearly showed that the ball was tipped, but only after Doucet was tackled. This meant that the interference happened before the tip; therefore the interference call should stand. The replay official overturned the interference and gave the ball back to Auburn. It was later discovered that the replay official was not only an Auburn alumnus, but was also a big booster to the program. I guess that’s how he got the job. Nevertheless, this blatant home cooking cost LSU a chance to play for the SEC Championship and possibly a national title. Source
Tiger, Our Late Mascot...
...won't be flying this coming football season.
The War Eagle's caretakers claim ole' Tiger died of the West Niles virus a few days after Alabammer cheated to beat us in 2008. But the funny thing is, Grandpa Colonel Dovard, an expertise in the field of bird hunting, has an eagle that looks JUST LIKE the late, great Tiger setting atop of his fridge. Grandpa Colonel Dovard claims, "Tiger's beak is a perfect beer can/bottle opener!"
Oh well, we still have over 10,000 other mascots to choose from in terms of replacing the eagle!
Rolling Booger's Corner At Aubarn, we have the best damn traditions in Lee County. After we win a football game, or when Alabammer loses one, we hit up all the local gas stations and mini-marts in Opelika and Aubarn, stealing all the toilet paper they have. Then we follow that up by running back down to downtown Albarn and throwing it all in a tree!
It is, by far, the greatest tradition in Lee County, and it's an even bigger tradition than a lot of the high schools have around here! Heck, we'd rather throw toilet paper in trees than win a National Championship!
PS: WE DID NOT STEAL THIS TRADITION FROM WAKE FORREST!
Brothers Phil and Bill, two avid Barnies.
Brothers Phil and Bill, the sneaky and clever little son of a guns that they are, head down to Booger's Corner every Sunday morning and wrap all the toilet paper back up, then they head back down to Wire Road and sell it all. GENIUS! They also said, this coming year, they highly doubt they'll have enough toilet paper to wipe a goat's anus with. GENIUS!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING PARADE
The Albarn homecoming parade is another great tradition of Opelika -- even greater than the homecoming rodeo (which you'll read about later on down the page).
Featured in the above photo is Clanton on his vintage 1967 Opelika Farmer's Market tractor. He's had that tractor ever since the Shug Jordan era, and he's driven it in every Opelika homecoming parade ever since then!
THE ALBARN HOMECOMING RODEO
Rodeos in Opelika is like a second religion. We firmly worship them, even more than we do Alabammer.
Each weekend, AOPI hosts some darn good rodeos, but the rodeo of the year is always the homecoming rodeo. Here is a few pics I snapped for the AUbarnie Blogsite at last year's Tennerssee-Martin homecoming game:
Homecoming Queens at Wire Road Get N Go The Wire Road Get N Go gas station is where all the Barnie homecoming queens earns their stripes!
My mom, bless her heart, is the official homecoming queen trainer, which she's a large contributer to the "Help Aubarn's Marching Band Guys Get Laid" charity. She told me the other night that not all of the homecoming queens are females, because even Aubarn guys will take anything and that's another great Aubarn tradition in itself!
Boozing It Up At Booger's Corner This here is Thorn participating in his favorite Aubarn tradition.
When we lose football games, we enjoy picking up ludes from Toomer's Drugs and buying a six-pack on top of that, then soak it all in/down at Booger's Corner.
An Alabammer fan said the other day, "You guys will end up having to join an AA club at the end of next season." GENIUS!
Official Polytechnic Institute Suppliers To honor the many, many, legendary cows of Aubarn, Under Armor changed their name, simply because of us to "Udder Armor" and even offered us a new ten year deal, which we gladly accepted! Goodbye, Walmart brand known as Russel Athletics and HELLO UDDER ARMOUR!
AND OUR BIGGEST... AND GREATEST... AND BESTEST TRADITION IN THE STATE OF ALABAMMER... We're number 2! ENOUGH SAID!
As you all are aware, as a Barnie, you have two favorite teams: Alabammer's opponent and sometimes Aubarn. Now, considering that you represent the county of Lee by also representing Alabammer's opposition, in all actuality, technically by Alabammer losing to a Barnie's second favorite team, which is Alabammer's opposition, that basically means Alabammer lost to The Alabammer Opelika Polytechnic Institute as well.
This was the scene in Opelika after Alabammer lost to The Opelika Polytechnic Institute 31-17 Saturday night: Which ultimately resulted in this:
Ladies and gentlemen, a new streak has begun. As of Saturday night, The Polytechnic Institute is now 1-0 against Alabammer and here's to number two which is coming next November!
I'm currently a student at Opelika Polytechnic Institute. I've been here six years and I almost have my freshman year behind me. I'm unsure of what I want to major in at the current moment. At first, I signed on to study the science of cows, then I changed my major to sociology, but even in a course in which you receive free grades in was too tough for me. But now I think I want to be an astronaut. Only time will tell...
PLETELY FREE!! WOO HOO!!!
